I need Solace, Support or Reprimanding...

Status
Not open for further replies.
I don't think you did anything WRONG, but hindsight always is 20/20. Could've, would've, should've.

My unprepared, unthought-out response probably would have been "Mind your own business," perhaps with an extra colorful word or two. It's part of the eloquence I learned from being raised in NY. ;)
 
probably would not

probably would not mention caliber or firearm, but if he caught me in the wrong mood, I am not above telling him that in that case the best case scenario for him would be a trip to the emergency room and worst case to the morgue.
 
not the absolute best thing you could of said, but not the worst either. On a personal level, I couldn't agree more with what you said, but with gun grabbers, liberals, political correctness, etc, you have to watch your mouth anymore :mad:

In the future, I wouldn't directly reference the fact your armed, but more along the lines of " If you had done such a thing, you would be explaining your misdeeds to the deity of your choosing". But no harm, no foul.
 
Never ever ever threaten to use your gun on someone, even in the hypothetical. If you need to make yourself clear, do so in other terms. I'd have chosen words like "It'd have been the last thing you ever do". However, in your scenerio, the only appropriate response to being told how to parent your child by a complete stranger is
MIND YOUR OWN (INSERT CHOSEN EXPLITIVE HERE) BUSINESS.
Click to expand...

As StuckinMA said.....mentioning the word "gun" in a public place can easily be misconstrued by the general sheepdom....you might end up on the 6o'clock news.
 
I don't have ANY reprimanding for you. You are an adult, and have already been rethinking your responses. I'm not sure how I would have handled your situation. I hope I would calmly make one dismissing but courteous statement to him and leave. But I do know that when it comes to my kids, there are some strong emotions that come to the forefront, the first being protection.
Solace and support coming right up....would you like fries with that? Seriously though, with a CCW, its usually easier to try to calmly compromise and verbally de-escalate in a confrontation, because I know I have a plan B, if the confronter decides to become threatening to my life.
 
Although I totally understand the anger, best not to say anything that might be *misconstrued* as a threat or implied threat. Especially if a gun is mentioned. Any anti within earshot would have loved to twist your words around to justify calling the cops on a gun guy.

Maybe, (with appropriate tone in voice), "Thanks, but your concern is misplaced and not needed, as I'm perfectly capable of keeping my child safe."

"But, I could have....."

"Go away, you're becoming annoying and I'll have to notify store management."

K
 
He said to me that it was far enough the "he" could have picked him up and walked out the door with him before I knew it.

This is where I think I screwed up in handling the situation....

My response was: "If that had happened, you sir would have had at least 4 rounds of .380 in you and I would be following close behind to place the remainder into your skull. You would not have gotten away with my child in hand."
His reply was: "What are you some big shot Rambo?"
My retort: "No, his father and my son will not end up like Jessica Lunsford at the hand of someone like you."
Click to expand...

Next thing you see is do gooder citizen walking up with police officer:

Citizen: "There he is. I saw his son crying and searching for him. I told him I thought he should keep a closer eye on his kid - and he threatened to shoot me. Like some kind of Rambo. He threatened to shoot me 3 times in the back and once in the head. He said he's put a .380 in my skull!"

Good luck on that. :)

In my opinion, there is no verbal contest that is worth losing your CCW. The man was not a threat to you or your son - he was only a threat to your ego. And if he hadn't been partially correct, it wouldn't have stung so bad. :)

I am a dad that has been distracted while watching a child, so I'm not talking down. Scared the crap out of me. Learn and move on.

I would avoid that mall for a while. By the time the good citizen has told the story a few times to his cronies a few times, they may convince him he has an obligation to "press charges." I wouldn't rely on him accurately relaying the story to his friends (or to anyone else) - your "If" may get left out.

Mike
 
"Get lost" would have about covered it. Don't escalate the situation, don't threaten, and don't reveal any information about yourself at all. Pick your child up, walk away, and realize that you don't have to be angry about idiots. There are many idiots in this world, and if get mad at them for little stuff you'll spend most of your time angry. It's just not worth it.

Now if he would have followed you, or threated your child, then you should have cracked him upside the skull.

Politely.
 
You need to learn to deescalate the situation.
Click to expand...

Why?

If the guy had come up and started ranting about whatever, fine. It's not worth the breath. As tmpick said, there are many idiots in this world.
When your children come into play, however, there's a whole lot more going on here. The guy did make an implied threat of kidnapping, and any response (even if over-reacting a little) especially to bring the general public's attention to this guy, is not only perfectly permissible, but IMO necessary.

De-escalation has its place, of course. Like I said, some people/situations aren't worth the time.

On the other hand, having "de-escalation" as your motto eventually turns into "I'm going to let everyone trample on me." As with everything else, judicious use is required.
 
It would be one thing if the guy politely reminded or suggested to you to keep a better watch over your kid (though honestly, if he never left your sight and vicinity there's nothing to complain about), that's one thing. However, to publicly berate you and suggest that he may be able to harm your kid, that's something else.

I think you went a little too far though. You should have just told him to leave you alone in a polite fashion, but you did escalate the situation. You should have just left him if he tried to do your job for you.
If it was someone else, you may have made yourself a dangerous enemy. Be less aggressive in the future, but never be afraid to tell someone to never even imply a threat about your kid.
 
I think you should have left out the part about how many rounds you were going to use.
 
He began to tell me about how somebody could have easily walked off with my child and I would have never known it.
Click to expand...

It sounds as though the citizen did really have the welfare of the child at heart.

Maybe you should have thanked him for his concern, instead of trying to convince him that he was wrong - he was concerned about your kid, which is a good thing.

