Balog
Member
I'm proud of how High Road we've been. My first suggestion involved a blunt instrument and a hog farm.
Suggest course of action for a friend
- Thread starter Oleg Volk
- Start date
- Status
Your friend sounds like she is indeed influenced by a psychological incapicitation such similar to
the "battered wife syndrome". Considering the environment she grew up in, this is not surprsing.
1) She needs help from those familiar with battered women, such as Domestic Violence Coalition. Someone
familiar with such emotional paralysis can assist her to see why she chooses to stay in such a dangerous
and abusive situation.
2) She is 18. SHE can press charges against the abuser. It doesn't matter what the mother says or does. The next time she is hit, with a bloody lip, bruises,
etc, that's it. That is legal evidence. All she has to do is call the police and say, "He assaulted me. Here is
bruise/mark etc. They MUST arrrest him. San Francisco may have strong laws this way. DVC can assist here
as well with information. Of course, she should do this AFTER she knows she can be safe from his abuse.
Like the day AFTER she moves out.
3) How sick is the guy? Psychopath? Narcissist? Alcoholic? Drug abuser? If he is the average bully...they
respond to fear. As Al Capone said, "People who got no respect, respect one thing; fear"
I once heard of a woman who's ex-husband was stalking her, threatening her life, calling her...this was
in New York...1970's. Somebody she worked with said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it. What's his name?"
The abuse stopped. Evidently, someone had called this guy up and said, very calmly, plainly, simply;
"Call her again and they'll find you floating in the East River"
Of course, in many states, like California, this is called "making a terroristic threat" and is itself a
crime. Of course, if someone were to call him concerned about his health...saying that this girl had
very powerfull friends who were very angry at him...and he should be very carefull next time he crosses the
street, or goes out at night...that he and his behavior were being watched very carefully...
Good luck. Very painfull situation for her and her friends. Professional assistance and information would be most helpfull.
the "battered wife syndrome". Considering the environment she grew up in, this is not surprsing.
1) She needs help from those familiar with battered women, such as Domestic Violence Coalition. Someone
familiar with such emotional paralysis can assist her to see why she chooses to stay in such a dangerous
and abusive situation.
2) She is 18. SHE can press charges against the abuser. It doesn't matter what the mother says or does. The next time she is hit, with a bloody lip, bruises,
etc, that's it. That is legal evidence. All she has to do is call the police and say, "He assaulted me. Here is
bruise/mark etc. They MUST arrrest him. San Francisco may have strong laws this way. DVC can assist here
as well with information. Of course, she should do this AFTER she knows she can be safe from his abuse.
Like the day AFTER she moves out.
3) How sick is the guy? Psychopath? Narcissist? Alcoholic? Drug abuser? If he is the average bully...they
respond to fear. As Al Capone said, "People who got no respect, respect one thing; fear"
I once heard of a woman who's ex-husband was stalking her, threatening her life, calling her...this was
in New York...1970's. Somebody she worked with said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it. What's his name?"
The abuse stopped. Evidently, someone had called this guy up and said, very calmly, plainly, simply;
"Call her again and they'll find you floating in the East River"
Of course, in many states, like California, this is called "making a terroristic threat" and is itself a
crime. Of course, if someone were to call him concerned about his health...saying that this girl had
very powerfull friends who were very angry at him...and he should be very carefull next time he crosses the
street, or goes out at night...that he and his behavior were being watched very carefully...
Good luck. Very painfull situation for her and her friends. Professional assistance and information would be most helpfull.
Oleg Volk
Moderator Emeritus
Thanks to all who responded. The situation might be solved shortly by her, thanks in part to the advice here.
P95Carry
Moderator Emeritus
Oleg ..... you are it seems in an invidious position .. not too much you can do - at least not beyond a certain point. You also suffer one major (and maybe more rare these days) fault ... YOU CARE ..... and that makes it very difficult.
How much outside involvement is enough? How much is too much? Tread gently but I do hope you manage to provide enough influence such that this victim .. which is what she appears to be ... gets away from this. I never cease to be amazed at what victims seem to put up with, seemingly always finding excuses for what they suffer, as if it is their fault.
How much outside involvement is enough? How much is too much? Tread gently but I do hope you manage to provide enough influence such that this victim .. which is what she appears to be ... gets away from this. I never cease to be amazed at what victims seem to put up with, seemingly always finding excuses for what they suffer, as if it is their fault.
Vasilia Zhietzev
Member
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2003
- Messages
- 81
Koba
Koba:
you wrote:
" How sick is the guy? Psychopath? Narcissist? Alcoholic? Drug abuser? "
narcissist...now that's a term i rarely hear, but am familiar with...how did you come to know about this borderline personality disorder? i would like to hear what you have to say.
thanks.
VZ
Koba:
you wrote:
" How sick is the guy? Psychopath? Narcissist? Alcoholic? Drug abuser? "
narcissist...now that's a term i rarely hear, but am familiar with...how did you come to know about this borderline personality disorder? i would like to hear what you have to say.
thanks.
VZ
P95Carry
Moderator Emeritus
Vasilia - forgive my flippancy but .. can't resist ..... 
Uttered whilst subject looks at self in mirror .... ''I used to be a narcissist, but now I know, it's the 'real thing' ''.
Uttered whilst subject looks at self in mirror .... ''I used to be a narcissist, but now I know, it's the 'real thing' ''.
QuarterBoreGunner
Member
**excuse me**
P95Carry...LOL
P95Carry...LOL
dustind
Member
In Minnesota, and probably other states like CA you only need one parties permission to tape or record something. It may be different since the children do not own the house.
