Self-Defense Techniques, which one?

[PaladinX13]

Clearly you haven't seen enough MMA bouts. MMA has evolved to the point where you never see the 30 minute groundfighting chess matches of yore. Check out this Fedor Emelianenko highlight vid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq2NPP2YUPA

MMA has evolved more into sport than ever before. Aside from rules that remove perfectly valid self-defense techniques (I'm not going to tell a woman not to use groin or throat strikes, biting, small joint manipulation, rabbit punches, etc. against an attacker), the "action" is getting pushed more and more for our entertainment and excitement rather than fighter self-defense or efficacy.

There are tangible round limits, resting periods, and the ref will stand people up to push the action. In the latest UFC, the ref actually threatened to take away a point for the next fighter to retreat. MMA has become less about fighting smart/defensively and more about spectacle. This is good for the sport- no question, it brings in viewers and money- but is it good self-defense?

Part of being an athlete is to be able to recover your balance naturally and quickly.

One of my serious problems with MMA is the emphasis on athleticism. No question one should- if only for the sake of a happy and long life- be conditioned, however the efficacy of MMA drops off dramatically when introducing differences in age, weight, and sex.

 

[Glock Glockler]

Dan,

My thinking is that I'm going to have a maximum of 5 seconds to neutralize the opponent or get to his back or side before his buddy is going to knife me in the back, maybe I'm wrong on that but if I'm right then even what Fedor does will be inadequate. I'm probably not going to be in a big open ring where I can move back several feet or in a big circle, confined spaces are the rule rather than the exception in street fights. The good thing is that I didn't pass out from boredom when watching that clip like I did so many other FUCI events.

I think we're miscommunicating on the mentality thing, my point is that one must be able, mentally and physically, to adjust and improvise far more in street situations. If I get punched or thrown in training it takes a toll but it's no where near as disconcerting as if I am in a bar and talking to someone and out of no where someone grabs me and tries to punch me (case of mistaken identity). Suppose he managed to throw the punch and I had to deal with that, how would I hit him while being grabbed and pulled into him? It's a very odd position to be in and IMO worth being looked at in great detail, fortunately I threw him to the side before he was able to get his fist up past his shoulder. It really wasn't a "fight" per se but I was rather shocked that I reacted in a good manner and I have to wonder about the typical MMA squaring off bit, if someone is only practicing that are they going to be able to get out of the very odd situation I was in? Maybe I got lucky, but maybe the fact that in my club we emphasize those odd things that are very uncool might have had something to do with it. I'm all for being able to react when you're in a weird and unorthodox position but every UFC thing I watch I see opportunities to put a guy away fast if they did exactly that, usually what happens is that the first thing they do is try to regain position and then align themselves to hit the guy powerfully but by that point the other guys has changed position as well, so then it's back to the square offs, etc.

It's completely possible that someone trains in MMA fashion and they're able to give the BG a solid punch to the gut and it's over and they defended themselves in fine style, and more power to them if they succeed, I just think that there are a helluva a lot of holes in the MMA approach and prefer something which addresses those issues/concerns. As far as Krav goes, most of the schools out there I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole for reasons stated. If one can find someone who teaches real Krav they'll be in good hands, but good luck on that. The person that showed me the little Krav I know had learned it from an Israeli who was NOT a member of the IDF, the stuff they show to regular soldiers is very different from what their spooks learn. Soldiers really have very little use for H2H stuff and if I was running an Army I'd spend very little time on it, spooks OTOH have a whole lot of need for it. They DO get training on all the small and boring stuff that keeps you alive as well as the physical stuff: recognizing the subtle differences in how someone walks if they're packing vs. not carrying, recognizing if someone is sizing up a situation to then decide of they're going to go into the cafe and do a suicide bomb, how to use common items very effectively as improvised weapons, etc.

On that note, I wholeheartedly recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker, he does a magnificent job explaining a lot of those mental things which can help keep you alive and recognize bad situations before they get deadly. He also endorses gun control, on that issue he has his head screwed on poorly and actually does the exact thing regarding that issue that he talks about other people doing with violent situations.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780440508830&itm=1

 

[Soap]

PaladinX13-

I would say that why read Strategies and Tactics, go to gun school, go to the range, apply for a CCW, find the right holster and pistol, etc. for a fight that will most likely NEVER happen? I work full time and I'm an MBA student yet I still find about 8-12 hours per week to train. What you're suggesting is the same thing as saying why not be one of those fat guys at the gunshow who thinks that a gun is a magic talisman that will ward off all BGs. To defend yourself successfully with your hands, you need to have a level of physical fitness, spacial awareness, a few good techniques, coordination to develop power and land them, etc. etc. All of which only come with putting in time. Its not that much different from shooting in that aspect.

