So.... never posted all this here, only on Spyderco forums, but I'm finally all better and here's my long story and a lot of hindsight on it. Hope everyone gets a reminder to be safe from this...
What I posted on 9/23, 2 days after it happened, on the Spyderco forums:
"I had just gotten a new Endura 4 FFG in blue and was very excited about it, I was playing around with it and fondling it like we all do when we open up a new knife. It's a universal symptom of our knife addiction.
Standing in my living room, I had just spun the handle into a reverse grip, when something distracted me, I think my dog barking outside. As I turned to check out the distraction, I gently brought my hand down without thinking about it...
I felt something "brush" the front of my jeans, and before I even looked I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "Oh that was the knife, I need to be more careful or I'll stick myself!" So I look down a my thigh, and there's the Endura stabbed into my thigh with blood squirted across the blade. still felt absolutely no pain. My hand is still on the knife, which of course I pull right out, in shocked slow motion.
At this point, I think I only gave myself maybe a small scrape, or at the very least something fixed by a few minutes of pressure and a big band aid, so I head downstairs to my basement restroom and (I can't believe I did this) rinse the blood of the blade while I hold a nearby rag to my leg, which still doesn't hurt.
I close the blade and slide it back onto my pocket, but when I look at my leg again, I finally take a good look at what I did to myself... I can clearly see an inch long cut, at least 3/4" of inch deep, with a soon foot by 6" blood stain in my jeans. Even though I just looked into my cut thigh muscles and a hollywood style spreading blood stain, my first thought is to move my phone from my right pocket to my left before it's drenched in blood. *facepalm*
It's only now that I have the "oh shoot!!' realization that I am drenched in blood and a band aid won't do the trick. As I head back up the stairs, maybe 1 minute after I stabbed myself, the pain starts- no sting, just a horrible aching cramp in the cut muscle that screams every time I try to use it. I'm limping terribly, soon I won't be able to walk at all.
A family member drives me to the local urgent care for 6 stitches and a few laughs. The walk from the car into the urgent care was the most painful experience of my entire life, and I've broken bones, jumped into a pool backwards and slammed my head on the deck, and been sent to the hospital by a broompole. I thought I was going to pass out after just a step or two.
When I wasn't trying to move, I still have that horrible "I just ran my muscle full speed into a doorknob" feeling that didn't go away til I forced a few Vikaden down when I finally made it home.
2 days of crippled misery and a ton of embarrassment later, I still can barely walk and hurt every time I move. The cut was right across the muscle in the middle front of my right thigh. I've had a lot of time to catch up on YouTube, forums, and some old movies, at least...
Lessons learned: Please, never ever stab yourself, for me? It hurts.
More "practical" lessons? A reverse grip is pretty dangerous to yourself if you don't know what you're doing. And you are distracted.
It took zero pressure for the tip of the Endura to go straight through jeans and the pocket beneath and then an inch into my leg.
It was over a minute before I felt any pain or was immobilized at all.
After maybe a minute, I've been pretty well impaired for days, just from one "small" stab.
So I repeat: DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!
Take Care!"
What I didn't know then was that I had 2 months of crutches and physical therapy to look forward to. Thank God it's all over and I just have a wicked scar, a bit of unresponsive muscle, some scar tissue, and some soreness now. I still have bad dreams where my right leg won't work, it can really suck. I still EDC that knife, and have no fears using it whatsoever. Except... I still get a sick feeling and a weird flinch any time I think of that feeling of the metal thing sliding right into my leg. The thought still makes me literally flinch, even get a little light headed. And I never, ever put the knife in a reverse grip.
Knives are like guns- you can NEVER "let your guard down" with safety. You can dry fire a gun, but if you are going "do the same" with a knife, use something blunt or at least don't let yourself be totally distracted by a dog barking. That ingrained habit to turn and look out the front window for a visitor when the dog barks did NOT serve me well either...
Also, the 1.5 by 1.5+" cut right into the very middle of my right quad had a pretty interesting effect on me. I missed my femoral artery by an inch, I'm blessed to be alive. For you guys who carry a knife for defense, especially those into all of Michael Janich's stuff on stopping attackers using an EDC folder against muscle targets....
First off, with very little force behind it, the tip went right through my jeans straight to the bone. So yes, knives can penetrate without superman-punch strength. This was gentle, but went in quick.
I was not under any stress or adrenaline at the moment it happened, but even then I didn't feel ANY debilitating pain for a good minute, and I was able to walk for another 30 plus seconds after it happened. A squirt of blood followed the blade out as I pulled it from my leg. Then it was just pouring like I'd never seen before.
Once I got down the stairs, limping pretty bad, the pain suddenly started, and my entire thigh muscle just shut down. I was absolutely stopped and crippled. Worst pain I have ever felt.
I was out of it for another 2 months, which totally sucked. That was a learning experience. To be in constant pain, not able to walk, and totally defensively useless is very, very depressing. Just such a downer to have an injury like that that takes so long to get better.
Treat people with injuries like that with sympathy, trust me, it is very very depressing to feel so much "less" than I wanted to. No one really thinks about the emotional effects of a physical injury- but they are the worst part.
The healing process was very difficult, lots and lots of physical therapy and tries and failures. My first tries walking with the physical therapist, that first run I tried and the muscle tore again, setting down that stack of chairs when I thought I was fine and had been walking for weeks and tearing it apart again... Just slow and painful. And I'm an 18 year old in good physical shape.
So please, always be very careful with knives and don't let your guard down when you have the new knife happies!
