I got carried away in this respnse...oh well
As has been mentioned an other posts, bullet weight and speed can be selected to minimize recoil and muzzle flip.
Here's what I consider in the compromise.
Recoil is the force exerted exactly equal and opposite to the fired bullet and its direction of travel, so saith Isaac Newton.
In revolvers, the recoil is damped by the mass of the gun and cushy backstrap grips, if any. The rest of the force is absorbed by the shooter. Revolver muzzle flip is relatively high because the bore axis is at least one cylinder diameter and one finger diameter above the wrist pivot.
Muzzle flip is a consequence of leverage exerted by recoil based on the relative height of the bore axis in relation to the center of pivotal resistance in the shooter's wrist with the backstrap of the gun. The greater the vertical distance, the more flip.
A five shot revolver will usually have less flip than a six shot--everything else being equal--because the cylinder is narrower allowing a lower bore axis with less flip leverage. A heavier revolver will absorb more recoil than a lighter revolver. Something like a
Smith & Wesson Model 60 with a 3-inch barrel shooting 158 gr 38 special ammunition might be a good compromise in size, weight, and firepower.
Semiautomatics can have a lower bore axis because of the self loading method of bringing rounds to the chamber (there is no cylinder to accommodate). The rearward motion due to recoil is partially dampened by the recoil spring retarding the slide and tilting of the barrel (unless the barrel is a fixed barrel). That is, while the recoil energy may be the same as a particular revolver, it is dissipated over a longer period of time in a semiautomatic and feels less intense.
Big recoil, big leverage, big ouch. Small recoil, big leverage, smaller ouch. Small recoil, small leverage, even smaller ouch. Dissipating force over time will also lessen the ouch.
HK P7 M8 (8+1 rds 9mm) or M13 (13+1 rds 9 mm) are steel pistols (absorbing more recoil than polymer) with fixed barrels (increasing inherent accuracy) and a gas pressure system that retards rearward motion of the slide until the bullet has left the barrel. This dissipates some of the ballistic energy of the bullet as well as of the recoil. These guns shooting American Eagle 147 gr Flat Point (AE9FP) have relatively little of either recoil or muzzle flip compared to most 9 mm pistols firing equivalent cartridges. Some P7 shooters change the recoil spring to make the guns perform with this relatively heavy, slow (subsonic) round. I've had no problem with either the M8 or M13 with stock springs. The 147 Gr is a required bullet weight for some LE Agencies, for what that's worth. Over penetration is not a dealbreaker for this round, in my opinion. I really like my P7's (M8/M13).
They can cost a bunch, they have a unique method of operation, and they are currently out of production. New In Box M8's are over $1300, M13's over $1500, lifetime service for original owner. Used ones are anywhere upwards of $900 (M8) and $1100 (M13). Used versions of earlier P7's, like the PSP, can be had for upwards of $650. If you buy used, expect to pay for service, unless you luck out and don't need any or HK loves you...
Glocks have a low bore axis,
Steyr too but both are relatively light in mass, so recoil is less damped than with a steel gun.
Kahrs are pretty good and available in steel. So are
Para Ordnance's pistols, also previously mentioned.
Find a rental place nearby, see what they have, check'em out.
HTH
