I have a Colt Mustang that is pretty soft shooting but again you may be looking at a short grip problem that you mentioned you want to avoid. Might want to see if you can find a Colt .380 Government. Bit longer in the grip than the Mustang but with its locked breech design rather than straight blowback, the recoil should be as soft or softer than my smaller Mustang.
Honorable mentions go to the CZ83, Beretta 84/85, Sig 230, Makarov and the Taurus .380. However, some of these have a double stack magazine that may be an issue for smaller hands, the DA pull on some of them may be a bit tough and they are all blowback designs that are going to produce more snappy recoil.