Let's play, "what would the reporters say about me"

[Aaryq]

A San Diego man wastaken to the hospital in critical condition after an Early-Morning police raid on their residence. Police discovered over 1000 rounds of ammunition (half is .22 the other half is assorted ammo) including "Armor Piercing Sniper Bullets" (.303 British), and over 200 rounds of "Cop Killer Ammunition" (.38 Special JHPs). Officers also uncovered a small cache of weapons including Police Style Pistols (my Ruger P89), a magazine fed shotgun (bolt action with a 2+1 capacity), 2 sniper rifles (a single shot bolt action .22 with iron sights and a 1970's era marlin semi-automatic .22 with a scope) plus plans to buy many more assault weapons and cop killing rounds. Other things discovered were a bullet proof vest, a bullet proof helmet, Assault Rifle High Capacity Magazines, other assorted military gear (issued to me by Uncle Sam), along with Nazi Literature (Mein Kampf), terrorist training material (Tactics of the Crescent Moon), and many other books about killing and warfare (Art of War, a renaissance era drill manual, medieval fighting manual, a few books about the Vietnam War, etc). Many violent movies and video games were also found.

"They were a quiet family and kept to themselves," Commented John Smith, a neighbor, "They never had any rowdy parties or the police stop by or anything. They stayed at home even on the weekends (I don't make too much so we only go out when we need to) except on Sunday mornings."

Later this afternoon, the sheriff is expected to make a comment.

 

[whitetiger7654]

I'm not really sure what they would make of me, but I can definately see the neihbors saying "He was such a nice person, I never expected...."

God don't even get me started. I think my whole neighborhood would just shut down. The Homeowner's Association would all probably die of heart attacks the old bags. My neighbor would supply the press with security camera footage of the raid. (He has his whole house under video survellance. No I'm not joking) The HOA would send out someone to measure the lawn and check the location of trash cans so they could tell the news it was 2 inches longer than the rules allowed. It would be bad.

 

[Biker]

"He was a handsome man with a large collection of guns, guitars, motorcycle parts and... lesbian porn."

Biker

 

[Aaryq]

"He was a handsome man with a large collection of guns, guitars, motorcycle parts and... lesbian porn."

Biker

Biker: You always say something to brighten my day. I've been at work since 5am It's now 7:50pm and I have at least 2 more hours if not more before I can secure. Thank you.

 

[ZeSpectre]

...and a local man was just returned to freedom after spending 6 months at Gitmo after confusion and a bizzare case of mistaken identity...

 

[heron]

. . . small arms, including a Sniper Rifle [my Savage single-shot .22, but with the sinister-looking Williams FP sight set and black plastic stock], a military-style automatic pistol with black holster [Ruger 22/45 Mk III], and almost five thousand bullets. His bookshelf held several slide-rules, a copy of the CRC Handbook of Chemistry and Physics (obviously to research homemade WMD), a 1960 edition of the Allied Electronics Data Handbook, containing esoteric electronic schematics and specifications for high-tech bomb detonators and secret communications apparatus, and a two-volume set of "The Complete Works of Mark Twain," a well-known seventeenth-century subversive.
It was noted with suspicion that a small makeshift darkroom in the basement contained some photo processing chemicals and old flash bulbs, but no enlargers or other other such equipment.
Attempts are still under way to search his computer's hard drive, as soon as an expert can be found who can operate Windows 98.
The 57-year old suspect, who walks with a cane, has no arrest record whatsoever, which has also raised some questions with authorities. He freely admitted to not having filed a tax return last year, but claims that he was unemployed at the time, and still is.
Also, a garage workshop was found to contain a drill press and some hand tools, including a small box-cutter, as well as some random lengths of PVC pipe. Local authorities are still debating whether to involve the FBI in this investigation.

 

[thexrayboy]

"He was a handsome man with a large collection of guns, guitars, motorcycle parts and... lesbian porn."

Biker
If you hadn't gone and used the "H" word it would have been believable.

ZeSpectre

Scary, just scary the resemblance. Are you even allowed in an airport now...much less near a plane?


If my house was raided the neighbors wouldn't know what to say. Probably words to the effect of "he was a loner, no one really knew him well because he kept to himself. We had no idea he owned dozens and dozens of those evil guns and enough ammuniton to kill everyone in the county".

Of course the fact that the nearest house is hundreds of yards away would not be mentioned.

 

[iiibdsiil]

"College student charged by EPA for violation regarding dirty dishes. Also found in possession of a small 9 caliber (mm) hand gun, extra clip, both full of cop killer bullets (Speer Gold Dots). Firearm was confiscated due to pending felony charge by EPA. His computer showed that he frequently visited gun sites, and the gun magazines on the bathroom floor clearly indicate he was obsessed with guns. Bail amount will be minimal as bank account records indicate he is broke. Final testing will be done on the ring inside the toilet bowl, and additional charges may be filed."

