Those who have recommended blunting the edge of the rammer are correct. I had the problem with both Uberti and Pietta revolvers. DO NOT flatten the end of the rammer. Just remove the rammer from the gun, rub the end on some sandpaper held flat on your workbench until the edge is less knife-like, then polish with steel wool and finish with a dab of cold blue. Using pure lead balls reduces the amount of force required to seat the ball in the chamber, so the rammer is less likely to dig into the ball itself. Grossly oversized balls and/or wheelweight balls which are harder to seat will contribute to the problem if the rammer edge is too sharp. Your .451 mold might actually be causing this problem; I never cast anything smaller than .454 for mine. In fact, I use the same .457 ball that I use in my Ruger Old Armies in my 1860 open tops...they seat just fine as long as I stay with pure lead. You might cure your problem by casting a .454 ball; it would grab the chamber sides more firmly, harder to drag back out. I don't think the method of lubing is a factor. I use over the ball myself.
Edit: After blunting the edge of the rammer, but before buying a new mold, buy some .454 and /or .457 pure lead balls and see how they work. You should be able to tell which one your gun likes. You can always dump the ones you don't like into your casting pot.