AZTOY
Member
Maybe you need to move to a new town!
Maybe your wife is getting brainwashed from " HER " friends.
My wife has "no opinion" on gun control.
- Thread starter Nightwing
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Maybe you need to move to a new town!
Maybe your wife is getting brainwashed from " HER " friends.
It's not liberal if she believes in more controls in place on citizens. That's called restrictive. However, ignoring that...
I suspect that if she is gradually being turned against your beliefs, you need to sit down with her and explain this. This isn't becoming hostile to guns, it's becoming hostile to YOU.
The goal is to get her to SYMPATHIZE with you. Remember, you cannot force her to believe anything! YOU have to be her best friend. If she is in a place where she has to choose between one FRIEND and another friend, she will not easily take either stance. It is absolutely critical you remember this is not you AGAINST her or against her friends. You have views that you can support. You love her and would enjoy sharing this with her, but you're not going to force it on her; the offer is open. However, when she says stuff that offends you, or that is factually incorrect, you are hurt by it, and especially hurt because it came from her. That's it! Don't attack her friends. Certainly don't use terms like 'blissninny'. That is you attacking her friends, and she will want to defend them. You are allowed to defend yourself with facts, that's it, and don't push it. You say enough to explain your point and drop it, if that. Sometimes silence will tell her more than saying anything because she will recognize you have a good answer, but are with-holding it to avoid conflict, which she will appreciate.
Always the goal is to make sure you are not 'attacking' anyone else, to share your feelings that you feel like you are being attacked. You want her to WANT to believe you. If you get that, getting her to understand is trivial. If she wants to believe you're ignorant, combative or just wrong, there is no logical argument you can make to win her over.
I suspect that if she is gradually being turned against your beliefs, you need to sit down with her and explain this. This isn't becoming hostile to guns, it's becoming hostile to YOU.
The goal is to get her to SYMPATHIZE with you. Remember, you cannot force her to believe anything! YOU have to be her best friend. If she is in a place where she has to choose between one FRIEND and another friend, she will not easily take either stance. It is absolutely critical you remember this is not you AGAINST her or against her friends. You have views that you can support. You love her and would enjoy sharing this with her, but you're not going to force it on her; the offer is open. However, when she says stuff that offends you, or that is factually incorrect, you are hurt by it, and especially hurt because it came from her. That's it! Don't attack her friends. Certainly don't use terms like 'blissninny'. That is you attacking her friends, and she will want to defend them. You are allowed to defend yourself with facts, that's it, and don't push it. You say enough to explain your point and drop it, if that. Sometimes silence will tell her more than saying anything because she will recognize you have a good answer, but are with-holding it to avoid conflict, which she will appreciate.
Always the goal is to make sure you are not 'attacking' anyone else, to share your feelings that you feel like you are being attacked. You want her to WANT to believe you. If you get that, getting her to understand is trivial. If she wants to believe you're ignorant, combative or just wrong, there is no logical argument you can make to win her over.
camonympho
Member
I haven't read all the responses so I hope I'm not just repeating.. but try showing her crime statistics for Australia since the "great gun ban".. those statistics say so much! And you need to seriously let her know that when it comes to your guns they wont go. Also start letting her know that the 4 yr old son will be raised around guns. I know this will be an issue. I've dealt with guys that were anti gun in my life, and I tell them all the same thing.. I've had the gun longer than you ..do you really want me to play favorites?
fearless leader
Member
Explain to her, as best you can, that following the government mindlessly is how Hitler came to power, and caused gun control in the first place.
W.E.G.
Member
Everybody is trying to psychoanalyze this woman who we have never met, and whose existence is not proven. The OP only joined the board this week, and already has at least one locked thread.
Please.
Please.
stevereno1
Member
It's a good thing that "nice" girls like "bad boys" isn't it? treat her right, and she'll come around.
Nightwing
Member
^ agreed. I definitely am getting less and less tolerant of arguing with her. I just want to have a conversation. She isn't capable of that most of the time so I usually just end the impending argument and wait again until a time when she's more likely to listen to me, as I listen to her.
Dustinthewind
Member
Nightwing
Make sure that you take time out from arguing to enjoy your son. Take it from me, they grow up way too fast. My buddy was in a situation very similar to yours, his wife was totally anti gun. At the time he was a salesman and was away from home frequently and they had three little ones which she stayed home to raise. He posed the question to her as to what she would do if a B G broke in and tried to harm their kids and he explained to her that it was her responsibility to protect the children while he was away. She is not pro gun, but neither is she totally anti. Anyhow I have my friend back now and we take our sons shooting and hunting when our schedules allow.
Good luck
Make sure that you take time out from arguing to enjoy your son. Take it from me, they grow up way too fast. My buddy was in a situation very similar to yours, his wife was totally anti gun. At the time he was a salesman and was away from home frequently and they had three little ones which she stayed home to raise. He posed the question to her as to what she would do if a B G broke in and tried to harm their kids and he explained to her that it was her responsibility to protect the children while he was away. She is not pro gun, but neither is she totally anti. Anyhow I have my friend back now and we take our sons shooting and hunting when our schedules allow.
Good luck
Patrick123
Member
A slightly differnt take
I would point out that there are probably no material objects in your house worth getting killed over if someone wanted to take them, after all they can be replaced.
What can not be replaced is life itself. What if someone decided to take your son. Can she stop a couple of large men by herself who decided to do this or would she need an added edge to tip the balance in her favor.
Vegetables : Is what dinner eats
I would point out that there are probably no material objects in your house worth getting killed over if someone wanted to take them, after all they can be replaced.
