My wife and daughters have slight frames, but they have learned how to rack the slide on any semi-auto.
The secret is to exert force with both hands.
Grip the slide with one hand, and as you are pulling the slide back with that hand, shove the grip away with the other hand.
Do it quickly, and let the slide snap forward when it is all the way back.
Even my 90lb. 16 year old was able to do it!
As for carry, consider the fanny pack, a concealment purse, or just a good sturdy purse with lots of pockets.
My wife has a KelTec P32 that she had me install the pocket clip on.
It clips inside the waist of her jeans and disappears.
I had a MK9 that I loved, but found it too heavy for me to carry.
(That made it a joy to shoot though.)
I now have a PM9 that I love.
In all but the tightest jeans, it carries nicely in a pocket.
Pleated slacks are even better at concealing the gun.
You will have an easier time carrying in a pocket than most of us guys do, because women generally have more of an "hourglass" shape, which helps keep your pants up.
We guys tend to be more "wineglass" shaped.
Many of us here on THR are involved in the life-long search for the "perfect" carry gun.
That is half the fun!