 

[the pistolero]

Found in the man's residence was a safe with several military-style weapons, including one chambered for a cartridge so powerful it was rejected by the FBI. Beside the safe was a small bench with an apparatus for loading his own extra-deadly ammunition for this weapon and others, along with more than 100 rounds of ammunition in various calibers; a portion of this cache was sitting in plain view on a chest in the resident's bedroom.
"He obviously had no qualms about showing off the fact that he had an affinity for deadly weapons," said Sgt. Richard Weed of the Rathole Police Department. "He thought it was normal, I guess, like golf or woodworking. But the community is safe now. His days of ambushing innocent paper targets are over."

 

[jmtgsx]

he said Richard Weed.

 

[hqmhqm]

... the suspect's home was found to contain materials to detonate a remotely operated explosive device [a cell phone and an alarm clock next to the bed].

A closet containing a cache of thousands of rounds of high velocity ammunition was discovered.

Police will not comment on reports that a chainsaw was found in the basement. A neighbor is quoted as saying "Why would an honest man need a chainsaw?"

 

[2TransAms]

Sgt. Richard Weed... LOL,took me a second to catch it...

In other news,a Troy man was taken into custody after sniping his neighbor's yappy runt dog from his rooftop. Police found over twenty weapons,including unregistered handguns,a "riot" shotgun, and an all-black AK-47 which is believed to be more dangerous than an AK-47 in any other color.

"He seemed like such a nice young man. I can't believe it...you never think this will happen in your own neighborhood,"said an elderly neighbor,"but I'm glad he shot that obnoxious dog."

"I believe it,"the suspect's coworker said,"he's nuts.Yeah,I'm not surprised at all."

Computer experts have revealed his interests to be the 1911 pistol and nude beach voyeur cams."We're still not sure if there's a link between the two,but we're looking into it,"a police spokesman stated. "He actually seemed to be looking for a nude shooting range."

 

[CannonFodder]

Police raided a South Philadelphia home this morning to find a startling array of weapons. The perpetrator, having been apprehended by several brave officers of the Philadelphia PD, was forced to surrender his arsenal. A military fetishist, he collected several several weapons of government issue, including a Yugoslavian surplus assault rifle, two pistols currently in use by the US and German armies, and a combat shotgun modified to even greater lethality with the addition of a special-ops pistol grip. Even more alarming was the discovery of a .22 caliber hunting rifle that was altered for sniping purposes. The seven officers who conduted the raid were relieved to find that the suspect had not loaded any of his assault weapons, thus making subduing him easier.

The suspect is being detained at Mt. Sinai hospital under police surveilance where he's recovering from injuries sustained in the arrest. A hearing is scheduled in 3 months, though if the suspect's condition warrants, it could be much longer.

 

[Neo-Luddite]

"The suspect was described by his wife, children, and many friends as a 'troubled loner'...."

 

[bensdad]

Larry Ashcroft

Tell the story!!!

 

[camonympho]

larrys not the only one thats been there done that...thankfully all were properly owned and nothing could be taken confiscated or charged..at least not with the firearms....

 

[Detachment Charlie]

Several neighbors who were interviewed after the incident described him a "a quiet, polite man, but seemed sort of a loner." Others noted he always smiled and waved to neighbors and seemed kind to children and animals. "This is just so bizzare. I Never would have suspected him of anything like this, especially living in this neighborhood."
The only line that will be missing from the usual reportage will be the ever-familiar almost obligatory quote: "But, he was such a good boy...and he was just getting his life back together," said his grandmother.:banghead:

 

[phaed]

this is from a real news clipping...

"The homeowner used a high powered rifle, similar to an A-K 47, to defend himself when he noticed his house had been robbed."

it was an sks.

 

[BBQJOE]

Arizona.
Upon receiving an anonymous tip that an Arizona business owner was carrying a concealed weapon on the premises during business hours, police encroached upon the property of said owner.

The owner of the business, "BBQJOE" denied entrance to the building by the officers, and was heard to say "Get a permit if you want in here."

A number of officer climbed back in their helicopter and flew from the remote desert location. (Remote desert locations are highly known to conceal meth labs.)

The officers returned an hour later with search warrants on probable cause due to the owner refusing a "Perfectly legal" search of his premises.
The owner was found to have a semi-automatic pistol concealed upon him. The pistol was loaded with nine 9mm hi-powered hollow point bullets. Officers believed that they had thwarted a possible preplanned shooting, because the owner had one bullet in the chamber and all that was needed to murder someone was the easy pull of a trigger.