It's so great to be all better! Hope you guys learned something.
Noah
What I posted on 9/23, 2 days after it happened, on the Spyderco forums:
"I had just gotten a new Endura 4 FFG in blue and was very excited about it, I was playing around with it and fondling it like we all do when we open up a new knife. It's a universal symptom of our knife addiction.
Standing in my living room, I had just spun the handle into a reverse grip, when something distracted me, I think my dog barking outside. As I turned to check out the distraction, I gently brought my hand down without thinking about it...
I felt something "brush" the front of my jeans, and before I even looked I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "Oh that was the knife, I need to be more careful or I'll stick myself!" So I look down a my thigh, and there's the Endura stabbed into my thigh with blood squirted across the blade. still felt absolutely no pain. My hand is still on the knife, which of course I pull right out, in shocked slow motion.
At this point, I think I only gave myself maybe a small scrape, or at the very least something fixed by a few minutes of pressure and a big band aid, so I head downstairs to my basement restroom and (I can't believe I did this) rinse the blood of the blade while I hold a nearby rag to my leg, which still doesn't hurt.
I close the blade and slide it back onto my pocket, but when I look at my leg again, I finally take a good look at what I did to myself... I can clearly see an inch long cut, at least 3/4" of inch deep, with a soon foot by 6" blood stain in my jeans. Even though I just looked into my cut thigh muscles and a hollywood style spreading blood stain, my first thought is to move my phone from my right pocket to my left before it's drenched in blood. *facepalm*
It's only now that I have the "oh shoot!!' realization that I am drenched in blood and a band aid won't do the trick. As I head back up the stairs, maybe 1 minute after I stabbed myself, the pain starts- no sting, just a horrible aching cramp in the cut muscle that screams every time I try to use it. I'm limping terribly, soon I won't be able to walk at all.
A family member drives me to the local urgent care for 6 stitches and a few laughs. The walk from the car into the urgent care was the most painful experience of my entire life, and I've broken bones, jumped into a pool backwards and slammed my head on the deck, and been sent to the hospital by a broompole. I thought I was going to pass out after just a step or two.
When I wasn't trying to move, I still have that horrible "I just ran my muscle full speed into a doorknob" feeling that didn't go away til I forced a few Vikaden down when I finally made it home.
2 days of crippled misery and a ton of embarrassment later, I still can barely walk and hurt every time I move. The cut was right across the muscle in the middle front of my right thigh. I've had a lot of time to catch up on YouTube, forums, and some old movies, at least...
Lessons learned: Please, never ever stab yourself, for me? It hurts.
More "practical" lessons? A reverse grip is pretty dangerous to yourself if you don't know what you're doing. And you are distracted.
It took zero pressure for the tip of the Endura to go straight through jeans and the pocket beneath and then an inch into my leg.
It was over a minute before I felt any pain or was immobilized at all.
After maybe a minute, I've been pretty well impaired for days, just from one "small" stab.
So I repeat: DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!
Take Care!"
What I didn't know then was that I had 2 months of crutches and physical therapy to look forward to. Thank God it's all over and I just have a wicked scar, a bit of unresponsive muscle, some scar tissue, and some soreness now. I still have bad dreams where my right leg won't work, it can really suck. I still EDC that knife, and have no fears using it whatsoever. Except... I still get a sick feeling and a weird flinch any time I think of that feeling of the metal thing sliding right into my leg. The thought still makes me literally flinch, even get a little light headed. And I never, ever put the knife in a reverse grip.
Knives are like guns- you can NEVER "let your guard down" with safety. You can dry fire a gun, but if you are going "do the same" with a knife, use something blunt or at least don't let yourself be totally distracted by a dog barking. That ingrained habit to turn and look out the front window for a visitor when the dog barks did NOT serve me well either...
Also, the 1.5 by 1.5+" cut right into the very middle of my right quad had a pretty interesting effect on me. I missed my femoral artery by an inch, I'm blessed to be alive. For you guys who carry a knife for defense, especially those into all of Michael Janich's stuff on stopping attackers using an EDC folder against muscle targets....
First off, with very little force behind it, the tip went right through my jeans straight to the bone. So yes, knives can penetrate without superman-punch strength. This was gentle, but went in quick.
I was not under any stress or adrenaline at the moment it happened, but even then I didn't feel ANY debilitating pain for a good minute, and I was able to walk for another 30 plus seconds after it happened. A squirt of blood followed the blade out as I pulled it from my leg. Then it was just pouring like I'd never seen before.
Once I got down the stairs, limping pretty bad, the pain suddenly started, and my entire thigh muscle just shut down. I was absolutely stopped and crippled. Worst pain I have ever felt.
I was out of it for another 2 months, which totally sucked. That was a learning experience. To be in constant pain, not able to walk, and totally defensively useless is very, very depressing. Just such a downer to have an injury like that that takes so long to get better.
Treat people with injuries like that with sympathy, trust me, it is very very depressing to feel so much "less" than I wanted to. No one really thinks about the emotional effects of a physical injury- but they are the worst part.
The healing process was very difficult, lots and lots of physical therapy and tries and failures. My first tries walking with the physical therapist, that first run I tried and the muscle tore again, setting down that stack of chairs when I thought I was fine and had been walking for weeks and tearing it apart again... Just slow and painful. And I'm an 18 year old in good physical shape.
So please, always be very careful with knives and don't let your guard down when you have the new knife happies!
It's so great to be all better! Hope you guys learned something.
Noah
