My english paper...

[Nick1911]

Well, I had to do an english paper, so naturally I chose to topic of gun control.

The paper is kinda long and at some points it rambles a bit, but I would apperciate any and all feedback if you want to read it.

(Still a few ackward phrases I'm working out...)

http://www.geocities.com/chessplayer_1986/paper.htm

Thanks for your time
Nick

 

[George Hill]

The sports car fallacy.

People speed in sports cars. Kids are dieing every day in their modified Honda race cars. The solution is obvious. Lets establish a law that bans sports cars. A sports car is defined as having two or more of the following features: tinted widows, spoiler, alloy rims, louder then normal exhaust, or non mono-color paint job. Sports cars that were already made before the date this law goes into effect will be “grand fathered†in, and can be modified however the owner chooses - being as it’s already a “sports carâ€. This will help keeps kids from dieing in auto accidents.

Excellent.

 

[another okie]

dying. Let's.

If you are typing this on a computer, run spell check and grammar check. Your English teacher will appreciate it.

 

[Waitone]

Nice work. Do the spell check thingy.

--Do you really mean to say "NASA" in the context of ATF?

--Change "by-pods" to "bipods."

--Somehow work into you sports car analogy the idea of a hi-capacity gas tank.

Let us know how is is received.

 

[4v50 Gary]

and "dying" for "dieing."

I like those evil features for sports car.

 

[Orion]

Spel chkkkpleez

 

[natedog]

Also, on bayonet lugs, add something to the effect of "there has never been a single documented use of an affixed bayonet in a crime".

 

[Stickjockey]

A couple that might get past the spell checker:

Paragraph 2, sentence 2: "its self" should be "itself".

Paragraph 19, sentence 5: "just use the 4473 form" should read "must use the 4473 form".

Paragraph 22, sentence 4 "presiding" should be "residing"

Also:

You might put something in that clarifies that your definition of "assault weapons" is the one used in the AWB, and make the distinction between these and actual assault weapons (the select-fire, NFA type)

In paragraph 2, the phrase, "Murder rates are shooting up to as much as an 18% higher annual increase..." could use a little work. Might I suggest something like, "Murder rates are skyrocketing; as much as 18% in some instances..."


Just some thoughts...

 

[Nick1911]

Thank you all for taking the time to read through my paper and help me revise it. As you can probably guess, I am a terrible speller. (Along with a nagging tendency to overuse commas... ) It's ironic, I can find derivatives or integrals with my eyes closed, but I can't spell "blatantly" if my life depended on it; each to his own i guess. I have tried to address most the issues here, and am glad the sports car analogy was a hit. At any rate I get to hand this in to a blatantly anti English teacher (thinks all handguns should be banned; you know the type ) This was written with him in mind.
Thanks again,
Nick

(P.S. believe it or not, the NASA part was intentional: the page URL=http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/bu2/inflate.html]here[/URL] (which seemed hokey, but the domain was right...?)

*edited for grammar - DOH! :banghead:

 

[Doug444]

Nick1911,
Any idea what car your teacher drives?

Just a thought.....

 

[benEzra]

The car analogy is excellent.

And the VPC would say that having a wing that protrudes conspicuously above the deck lid means that the car is designed to be slid sideways around corners . . .

 

[Andrew Rothman]

Sure, it's a good analogy, but what if the teacher agrees that sports cars should be banned? It's for the children!

 

[grnzbra]

Be careful of your sources. You referenced awbsunset.com. This would hardly be considered to be an unbiased source. Find out what their source was and reference that (after checking it)

A 12 g shotgun can be fired one handed; it is one of the exercises in LFI-2. The problem is that it's difficult to hold onto and that would be improved by a pistol grip. The one time that I fired an AR-15 (in the conventional manner; not one handed), it struck me as having almost no recoil, so I would not expect one handed shooting of that to be particularly difficult even without the pistol grip (I did that right after firing an M-14 full auto without a pistol grip, so my perception may be a little off).

The only weakness to the sports car analogy is the possible response that sports cars were not designed with killing people as their primary function.

 

[Slimjim]

If you didnt want to run from the cops, why else would you need a fast sports car with a extra capacity gas tank.



Maybe adding about how some antis are hypocrits, never actually firing a gun, but going against them.

Diane feinstein is a CCW holder, rosie employs armed gaurds and such.

 

[grnzbra]

Maybe adding about how some antis are hypocrits, never actually firing a gun, but going against them.

Or how about people who've never fired a gun telling people (target audience being others who know little about firearms) about why guns are made the way they are.

Check out Sara's website where they describe the differences between assault weapons and semi-automatics. For example, she is telling the soccer moms that the pistol grip was added to make it easier to fire from the hip, and that a flash suppressor helps keep the muzzle down during recoil.