Officers also came across a glass display case with numerous knives, possibly sold to the general public or passersby for ease of committing murderous crimes.

A small room in the back of the building was found to contain a Bullet manufacturing lab. In it were the components to make thousands of rounds of deadly ammunition, of which some could easily be used to commit crimes, kill police officers and seriously wound public officials.
Police confiscated 2 pounds of a very high explosive known to those in the terrorist world as Win 231.
Many containers of highly explosive small metallic buttons were also seized. These buttons are used to detonate the highly explosive Win 231.

Officers instructed "BBQJOE" to open the safe they found openly concealed in plain sight.
In the safe they found numerous 20, 10, 5, and one dollar bills. It is suspected that these bills were obtained by the sale of numerous BBQ sandwiches and ribs.
It was later believed that since the safe was also housing a ferociously deadly sks sniper rifle with attached bayonette, that the owner must have obtained the money through some terrorist underground and the money was then confiscated.

Also found were two highly powerful "Dirty Harry" handguns. These guns are believed to be able to stop a moving car at 100 miles an hour dead in it's tracks.

When asked if he had any other weapons, he proceeded to show them various other items in the building including fire extinguishers, hammers, chainsaws, ice cream scoops and rubber spatulas.

Officers were bewildered when they found a computer with an astounding 80 gig hard drive in the office.
"No one needs 80 gigs of hard drive" officer Brandon was heard to say.
They also found a laptop connected via a wireless interface. It was concluded that these two computers could work in conjunction and quite possibly build a nuclear weapon or even take over the world.

Stay tuned for more on this story as events unfold.............

 

[skinnyguy]

Well, since I'm in Utah-

Police raided the home of a suspected terrorist in Tooele (too-ill-uh) today. He had an unbelievable amount of contraband and "questionable" if not outright illegal items in his home.

First were the cigarettes. He had posession of several packs of full-flavor 100's displayed openly. Several types of alcoholic beverages, though not in an excessive amount, and about 7 types of coffee. Then there were the magazines, Pen****se, Pla***y, some old copies of Hu****r, and others. Several videos and DVDs that aren't even mentionable, and a computer FULL of 200+ gig of downloaded files.

Oh yeah, he had some guns and 30 round magazines in his possession too.

 

[Sindawe]

ZeSpectre's doppleganger

Man, that is spooky & scary. Makes me wonder what MY doppleganger is up to these days...fortunately he looked to be the "Blue light & pink fluffy bunny" type when I spotted him in a drumming circle years ago. I guess there are advantages to being the "Evil Twin" after all.

 

[Blackbeard]

Being that I'm still a newbie, mine is pretty lightweight:

"A search of the suspect's home uncovered a semi-automatic handgun with two high-capacity magazine clips similar to the one used in the Virginia Tech massacre. A bill before the state assembly would ban private ownership of this type of weapon. Found on his computer were links to several firearm websites, the ultra-right-wing propaganda site, the Drudge Report, as well as an indescribable amount of pornography. The suspect's financial records indicate several donations to military-based organizations (VFW and PVA)."


Not reported: My gun lock, in place, and total absence of any ammunition in the house.

 

[PistolNewbie]

If my home was raided, they would probably feel like they were in the middle of a bad "Alfred Hitchcock Hour" episode or the "Twilight Zone." My personality as well as our home is very eclectic so they would probably consult a forensic psychologist! What a hoot!

 

[PracticeFreedom]

"Agents from the BATFE raided a Texas home and off-site storage shed today and found a massive stockpile containing dozens of assault weapons, hundreds of high capacity magazines, and several hundred thousand rounds of ammunition. The suspect is being charged with murder as all of the agents from California and Washington D.C. took 1 look at this stockpile and died on the spot. He is also being charged with sexual assault as the agents from Southern States had to go home, change their pants, and wait for their smiles to disappear."

 

[fatelk]

"An early morning raid was conducted today, drugs and guns were found. Upon closer inspection it was discovered that the drugs were actually prescription allergy medication, and the guns were mostly obsolete, all legally owned and safely stored. Upon further examination it was found that police had raided the wrong house by mistake. Police returned the firearms and prescription medication with an apology and a promise to send someone to fix the door."

I know, the apology part is probably a stretch.
This sort of thing illustrates perfectly why you really need to dot your I's and cross your T's if you own more than a couple guns. No need to be ashamed or overly secretive about your hobby, just be legal and aware of appearances.

I too am very curious about the story behind the photo, Larry Ashcraft. No need to keep us all wondering.