rainbowbob
Member
This is long, but I am recounting an incident that occurred today that I am still processing for lessons to be learned
Today my wife and I took our 4-year-old grandson and our dog to the off-leash park. We had just entered the park, the dog and the boy were playing, and Grandma and I were nearby. A puppy ran up to the boy and jumped up on him (as puppies are wont to do). I gave him the “off” command several times while looking around for the owner to take control.
Anyone who has been to a dog-park with small children knows this is a regular occurrence and not a big deal. Having said that, it is also common practice, common sense, and common courtesy for the owner to remain in proximity of their pet and attempt as best as they can to control and teach their puppy not to be obnoxious. We’ve been going to this park since Lola was a puppy – and it took a lot of patience, much embarrassment, and many profuse apologies to work her into a good dog.
After a long minute of fending off this puppy, I noticed that the owners, a man and women, were fully aware of what was going on, and saying nothing. So I asked them if they would please take control of their puppy. The woman kind of skulked away, while the man belligerently came over and muttered something along the lines of, “This is a dog park…I’ll control my dog - you control your kid.”
I just ignored him and began to move away. My wife was offended and said something about how our grandson wasn’t doing anything wrong. I said (admittedly loud enough for him to hear) that the posted rules require all owners to be in control of their dogs at all times and are responsible for preventing intrusive and inappropriate behavior.
Here’s where it got hinky:
From about 20 yards away he asked loudly in a threatening tone, “Do we need to talk about this some more?”
My back was turned to him and as I looked around I realized he was closing the distance between us quickly and aggressively.
I turned to face him with my left side bladed toward him and my right hand around the stocks of the snub in my front right pocket and replied, “There isn’t much to talk about, just read the posted rules.”
He kept coming, and he had a “look” in his eyes and the body language of a violent man with a short fuse.
I was ready to back away and attempt to defuse the situation while keeping my eyes on him. Suddenly my wife jumped between us and starting yelling, “I don’t need this s**t!”
I backed away, and he also retreated saying, “If your wife and kid weren’t here I would really f*** with you.”
I said, “Is that right?”
He said, “Yeah, that’s right...idiot!”
I took my wife and grandson and moved in the other direction.
The wife was understandably upset, and so was I. neither of us wanted to scare our boy any further, or allow it to ruin our day at the park – and it didn’t.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tonight, we were able to dissect what had happened, what we did wrong, and how we’d do it differently. This is what we came up with:
I should have recognized his belligerent, anti-social behavior for what it was sooner. I should have immediately moved my wife and Grandson in the opposite direction as quickly as possible without commenting at a volume loud enough for him to hear. That probably would have been the end of it.
Despite those measures, if it had escalated to the point it did, my wife should NOT have come between us. This put her, my Grandson, and me MORE at risk. We are new (a year ½) to CC, and she is still not entirely comfortable with it. Part of that has to do with the fact that we have not talked through that many scenarios, and she was unsure – and afraid – about what I would do if challenged. [I must interject that we have been married 33 years and I have NEVER been in a fight in all those years.]
I explained that it was her responsibility to get herself and the boy out of harm’s way by moving laterally away from the scene. I assured her that my “manhood” and my ego were not important factors – and that this oaf’s opinion of me was irrelevant to our safety. I went on to assure her that my response – had she not intervened – would have been to back away, hand up, palm out, calmly telling him that we have nothing further to discuss. I went on to say that I would have walked backward - all the way to the lake if necessary – while he called me every kind of name. I would NOT have drawn my weapon unless and until he charged me after every attempt to de-escalate.
Having the opportunity to discuss it in depth was a useful exercise for both of us, and we both agreed with this after-incident assessment. I understand that I have to do more – sooner – to de-escalate. I think my wife genuinely understands for the first time that carrying an SD firearm does NOT mean I am looking for the opportunity to use it. After seeing the look in this thug’s eyes, she also seems to understand from this experience why a gun may be necessary as a last resort – and that I am sincere and confident in my ability to “keep it in my pants” unless it comes to that.