Even if he misunderstood the situation, his heart was in the right place. Suppose that he had been right - and your glance at the book had taken longer than you had thought. Would you have wanted him to intervene?

Gotta be honest - sounds like he was more concerned about your kid, and you were more concerned about your ego, "How dare he talk to me like that!"

Mike
 
You're getting support from me, that moron got what he had coming. When someone says that they could have walked off with your child that can be easily taken as a threat and I can see where your coming from. The guy seemed to have your son's welfare as the base of his argument, however it seems as though he only wanted to make himself seem smarter than you.
 
IMO, you ran your mouth far more than was needful.
"Butt out."
"Bugger off."
"Mind your own business."
"Do I know you?"
Not replying.
These would all have handled the situation adequately, especially not replying to the old fellow at all. The carrying on about how many rounds you'd have pumped into him before administering the coup de grace strikes me as being all about dominance. When he reprimanded you, that was a dominance display. So you had to make a bigger, fiercer display. Why did you need to say anything to him at all? I walk away from busybodies and idiots all the time and find my life better for it.
Some of the recommended replies here read better than they would sound in real life. Probably they'd sound terrific in a Bruce Willis movie. Life isn't a movie, though. In real life, brevity and clarity are what is required.
 
I would pick my daughter up and say "See that man right there? He's the kind of person I'm talking about when I say there are mean people that will try to steal you from Mommy or Daddy. You didn't even see him watching you did you?"
Click to expand...

If you are more concerned about "winning" an ego battle with a man who's concerned about your child than you are about he child, it's a great response!

Using your children is the best policy to salvage ego when you've been called out - especially when you get to lie to them in the process! What could be better?

Mike
 
As some have pointed out, there is more than one side to these situations. (I have not read the whole thread).

More than once while walking in the local mall I have had a very small child come flying down the hall toward me, with no mother in sight. I would speak to the child, saying something simple like "Hi, where's Mommy?", and keeping that up for a few moments. Then a terrifed mother would come barreling down the hall. I would say something like "I was afraid he would reach the escalator or an exit". The mother would say nothing, but shoot me a look as she rescued her child from what she obviously thought was an old pervert.

I thought I was doing the right thing.
 
I thought I was doing the right thing.
Click to expand...

You probably did - but that's the crux of the issue. We can either live in a society where we watch out for each other's kids, or we can live in a society where we don't.

If we chose to live in a society where we watch out for each others' kids, then we have to handle inevitable misunderstandings with grace and courtesy - not anger.

If we chose to live a society where we do not watch out for each other's kids, then we are free to react with anger when someone intervenes.

That's our choice. But what is not fair is to expect people to keep an eye out for our kids, and then react with anger when they do.

Mike
 
JohnMcD348, rather than worrying about it too much, I would just take a lesson from this and resolve not to react so strongly the next time. The very fact that you are concerned about your reaction indicates that you are probably more socially aware than the pissant who hard timed you.

Describing the method by which you intend to dispatch him if he touches your child probably only caused him to brag to his feckless homies about how he told off that NRA type neanderthal in the bookstore. He richly deserved being told off, but he really wasn't worth the effort.

YOU know you were right, and YOU know you were in control of the situation. You also know that YOU are a good dad who loves his son and would stomp a mudhole into someone's butt for trying to harm him. YOU know the truth of what was really happening, and this old busybody with nothing better to do was without any kind of clue. Pity an old fool like that.

Anyway, like I said, don't lose any sleep over it. You could have done better, but you could have also done worse. If I had a nickle for each time I regretted something that came out of my mouth, I would have enough money to guy another gun. :D
 
I think it was his wagging finger that put me over the edge. I felt embarassed like I was his grandchild about to get a spanking for doing wrong. In that instant I thought "Where does he get off?". My son was standing there beside me holding my leg with a death grip looking up at him. I can honestly say, I didn't feel truly angry or even hostile. I felt this old fart needed to be put in his place and I let my mouth over run. As soon as I said what I did, I wanted to reach out and grab the words and put them back inside. I have had a CCW in Florida since I was 22, that's been a little over 15 years now. It is the only time this has ever happened to me. I'm more mad at myself for not having come up with a good quick response that would have put him in his place more than, I think, anything else.
 
I felt embarassed like I was his grandchild about to get a spanking for doing wrong.
Click to expand...

I hope that may words did not seem too strong - I very much understand reacting from the heat of the situation.

Mike
 
not at all Mike. I am not taking any of this input with anything but an open mind. This is a personal learning experience for me.
 
You know I'm all in support of you, brother - but you also know that at one point you really WEREN'T supervising your kid. The old guy is a busybody, but kids are kids - they can get into tons of trouble in a blink of the eye.

My exgf's little brother was unsupervised for about, oh, two minutes while the dad went to the stove. Little three year old boy. well, he managed to pull a small sewing machine down on himself, and it ripped the tip of his right index finger off. About 1/4" of finger, gone forever. Today of course that 1/4" would have been about 1".

Point is, the guy was a jerk about it, but he had a point. Gotta be careful.
 
I find it to be therapeutic to occasionally be able to give some moron 'the look' and invite them to "p*** up a stick and get the hell out of my face, A**hole". Sorta like a micro vacation...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

P
  • Locked
Do you teach your young children gun safety?
2 3
Replies
50
Views
3K
Pushrod
P
F
  • Locked
Got a call from my son's school principal today
2 3
Replies
56
Views
3K
solareclipse
S
longdayjake
  • Locked
Kids And Guns
2
Replies
39
Views
2K
RKBABob
R
R
  • Locked
More gun than I need
2 3
Replies
56
Views
2K
strambo
S
Brian Williams
  • Locked
great way to explain defense
Replies
2
Views
518
pax
P
Back
Top