What can not be replaced is life itself. What if someone decided to take your son. Can she stop a couple of large men by herself who decided to do this or would she need an added edge to tip the balance in her favor.
Vegetables : Is what dinner eats
jakemccoy
Member
oops...wrong thread...married guys...lol
As a married man for some years, there is exactly one way to stop arguing - lose! Think about for a second, what makes an argument different from a discussion? Both people want to "win" an argument. That's the difference. As soon as one person stops wanting to win the argument is over. When you find yourself in an argument find some element of truth in what she is saying, and agree with her in that truth.
If you work on your listening to her, really listening - not setting up debate points in your head - I can guarantee that she will start to listen to you. So if you want her to listen to you, work your butt off at listening to her.
Why does she feel that self defense is murder? Does she base this on her reading of Jesus's "turn the other cheek"? Does she base it on some more general ethical issue?
The point at this stage is not to try and show that there are errors in her thinking or to judge her thinking but to understand her thinking. Half the gun nuts on THR will tell you that pacifism and rejection of self-defense are not rational - mostly they're just intellectually lazy. But it wouldn't matter if they were right - you're not married to them.
Your job is to try to understand her. It's not your job to make her understand you.
One of my favorite pieces of advice when dealing with my anti wife comes from a prayer that's not even from my religion, "that I may seek to understand to rather than to be understood."
If you are truly seeking to understand her, you won't be able to have an argument. You won't have to worry about becoming less tolerant of arguing with her, because you wont be having any.
And maybe you'll find a way of thinking about/analyzing self defense and ethical issues you never knew existed. You may not agree, but maybe you will learn something new!
As long as your focus is trying to make sure she understands you, you won't make any progress.
Mike
saspic
Member
Another vegetarian NRA member here. I'm with Dust In the Wind; you have to frame your position in terms of family security.
The wife seems unwilling or unable to discern between killing and murder. The argument might go something like this:
if a bad actor ever tried to kill your child, SHE is responsible for saving the child's life. If she does not do everything possible to stop the BG, including killing him, then she is, in effect culpable of murdering your child.
If she has the capacity to save her life by killing the BG, but doesn't, she is guilty of her own murder, possibly depriving you and your kid of a wife and mother.
If she could save YOUR life by killing a bad guy, but lets him go, she is responsible for your murder.
It is a sad fact that criminals sometimes force us into these situations where we must take one life in order to save others. In this case, any response, action or non-action will result in death. Nature dictates that we preserve our own lives and those of our families.
She has "evolved" to the point that she has lost her very instinct for self preservation. Sad that a small mouse would have the sense to fight for its life against a threat, even a giant human, but this woman is "past that".
Of course you'll want to use euphemisms as you will be punished for opening her eyes to the real world. I'm not invested enough to think of nicer ways to say these things.
Avoid the Joe Horn argument. That is a red herring. You don't HAVE to get involved in a criminal attack against someone else. That is asking way too much from her, but expecting her to defend your family is not.
ANOTHER TACK could be asking her help to educate your son about the history of the US, the ideals of the founding fathers, the principles of freedom. Hopefully she will learn to at least respect the RKBA, even if she personally would not exercise this right. Whew! Sorry for the long post!
The wife seems unwilling or unable to discern between killing and murder. The argument might go something like this:
if a bad actor ever tried to kill your child, SHE is responsible for saving the child's life. If she does not do everything possible to stop the BG, including killing him, then she is, in effect culpable of murdering your child.
If she has the capacity to save her life by killing the BG, but doesn't, she is guilty of her own murder, possibly depriving you and your kid of a wife and mother.
If she could save YOUR life by killing a bad guy, but lets him go, she is responsible for your murder.
It is a sad fact that criminals sometimes force us into these situations where we must take one life in order to save others. In this case, any response, action or non-action will result in death. Nature dictates that we preserve our own lives and those of our families.
She has "evolved" to the point that she has lost her very instinct for self preservation. Sad that a small mouse would have the sense to fight for its life against a threat, even a giant human, but this woman is "past that".
Of course you'll want to use euphemisms as you will be punished for opening her eyes to the real world. I'm not invested enough to think of nicer ways to say these things.
Avoid the Joe Horn argument. That is a red herring. You don't HAVE to get involved in a criminal attack against someone else. That is asking way too much from her, but expecting her to defend your family is not.
ANOTHER TACK could be asking her help to educate your son about the history of the US, the ideals of the founding fathers, the principles of freedom. Hopefully she will learn to at least respect the RKBA, even if she personally would not exercise this right. Whew! Sorry for the long post!
saspic
Member
Serendipity!
When I got home, I found this profile in the Volume 3 May/June issue of Concealed Carry Magazine of Gabriela Cox, a pregnant woman who has made the decision to carry a concealed weapon for her and her baby's safety. A lot refers to expectant parents and parents of newborns, but it's good stuff. Some excerpts:
http://www.usconcealedcarry.com/pub...show=yes&dept=50&sort=date&ddesc=CCM Profiles
When I got home, I found this profile in the Volume 3 May/June issue of Concealed Carry Magazine of Gabriela Cox, a pregnant woman who has made the decision to carry a concealed weapon for her and her baby's safety. A lot refers to expectant parents and parents of newborns, but it's good stuff. Some excerpts:
You can't read the whole thing unless you are a (paid) member, but here's a link just in case.
http://www.usconcealedcarry.com/pub...show=yes&dept=50&sort=date&ddesc=CCM Profiles
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