EDITED TO ADD: Regardless, I'm still a firm believer that a few months spent at an MMA gym will be more valuable than years spend practicing traditional MAs.

 

[Soap]

Glockler-

I'm probably not going to be in a big open ring where I can move back several feet or in a big circle, confined spaces are the rule rather than the exception in street fights.

That's true, but there is a corner in the ring, and anyone who has trained in MMA for a few months has been put in it while someone is trying to pound or submit them. Which is a lot more than I can say for most MAs.

If I get punched or thrown in training it takes a toll but it's no where near as disconcerting as if I am in a bar and talking to someone and out of no where someone grabs me and tries to punch me (case of mistaken identity). Suppose he managed to throw the punch and I had to deal with that, how would I hit him while being grabbed and pulled into him? It's a very odd position to be in and IMO worth being looked at in great detail, fortunately I threw him to the side before he was able to get his fist up past his shoulder. It really wasn't a "fight" per se but I was rather shocked that I reacted in a good manner and I have to wonder about the typical MMA squaring off bit, if someone is only practicing that are they going to be able to get out of the very odd situation I was in?

You told me that story one time and I still can't believe that someone mistook you for another guy...was this guy like 7'2" or something!? In that case I don't know the dynamics of the grab/pull he did on you but I would either toss him with a Judo throw, takedown, or hammer him with a strike on his undefended side (the side he is using to grab you). All of these responses are common when someone is tugging you in MMA.

Maybe I got lucky, but maybe the fact that in my club we emphasize those odd things that are very uncool might have had something to do with it. I'm all for being able to react when you're in a weird and unorthodox position but every UFC thing I watch I see opportunities to put a guy away fast if they did exactly that, usually what happens is that the first thing they do is try to regain position and then align themselves to hit the guy powerfully but by that point the other guys has changed position as well, so then it's back to the square offs, etc.

I think it is great that you train in odd body positions. In MMA, your opponent is trying to force you into these positions, so that is how it is trained. But I have to wonder about trying to hit someone from a weird position and still delivering damaging power. If it is so easy to pull off, why hasn't anyone in UFC or Pride caught on? And I don't see the problem with squaring off to your opponent, that is your ideal defensive and offensive posture. Of course, you don't want to give him time to square up with you though.

On that note, I wholeheartedly recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker...

This is an excellent book.

 

[PaladinX13]

I would say that why read Strategies and Tactics, go to gun school, go to the range, apply for a CCW, find the right holster and pistol, etc. for a fight that will most likely NEVER happen?

Good question. One that I think you forgot to consider before you started dishing-out advice. Saying you want to be as effective as possible in a street fight is a rationalization, but not one consistent with your lifestyle, otherwise you'd wear body armor 24/7, drive in an armored car, and test your water before every sip. The vast majority of us do not need a "machine shop" but would be more than well equipped with a "tool box". The "best" isn't the best for everyone when considering the big picture involving costs and lifestyles.

I work full time and I'm an MBA student yet I still find about 8-12 hours per week to train.

"One size fits all." Some people are lucky if they can spare 2 hours of range time a week and still keep their priorities straight. I think it's pretty narrow-minded to assume everyone's priorities are the same, much less there's only one way to go about it.

IMO, for self-defense, I'd argue 8-12 hours for a skill that's highly specialized, degrades with age, carries poorly over when compromised by injury, illness, or inebriation (because, if we're honest, the only time a buff MMAer is going to get unavoidably jumped is if they look or/are weak) is not efficient. Tools are more effective and more versatile whether you're 18 or 81 than a flying arm-bar. If you're really in that much fear for your life that TEN PERCENT of your waking life is spent training in MMA, you would be MUCH better off taking weapon-related courses at least or changing your entire lifestyle or threat-profile at most.

If, on the other hand, MMA is recreation, then that time is justified... but from a purely defensive standpoint, it's inefficient use of your time.

What you're suggesting is the same thing as saying why not be one of those fat guys at the gunshow who thinks that a gun is a magic talisman that will ward off all BGs.

Not at all. Practical training is good. But time/costs should be considered otherwise you're losing sight of the big picture.

To defend yourself successfully with your hands, you need to have a level of physical fitness, spacial awareness, a few good techniques, coordination to develop power and land them, etc. etc. All of which only come with putting in time. Its not that much different from shooting in that aspect.

This is almost the truth. This is like the anti-gun lie that only the trained (and those licensed to prove they've been trained) should be armed. The truth is that training helps a successful outcome become more and more likely and one needs to weigh how much investment is worth how much improvement.

A man with a toolbox is miles ahead of a person without nary a hammer or screwdriver. A man with a machine shop is, certainly, a head of the man with the toolbox... but at what cost when 95% of the around-the-house chores can be tackled with just the toolbox?

 

[Glock Glockler]

Dan,

I don't know what was going through the head of the guy who grabbed me, his friends took him away when they saw he'd gotten out of hand, one of them later told me that he thought I was the one who molested his gf while on the dancefloor. He grabbed the left shoulder of my shirt with his left hand while starting to bring his right hand up. If I was facing 12 o'clock he was standing at about 8. All I did was lift my forearm to the outside of his eblow which jacked his body up on his toes and arched his spine, gravity did the rest.

As far as odd power generation and why no one does it in the UFC, my guess is that people are stuck in the same paradigm and won't think outside of it. Just take hitting a punching bag for instance, it's probably THE most common boxing/fighting method of training out there but IMO it's also one of the least beneficial. Just look at the difference between training on a bag and training with a partner who has focus mitts: the bag is just going to stay there and not really do anything, but someone with mitts can raise them vertically, horizontally, foward/backward, and also change the angle. For extra spice they can even take a swing at you with the mitt and you need to deal with that as well. There is just sooooo much more possibility with mitts and will therefore demand much more of the person. It also helps get out of the 'only punching' mentality that many people develop, many strikes are extremely difficult if not impossible with punches when the mitt is at a certain angle/position but perfect for other kinds of strikes using other parts of the body.

Also, using a pilates ball is magnificent for developing coordinated strength/power: you need to adjust with the shifting center as well as use weird muscles in different ways. If you can get to the point where you can kneel on one well try tossing tennis balls back and forth to your partner, to really kick it up a notch use a medicine ball, I've even hit focus mitts while on the ball (or attempted to more accurately). Be prepared for a lot of falling down initially, but this is good because we can practice relaxing during our breakfalls.

PaladinX13,

Does there necessarity have to be a conflict between efficient training and weapons work? Keep in mind, I enjoy the hell out of training and Mr. Flory probably does as well, and while I agree that if the particular brand of combatives used is only effective if one is in top shape than it's inefficient by nature, it is still possible to enhance one's ability both with and wothout weapons through training. If everything else were equal the guy with the better reflexes/coordination/skill is going to win. I'm all about weapons but one is probably going to need to be able to access them with an aggressor right in front of you. If one is not able to do that very well the carrying of the weapon could become a crutch that is now hinderance: if 2 people are standing toe to toe and one reaches for his IWB CCW he's essentially gone backwards and the threat is in front of him. If the other guy simply chooses to go forward the gun carrier is now in a bad situation.

From what I understand Mr. Flory actually has a few guns and carries them, I think what he is saying is that simply having and carrying one is no replacement for skill and ability.

 

[PaladinX13]

Does there necessarity have to be a conflict between efficient training and weapons work?

In the absolute sense, yes, because we're finite beings who can only devote so much time and energy on so many things. It's not at all "either/or", I'm not saying that, I'm saying from a purely defensive standpoint, the returns you get on H2H training vs. time diminish much more than with other training. With H2H, there's a much bigger "Any Given Sunday" factor... the same amount of time spent making yourself marginally more effective against a specific H2H technique could make life-n-death difference improving a gun skill.

Let's not forget, the last part of MMA stands for ART. You can literally spend hours upon hours mastering the nuances of one move, one position, for one specific situation against an opponent of predetermined strength and ability. Perfecting the "art", as it were. Using that same time to train how to get to and/or retain your gun under any circumstance would, generally, produce better returns, IMO.

Keep in mind, I enjoy the hell out of training and Mr. Flory probably does as well,

I do keep this in mind, that's just my point. The OP, and many of us, probably don't enjoy or even necessarily prioritize training [to the same extent]. If there is a joy or recreational [or professional] aspect to it, then spending 1 out of every 10 of your conscious hours on it is sensible... but if that approach is purely to preserve your life, I think one is doing themselves a disservice. I only point this out because there's a tendency to confuse specific efficacy with general efficacy.

A sniper is a better shot than I, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean I should go to sniper school to hunt deer. A machine shop is better equipped than I, but it doesn't mean I need to mortgage the house to afford one when a toolbox and some power tools will do. MMA may or may not be the "best" style for a street-fight, but that doesn't mean I should put 12 hours a week into it if self-defense is my goal.

From what I understand Mr. Flory actually has a few guns and carries them, I think what he is saying is that simply having and carrying one is no replacement for skill and ability.

I would disagree. Carrying them is no guarantee, but it certainly is a replacement for skill and ability. That's the veritable point of a gun as an equalizer. The 82 year old Miss America was able to hold a thief at bay from her walker with a gun precisely for that reason... the younger man was certainly more able than her, but not armed.

My question then becomes, if I really want to emphasize defense, do I want to focus my training on something I can use even at 82 from a walker... or something that's a young man's game and considers me "over the hill" before I'm even 40?! If I enjoy the art of MMA and find recreation or profit in H2H, that's a whole separate story, but purely to preserve my life, the unfocused MMA curriculum is not an efficient path.

To be clear:

MMA is- LITERALLY- a hodge podge of techniques and schools... not necessarily the distillation of the best either. More than anything else it's the unshackling of an athlete's potential allowing them to find what works best for them instead of being constrained to a school or technique. Whether sport or not, that means it's a personal pursuit and passion to find that individual martial art amalgamation.

This is NOT what someone just looking for the basic of self-defense is looking for! They SHOULD be given structured, proven, bare-bones techniques distilled from experience and the paths of others. In this case it would be equipping a person with what they otherwise not have, not unlocking what they did (as in the self-discovery process of MMA). The emphasis is totally different and another reason not to go to MMA for defensive purposes.

 

[Soap]

Glockler -

We seriously need to train together one of these days! What is ironic is that this year, I have developed so much more head-to-toe striking dynamic from hitting the heavy bag. Now when I do mitt training, I feel that I'm hitting much harder from really thinking my way through my strikes on the heavy bag. Plus, I've read a good book that I can e-mail you the .pdf of which helped me understand kinesthetic power.

I also was thinking of this tonight when I was hitting the heavy bag That if a student has trouble facing someone head on and with room to move, what makes you think that they can perform better while standing on bar sludge in the middle of a crowd?

 

[Soap]

Paladin-

Good question. One that I think you forgot to consider before you started dishing-out advice. Saying you want to be as effective as possible in a street fight is a rationalization, but not one consistent with your lifestyle, otherwise you'd wear body armor 24/7, drive in an armored car, and test your water before every sip. The vast majority of us do not need a "machine shop" but would be more than well equipped with a "tool box". The "best" isn't the best for everyone when considering the big picture involving costs and lifestyles.

I agree. But I still think that with a minimum of time, MMA will provide the most benefits. And honestly, most people that are paranoid about gun fights should be more paranoid about heart disease or their IRA.

Let's not forget, the last part of MMA stands for ART. You can literally spend hours upon hours mastering the nuances of one move, one position, for one specific situation against an opponent of predetermined strength and ability. Perfecting the "art", as it were. Using that same time to train how to get to and/or retain your gun under any circumstance would, generally, produce better returns, IMO.

Also agreed, but I can't carry Mr. 1911 everywhere...

A sniper is a better shot than I, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean I should go to sniper school to hunt deer. A machine shop is better equipped than I, but it doesn't mean I need to mortgage the house to afford one when a toolbox and some power tools will do. MMA may or may not be the "best" style for a street-fight, but that doesn't mean I should put 12 hours a week into it if self-defense is my goal.

And yeah, I do enjoy the hell out of training Let me ask you this, if a guy comes into the General Handgun forum and says, "The other day I realized the police can't save my life. I've never shot a gun. What should I buy? I don't really plan on shooting it often, just plan on keeping it around 'just in case'." We would all probably suggest that they do buy the gun and immediately seek competent instruction. Having a gun (or a hand-to-hand seminar under your belt) will not help you unless you have tried using it. Whether it be range time or punching your buddies in the face.

My question then becomes, if I really want to emphasize defense, do I want to focus my training on something I can use even at 82 from a walker... or something that's a young man's game and considers me "over the hill" before I'm even 40?! If I enjoy the art of MMA and find recreation or profit in H2H, that's a whole separate story, but purely to preserve my life, the unfocused MMA curriculum is not an efficient path.

I also agree with this but I'm sure that Helio Gracie could still kick my ass.

They SHOULD be given structured, proven, bare-bones techniques distilled from experience and the paths of others. In this case it would be equipping a person with what they otherwise not have, not unlocking what they did (as in the self-discovery process of MMA).

And this place is...where?

 

[Soap]

And who said MMA doesn't teach street strategy?

A tongue in cheek video from Bas Rutten:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8mBe0_Ha78

I don't like all of his techniques but I like where his mind is at.

 

[Sharps-shooter]

I've been in a number of street fights and was a bareknuckler boxer/MMA competitor for a brief time. I'm no big expert, but here are some techniques i have trained in, practiced and found useful:

1. Verbal De-escalation.

2. RUNNING AWAY. Not too cool sounding, but I can't overemphasize its importance in certain real-world situations. Call it "Tactical withdrawal" if it makes you feel better.

3. Punching (or extending your field with whatever object is handy)

4. Breaking holds

5. Disarming your opponent

These are in approximate order of how bad your situation is if you're using or attempting to use them. I have learned each of these as seperate skills, but they all work together well.

 

[innerpiece]

without getting into such a debate...

the more a variety you can educate youreself, the better.

If you happen to be in MN, PM me and Ill offer you some free lessons to help you see if youre comfy in the art I practice.

Now if yer not in MN, do searches however you will. I would suggest Chin Na, and LongFist styles of ShaoLin KungFu.

If you can find a program that will combine the two, you will have an extremely complete, and effective defence system.

glock owners will say get a glock, TKD will say learn TKD, etc etc.
if you have studied an art, and actually used it, with good effect.. it is an effective art.
I have had to use my exp, It has been effective EVERY time, and MORE efective, OUT of competition.

one thing for certain, ANY exp, is better than none, so learn something, whatever it may be!

peace, ip.

 

[Richmond]

food for thought

Disclaimer: I don’t have a dog in this fight. The following suggested dog is not my dog, in fact is radically different from my dog, but may be a good dog, or a dog that provokes thought.

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/index.html

As previously mentioned, I started in boxing as a youth, then began training in modern and classical Japanese arts, which I have been at for over 30 years, still drifting in and out of boxing since this was my first love, although now in my 50s I am starting to think vigorous head shots may not be a good idea. Note that it took me 35 years to figure that one out!

I am also in the “love to train” group and do martial arts/physical training every day. My average day may involve 2 to 3 hours of teaching and training. One of the mottos in Japanese arts is “The Way is in Daily Training”and I have practiced this for most of the 35 years unless ill or injured.

Obviously, this is not practical for “self defense” and is not why I do it, although not as obviously, teaching and practicing classical Japanese sword and martial concepts, and juxtaposing them with the practice of modern weapons, is pretty interesting. The reason I do it is because at some level, it is what is important to me. Pretty much, I practice criminal law; teach criminal law; occasionally lecture in a an academic setting about violence prediction; mental aspects of defensive living, etc; practice martial arts including some pretty intense conditioning training; teach martial arts. I don’t have family except for my critters, I don’t watch TV except for movies in the winter, I rarely do what most people consider social time.

I don’t really suggest this for anyone else.

What I do suggest for the average CCW holder who wants to be able to have a comprehensive set of tools is a very reality based, compact and sustainable program to handle the up close and physical aspect of interpersonal violence.

They SHOULD be given structured, proven, bare-bones techniques distilled from experience and the paths of others. In this case it would be equipping a person with what they otherwise not have, not unlocking what they did (as in the self-discovery process of MMA).

And this place is...where?

Hence the above link. I have not trained with Mr. MacYoung. I have spoken with him, corresponded a couple of times and read a fair amount of his books and the like. Some people think he is great – some people think he is over the top. He really is not very PC. Some people I have trained with, who are top notch and whose opinion I respect, have trained with him and think highly of him. I think his focus is really what the average CCW holder, who does not want to train for competitive fighting, train in the classical arts or waste a lot of time in a commercial Kah Rah Tee McDojo, is looking for.

 

[george29]

Wow, this thread rocks (so I'm 44, I can still say "Rocks").

In my Krav Maga class, taught at a certain Police Academy long ago, I got my butt literally kicked by another recruit that was a Jr. Level Boxer.

I like some of the techniques Krav maga teaches, like putting a guy on his face using next to no force, and since I am not the type to spend hours in a Dojo learning traditional methods that take too long, Krav Maga properly taught can be a useful thing to know, but it needs to be constantly practiced FTF (as has been mentioned) and if you are truly serious about unarmed combat, get some good boxing training too (as has been mentioned).

Last, in my 44 years, 13 of them in uniform, I was in 3 situations where lethal force couldn't be used but I did need to use physical force, and that's where eye gouging, ear biting and head butting become very useful but without massive amounts of adreneline surging through your body, I don't think you should use these techniques for training. I was literally kicked in the groin numerous times and didn't feel a thing and even much later, all I felt was my whole body numb and throbbing at once, and one guy that needed taking down was a High School Weight Lifting Coach who went down after I finally bent my Maglight off his drunk Skull with the sixth hit (my cuffs didn't close around his huge wrists).

D'ya think I could remember my Krav Maga moves or was I just fighting for my life (my partner was already unconscious).

 

[Glock Glockler]

Paladin,

Suppose I have a nice smooth punch with plenty of power, how is my movement different if I have a knife in my hand for a nice smooth thrust? What if I want to get my footwork to the point where I can move effortlessly, change direction and speed on a dime, how much difference does that make if I am holding a pistol or emptyhanded? What if I get really good at reading people's bodies so I can tell what they're setting themselves up to do, will that be beneficial only if I have a weapon or only if I am unarmed?

Developing skill and coordination is still needed even if you have a weapon. If I have a gun I still need to be able to draw it and then get it into action very quickly. At the end of the day movement is movement, and if I am training to become more skilled and fluid that is going to help my work with empty hands as well as with as with weapons. Granted, one can work in a manner empty handed that conflicts with weapons work because one cannot grab a weapon and someone else at the same time which is one reason I don't believe in grabing or grappeling in my empty hands work.

It is completely possible to train in a manner that enhanses both empty handed and weapons work.

 

[PaladinX13]

From #57:

In the absolute sense, yes, because we're finite beings who can only devote so much time and energy on so many things. It's not at all "either/or", I'm not saying that

 

[innerpiece]

Glock Glocker.

I agree, that a martial art will help coordination in all aspects of defence.

ofcourse tho, there is atleast one major difference to a punch and stab form.. the wrist.. but thats emphasis on a point i dont think yer trying to make.

and Id have to agree with you.

learning to move the body in a coordinated manner, will do no nothing other than improve all aspects of yer own ability to defend youre self..

ip.

 

[meef]

Dung Fu....

Personally, over the years I find that I have been quite well served by my dedication to, and long and arduous training in, Dung Fu.

Ah yes... back in the early days when I was but a wee grasshopper - or dung beetle as my Master liked to refer to me - I started out in the most basic style of Horse Puckey.

Yep, I carried a sack of them things everywhere in my CCW (concealed crap whew!) holster. I forget the maker, but he really knew his.... uh, stuff.

Let me tell you, when a mugger or other street ruffian made the unwise decision to accost me it was comical and righteous the way I turned the tables on him. There's nothing like suddenly being repeatedly pelted with a withering hail of accurate and deadly horse droppings to make you realize you picked on the wrong person!

At any rate, over the years as my skill increased I naturally progressed in the other branches of Dung Fu which included (naysayers here notwithstanding) MMA (Mucho Muckey A**apples), a highly regarded art which combined many different animal-derived styles such as: Bull****; Cow Patties, Chicken**** (one of my personal favorites); Deer Scat; Rabbit Pellets; Bat Guano and many lesser-known varieties such as the arcane but deadly Komodo Dragon Droppings and Praying Mantis Poo (very rare and difficult to master).

There's something about the aura of an individual who walks the streets with all of this skill and knowledge concealed on or about his (or her) person. Something intangible that just, well... radiates.

I found that no mugger or street thug would even come near me!

Then again, for some reason.. neither would anybody else. My friends, family and even wife included. Go figure?

Ah, Grasshopper (or dung beetle as my Master liked to refer to me), it's a lonely path the practitioner of Dung Fu walks (and you constantly have to be careful not to step in it). But you walk with your head held high (the better to get it as far away as possible from your multiple concealed martial [not marital] aids) and know that you fear no man.

Dung Fu - give it a try. It just might be the Way for you.