I recently learned in psychology class that if you put a mouse (or any other animal, they are all the same, even humans) into a skinner box (a controlled area with limited number of possible responses) you can teach animals things or change behavior. If the box is empty with only a switch you can teach the animal to push the switched to be rewarded, or to stop a punishment. There was lots of into on how we and animals learn, and how to change behavior, but one thing that stuck out and is relevant.
If you put a dog into a box where half of the floor is electrified and the other half is not the dog will simply move to the nonelectrified side. If the dog has to push a bar or climb a gate to get there it will in order to stop the electrical punishment. If there is nothing that the dog can do to stop the punishment it will get a condition known as "learned helplessness." Even if the dog is put into a different box with an easy escape it will just lay there and except the pain.
From the book...
The dogs in that group that started off helpless showed loss of appetite, listless, and other signs of depression. The condition was first discovered in 1969 by Martin Seligman. Many studies have shown that learned helplessness can occur in animals and in humans. (Maier & Seligman, 1976) Once established, the condition generalizes to new situations and can be very persistent, even given evidence that an unpleasant circumstance can now be avoided (Peterson, Mair, & Seligman, 1993) ...snip... Similarly, children raised in an abusive family, where punishment is unrelated to behavior, often develop a feeling of helplessness.
I recently learned in psychology class that if you put a mouse (or any other animal, they are all the same, even humans) into a skinner box (a controlled area with limited number of possible responses) you can teach animals things or change behavior. If the box is empty with only a switch you can teach the animal to push the switched to be rewarded, or to stop a punishment. There was lots of into on how we and animals learn, and how to change behavior, but one thing that stuck out and is relevant.
If you put a dog into a box where half of the floor is electrified and the other half is not the dog will simply move to the nonelectrified side. If the dog has to push a bar or climb a gate to get there it will in order to stop the electrical punishment. If there is nothing that the dog can do to stop the punishment it will get a condition known as "learned helplessness." Even if the dog is put into a different box with an easy escape it will just lay there and except the pain.
From the book...
The dogs in that group that started off helpless showed loss of appetite, listless, and other signs of depression. The condition was first discovered in 1969 by Martin Seligman. Many studies have shown that learned helplessness can occur in animals and in humans. (Maier & Seligman, 1976) Once established, the condition generalizes to new situations and can be very persistent, even given evidence that an unpleasant circumstance can now be avoided (Peterson, Mair, & Seligman, 1993) ...snip... Similarly, children raised in an abusive family, where punishment is unrelated to behavior, often develop a feeling of helplessness.
P95Carry
Moderator Emeritus
That Dustind makes a lot of sense ... I'd view that as ''sustained resignation'' - as well as helplessness .... a conditioned response. Maybe even a ''mute acceptance'' also.
Has to be something like this - when you consider how many adults stick it out with an abusive partner .. even to the extent that they lay blame on themselves .. because so often they are verbally abused to the point where they seem to start and continue believing, that they themselves are ''so bad'' .. ''so unworthy'' etc.
A hard cycle of denial too .. and all so hard to break.
WonderNine
member
Simple, tell her to get a boyfriend who will scare the crap out of her father.
Oleg Volk
Moderator Emeritus
UPDATE!
The culprit is in jail for beating his wife almost to death. She's intreatment. The oldest kid now has to fend for herself and her siblings. I am not surprised but much saddened.
The culprit is in jail for beating his wife almost to death. She's intreatment. The oldest kid now has to fend for herself and her siblings. I am not surprised but much saddened.
P95Carry
Moderator Emeritus
Appreciate the update Oleg ... saddening indeed but ... seemingly some justice has been served. There will at least be a ''cessation of hostilities'' one hopes.
Hope wife makes a good recovery and that the kids manage .. hopefully someone somewhere on hand who just might add in some necessary TLC too.
Hope wife makes a good recovery and that the kids manage .. hopefully someone somewhere on hand who just might add in some necessary TLC too.
Oleg Volk
Moderator Emeritus
Besides THR members who offered local support (they were not taken up on the offer), the oldest kid has a boyfriend who is a decent and intelligent man. Unfortunately, at 18 he is not possessed of serious resources, besides the ability to provide moral support. My friend can be very resourceful herself, hopefully would come through allright.
Oleg,
The problem is not solved is my guess, just temporarily abated. My solution? Aguila .22 Sniper sub-sonic, scoped CZ rifle with night capability, one shot around Dad's temple area. End of problem. Sorry to be flippant here but having been around the block once or twice I have learned you cannot solve other people's problems for them without their cooperation. This is the issue of personal responsibility we so often talk about.
The problem is not solved is my guess, just temporarily abated. My solution? Aguila .22 Sniper sub-sonic, scoped CZ rifle with night capability, one shot around Dad's temple area. End of problem. Sorry to be flippant here but having been around the block once or twice I have learned you cannot solve other people's problems for them without their cooperation. This is the issue of personal responsibility we so often talk about.
Rabbi, the .22 to the temple would be too good for this bastard.
Quick, painless, wouldn't even know what happened to him.
I think this one requires more basic tools.....like vise grips, a butane lighter, maybe a nice broken beer bottle.......
I hope this thing works itself out.
Maybe this is the rock bottom the situation had to hit to make Oleg's friend see the reality of her situation.
Sadly, some people don't come to their realizations even when rock bottom is reached.
hillbilly
Quick, painless, wouldn't even know what happened to him.
I think this one requires more basic tools.....like vise grips, a butane lighter, maybe a nice broken beer bottle.......
I hope this thing works itself out.
Maybe this is the rock bottom the situation had to hit to make Oleg's friend see the reality of her situation.
Sadly, some people don't come to their realizations even when rock bottom is reached.
hillbilly
- Status