Thanks for listening.
Today my wife and I took our 4-year-old grandson and our dog to the off-leash park. We had just entered the park, the dog and the boy were playing, and Grandma and I were nearby. A puppy ran up to the boy and jumped up on him (as puppies are wont to do). I gave him the “off” command several times while looking around for the owner to take control.
Anyone who has been to a dog-park with small children knows this is a regular occurrence and not a big deal. Having said that, it is also common practice, common sense, and common courtesy for the owner to remain in proximity of their pet and attempt as best as they can to control and teach their puppy not to be obnoxious. We’ve been going to this park since Lola was a puppy – and it took a lot of patience, much embarrassment, and many profuse apologies to work her into a good dog.
After a long minute of fending off this puppy, I noticed that the owners, a man and women, were fully aware of what was going on, and saying nothing. So I asked them if they would please take control of their puppy. The woman kind of skulked away, while the man belligerently came over and muttered something along the lines of, “This is a dog park…I’ll control my dog - you control your kid.”
I just ignored him and began to move away. My wife was offended and said something about how our grandson wasn’t doing anything wrong. I said (admittedly loud enough for him to hear) that the posted rules require all owners to be in control of their dogs at all times and are responsible for preventing intrusive and inappropriate behavior.
Here’s where it got hinky:
From about 20 yards away he asked loudly in a threatening tone, “Do we need to talk about this some more?”
My back was turned to him and as I looked around I realized he was closing the distance between us quickly and aggressively.
I turned to face him with my left side bladed toward him and my right hand around the stocks of the snub in my front right pocket and replied, “There isn’t much to talk about, just read the posted rules.”
He kept coming, and he had a “look” in his eyes and the body language of a violent man with a short fuse.
I was ready to back away and attempt to defuse the situation while keeping my eyes on him. Suddenly my wife jumped between us and starting yelling, “I don’t need this s**t!”
I backed away, and he also retreated saying, “If your wife and kid weren’t here I would really f*** with you.”
I said, “Is that right?”
He said, “Yeah, that’s right...idiot!”
I took my wife and grandson and moved in the other direction.
The wife was understandably upset, and so was I. neither of us wanted to scare our boy any further, or allow it to ruin our day at the park – and it didn’t.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tonight, we were able to dissect what had happened, what we did wrong, and how we’d do it differently. This is what we came up with:
I should have recognized his belligerent, anti-social behavior for what it was sooner. I should have immediately moved my wife and Grandson in the opposite direction as quickly as possible without commenting at a volume loud enough for him to hear. That probably would have been the end of it.
Despite those measures, if it had escalated to the point it did, my wife should NOT have come between us. This put her, my Grandson, and me MORE at risk. We are new (a year ½) to CC, and she is still not entirely comfortable with it. Part of that has to do with the fact that we have not talked through that many scenarios, and she was unsure – and afraid – about what I would do if challenged. [I must interject that we have been married 33 years and I have NEVER been in a fight in all those years.]
I explained that it was her responsibility to get herself and the boy out of harm’s way by moving laterally away from the scene. I assured her that my “manhood” and my ego were not important factors – and that this oaf’s opinion of me was irrelevant to our safety. I went on to assure her that my response – had she not intervened – would have been to back away, hand up, palm out, calmly telling him that we have nothing further to discuss. I went on to say that I would have walked backward - all the way to the lake if necessary – while he called me every kind of name. I would NOT have drawn my weapon unless and until he charged me after every attempt to de-escalate.
Having the opportunity to discuss it in depth was a useful exercise for both of us, and we both agreed with this after-incident assessment. I understand that I have to do more – sooner – to de-escalate. I think my wife genuinely understands for the first time that carrying an SD firearm does NOT mean I am looking for the opportunity to use it. After seeing the look in this thug’s eyes, she also seems to understand from this experience why a gun may be necessary as a last resort – and that I am sincere and confident in my ability to “keep it in my pants” unless it comes to that.
Thanks for listening.
Last edited:
