Shotgun Moments...Attn: Ala Dan

[sm]

Subtitled: Embarrassing Shotgun Moments.

Ala Dan, my friend, this is for you.

I have no pride or ego ( must be an age dealie) so here goes.

I had been teaching a fella how to shoot, he is doing well ,coming right along. He just happens to have money and a Boat, I mean a Big Boat, like get on the Arkansas River and head to the Gulf and who nows where kinda Big Boat. So he gets a 870 Marine Magnum for his new Boat.

"Going to Europe for a month, take this and wring it out. run by the house get all the ammo you want and just test loads and stuff. If need anything different, just put it on my tab at so and so's gunshop" .

I guess he thought since I shot shotguns a bunch I was supposed to know something about them. I can see where where that thought process "might" be percieved as such, I mean I thought that same thing about other shooters. You know, it ain't always so.

I shot bunches of skeet, I shot the pattern board, I figured out the loads for skeet, buckshot , every conceivable shot need and slugs. The gun never missed a beat, smooth as glass reliable as all get out. I'm happy, he is gonna be happy.

< telephone rings>
"Blasted beaver dams, get your butt down here and lets blow stuff up"
< hang up>
Oh Boy!
Flooded timber, reseviors...where we duck hunt...humm...WATER! Guess what I grabbed...great guess...I'm gone!

Now for those you not familar with the flooded timber country, when the ducks ain't visiting, all sorts of critters are. We have big water mocassains, cottonmouths...and rattlesnakes on the bank. Beavers of course, and well bunch of other stuff that will hurt you really bad and leave you for dead. I have a Combat Commander on my hip and a Shotgun is always a smart thing to have. We also have stuff to blow stuff up with. These dams really screw with water needs for farming.

870 MM is in a Canvas gun case unloaded, sitting in the flat bottom boat . The bank is a bit steeper since the water is down. So we are loading up, I head up the bank and my buddy is heading down with stuff, he loses footing, basically falls into the boat reaching for the shotgun case to steady himself...perfect somersault over the side and splash. That's #1. Oh I forgot, we get really goopy, slick, green slimy stuff in water too-yuck. Do you know how Ugly and slimey a Boyt canvas case can appear when retrieved with a cane pole and a bare hook? It ain't pretty, and it stinks..smelly kind of stink.

If you ever need to find a bar ditch in a resevior, call me, I'm good, I find them first try. The idea was to slip over the side in chest waders and walk amongst the stumps so I could retrieve another flat bottom boat that had un-moored from the dock. I figured I tie up and be pulled by the first boat and the 9.9 Johnson. So I had slung the 870 because of the aforementioned critters. I found the bar ditch. See stuff looks different in different seasons. I'm 6', I'm in chest waders, I had to jump UP from the bottom to get back to daylight. That's #2.

The landowner is laughing, the farm dog on the bank is laughing, I even think the birds in the trees were laughing. It is not legal in AR to shoot things that laugh at you...870 MM did not provide any bouyancy, zip, zero, nada.

Ok we finally get to the task, I've dried off best can in the boat being pulled along. Waders are slippery by nature, remember that slime stuff...things get real slippery. So remember when you were growing up you were told to NOT STAND UP in a boat, you don't outgrow that btw.

So we do our thing, blow up the dam, life is good and rocking right along. Things went too well. I'm watching the landowners back because when dams get blown up , err, well, all that mud, muck and whatever goes everywhere, and critters are everywhere. Critters can get upset when their "enviroment" is messed with. Meaning we had a bunch of mean pissed off Big Snakes...everywhere, especially getting close to the landowner trying to get back in the lead boat.

I'm ready to go, so my job is to keep the snakes at bay, I'm in a safe zone of fire though I'm in the other boat...just let some rope out and scull over. I'm shooting and , remember that dealie about standing in a boat? I stood to shoot, with all that slime mud muck...well I remember I fired, fell, hit the safety before I went in. that is #3. This time I'm in stuff that is knee deep and wont let go. Its a 870 MM...OK so its not a "Resevior Model", but it'll work. I shuck shells, leave chamber open and oh yeah I use it as a wading staff.

Landowner took pics with a Polaroid, which I grabbed. 870 MM cleaned up fine, had a few badges of character, but fine. Owner comes back from Europe and we discuss the gun,loads and stuff. He asked about rumors he heard about a "certain beaver dam escapade". He asked how well his shotgun had performed. I tossed a pic of his shiney gun with mud, blood, slime and stuff...he got real quiet...I tossed a pic of what I looked like, I think he cracked a rib laughing so hard, his wife couldn't breathe.

Oh I destoyed the pics of me, if asked if a 870 Marine Magnum will "hold up" he shows pics of his gun.

Ala Dan , don't try this at home. Trust me, 870 MMs are great tough guns, but they cannot swim worth a flip, they will not float at all. I don't care if the word "Marine" in on the gun.

Anyone else have Embarrassing Shotgun Moments? Or you guys just gonna let me post by myself and look stupid all alone so you can laugh?


I think I'm gonna be left hung out to dry on this one

 

[Preacherman]

Hmmm... Let me put it this way:

1. When waking up in an African bush camp, it's not a good idea to wander out to the men's facilities (a deep hole surrounded by a canvas tarp) when half-asleep.

2. When going into the men's half-asleep, it's no fun to find a large, very poisonous snake in the hole, making significant noises at you.

3. When removing said snake, it's not a good idea to use a 12ga. shotgun loaded with birdshot, as said snake plus the other contents of the hole tend to come out of the hole at high speed.

4. Since the canvas tarp confines the high-speed detritus, the person standing in the entrance is going to collect a great deal of it.

5. You will not be a welcome guest in your party's tents after 1 through 4 above. How do I know this, you ask? Trust me. I know this.

 

[sm]

Observations From Life

1. "Beware the man whom shoots one gun - he knows it."

2. "Trust me. I know this."

Heed these statements. Equally signifigant statements exisit for a reason as well.

Preacherman, we probably resembled each other in appearance. I was not the most fresh smelling human after my adventure...but could you stand a bit more downwind my friend?

 

[Ala Dan]

Gosh sm, sounds like an exciting life style. Around
this part of the island, we are faced with snakes, coyotes,
wild cats, huge (FAT) rats, beavers, and lots of two legged
critter's. The "Marine Magnum" works exceptionally well,
when faced with the danger's that all of these can present!

OTOH, I've only been "Shotguning" for a very short
time; growing up on handguns, and the occasional rifle.
In my prime, I use to shoot the heads off a variety of
snakes while they were on the move with a 70's vintage
4" barrel Colt Python (Ha-Ha that's funny isn't it?), some
from rather great distances.

Now days, I'm relegated to puching holes in paper targets
with my West German SIG-SAUER's in 9m/m, and .45 ACP;
or Smith & Wesson model's 629-5 (5" Classic) .44 magnum
and 6" 686-5 .357 magnum. On days when I feel "up to
snuff" I will sometimes put on a demonstration using only
my S&W original, old model 60 (.38 Special) with 2" pinned
barrel and "R" serial prefix. I reserve that feat for those
"special occasions", when trying to impress new shooters;
or the range master himself. (Laughing Loudly, of course)

Since my days in the U.S. Army, I haven't thought much
about swiming with a "small artillery piece"? We prepared
for that kind'a situation doing the Viet-Nam war; as there
are many "creek's" over in that country. One never knows
when he/she might need that training!

Best Wishes,
Ala Dan, N.R.A. Life Member

 

[TrapperReady]

sm - "Trust me. I know this." is a phrase used by helpful, caring individuals.

Those who are less-so will often utter "Go ahead. Why don't you try it?". This is of course rapidly followed by "I told you so."

I tend to favor "It's your choice. I won't stop you." Fortunately, that's made my kids into pretty fast learners who trust what I say.

 

[Dave McCracken]

(Wiping coffee off Monitor,keyboard and chin)....

Thanks for that,guys. Since I don't want to leave my friends looking silly all by themselves, let me tell you about the Great Nutria Expedition....

Usually at that point in my life, we'd spend the spring going after Rockfish. But, the motor on the boat a friend owned needed major surgery, and we had a Memorial Day weekend with no means of getting out on the Bay.

We had been invited to hunt deer on a property south of Cambridge, and decided to go down there and scout the place out. We took a canoe, figuring we might go for some Crappie near Blackwater and shotguns, just because. A pair of 22 rifles went also.We were going down,camping on the property, and staying two nights.

Supplies for the trip included a case of tall frosties, some of J. Daniels best, and two Mason jars full of genuine West Va 'shine. You could get a buzz just looking at that high octane White Lightning. We also had some food, some cheap cigars, and enough Allman Bros tapes to keep us happy.

We stopped at a Bait and Tackle shop that also carried hunting supplies,gas, pork rinds,ice,more beer and so on. On inquiring about if there was anything huntable this time of year, the Andy Devine lookalike behind the counter told us there were "Nutes".

Nutes? He explained that Nutria had somehow gotten loose in the wetlands and were making a king sized nuisance of themselves. He described them as waterloving rodents bigger than beavers with orangish teeth. No closed season, no limit, quoth he, and we decided that shooting the things from the canoe was the ticket.

Our source had no idea of the culinary value of the things,and seemed horrified at the thought. But we had enough Tabasco to cover about anything.

So, we set up camp,beers appeared before we had the tent camper leveled, and only the vast quantities of alcohol and those cigars helped us cope with the vast numbers of Mosquitos and Greenhead flies.

A slight overdose of WVA Moon turns one's upper lip numb just before it does the same thing to our higher mental processes. Be warned.

The entire Eastern Shore is a huge wetland. There are billions of skeeters on the Shore. They're big enough to molest hummingbirds,bloodthirsty enough to make a vampire envious, and come in clouds. So, we sat there getting gerschnockered, slapping critters and eating until we retired to our camper. The screens didn't.

Daybreak found us overhung and in the foulest of moods as we slapped more bugs and readied the big Grumman canoe for the hunt. Only mild wettings resulted from the launch, they soothed a few of the bites but no great relief was found. As we cruised through s series of small canals built by the WPA in the 30s, we kept a sharp though bloodshot eye out for the Nutes, AKA Muskrats from Hell.

Nutris are quite aquatic, and after a few hundred yards one decided to surface right next to the canoe. The head, sporting orangish fangs, looked as big as a hippo's as it splashed me, only a few feet away. I jumped back, not a great idea in a tippy canoe(Note clever historical pun) and went over the other gunwale clutching my shotgun.

The water wasn't deep but...

Places like this do not have quicksand, but hard bottom is as scarce as honest Congressmen. None was here, and I floundered in two feet of water and an undetermined depth of muck. Meanwhile, the only part of me that was dry was my right wrist and hand, still clutching my 870 and holding it clear of the mess.

My two so called friends found this amusing for some reason, until...

Remember all that muck I was stirring up? Ever hear of swamp gas? This place smelled worse than Asian rice paddies, and my friends gagged on it.

Remember all that alcohol? Yup, they both ejected the remains of the prior night's Bacchanal, and I would have joined them but I was still trying to find something solid enough to stand on. I didn't, but managed to catch hold of the canoe and tried to pull it towards me.

No, I didn't tip them into the mess, but it was a close thing. Soon I was back in the canoe,where we commenced to call each other everything but sober, upright heterosexuals. I reeked, they reeked, the canoe reeked and the area reeked.

About then we decided to shoot Nutes only in self defense, and turned the canoe around to head back to camp to clean up. Unfortunately, there was no water source at camp other than a jug or two for drinking. Funny, as bad as we stank, the skeeters were undeterred. Maybe they were used to lunching off nute hunters.

So,we puzzled as to what next to do, but a Merciful Diety sent us a rain shower that got the worst off. Never have I stood in rain since without recalling that nasty day.

 

[sm]

Dave I might have been on that trip...not sure, vauge "recollections" , who knows?. Maybe I took a wrong turn ended up a long way from home...but it sounds familar. Allman Bro's, Mason Jars, skeeter's big enough to stand flat-footed and french kiss a chicken...awful headache , shotguns, firearms,...and canoes...yep I was there.

OT

PM'd about the Combat Commander. Yes it was worn outside of chest waders on the belt. I highly recommend chest wader belt and suspenders. The Colt was in a old style flap holster, and did see use that day. Exposed to the mud, blood, slime, wet...never missed a beat. Once back to the camp , field strip, remove grips, disassemble mags. Spray with Rusty Duck (tm) pipe clean, q-tip, bore mop bbl. Ligher fluid to clean mags, which dries leaves no residue. Rusty Duck ( tm) leaves no oily residue, but I wiped down, lubed as always, grips on, ran a mag through it an inserted carry mag. Like 870's ,1911 style stock guns take abuse , work in bad environs, and easy to maintain.

Rusty Duck is good stuff, used a bunch, displaces moisture,cleans, lubes protects, and works in freezing temps. NO varnishing effect. Markaberry boys out of KY have a good product.

 

[P95Carry]

870 MM did not provide any bouyancy

Bwahahaha!! Oh my - Steve - great story and well told indeed ..... and then there follows ......... even more wonderful stuff. This is yet another great thread that has taken off ... love it!

Dave .... your tail too was a winner ... Precherman's was slightly more succinct but still very ''pithy'' ...... oh my ....

I can only tell one tail re shottie ''things'' - I have related it before and i tell it against myself ... ya see - I am at an age where I can not only laugh at myself .... but get some obscure pleasure from knowing that maybe others too will get a laugh ... OK here we go .......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bit under three years ago ..... fall 2000 I think. Large Black snake outside near garage . Now I could have left it really cos in truth it was not doin much harm but ... I am not a snake lover really. In to house, and down to basement ...... retrieve Mossy 500 20G ..... charge mag with two shells .... and go back out ... unfortunate snake has stayed where it was.

One shot renders it all but headless ... and I remove what is left to a distance.

Back into house ..... and, going down stairs in basement .... rack gun to check it (forgetting #2 shell still in mag) ... but forgot to eye ball chamber and rack again ... I mean 2 racks is sensible cos if anything gets chambered it comes out again. DUH!!........... did not do this. STOOPID.

Having as I thought ''cleared'' gun - I actuated trigger, whilst pointing in a safe direction. BOOM!!! Oh my ...... OOPS!! Ears ringing I again cleared it ... properly this time ... put it away and inspected damage!

Most was pellets in stair treads .. but a couple had found their way to perforate one of the water treatment tanks at bottom of stairs .... hmmm .... patch and mend!! (mutter, mutter ..... mainly short words!!)

Sadly - one stray pellet found the butt of my Enfield 2 band Musketoon, which was hangin on the wall .. tore a bit of wood .. now THAT did pi$$ me off. Did a repair but ... every time I look at it I remember my idiocy.

So .... I guess this sorta event is one reason why my all time fave gun safety rule is ''never point at anything you do not wish to destroy''. Because I did follow this - nothing was destroyed per se ..... just some mild damage. But then at least, things inanimate can be mended.

The laughing aspect aside - it was indeed perhaps the most salutary lesson I have ever had with firearms. My laundry survived ... only just!