I have to admit that I am shocked--shocked, I tell you--that two Southern gentlemen such as Old Fuff and Tuner would engage in hysterics over such fiddledee as cooking, triggers, and wet t-shirts. Surely you gentlemen have arrived at a point in life where you appreciate the finer things.
Food that is to be fried in oil is to be fried in bacon grease for flavor, or lard when the flavor is to be neutral.
Frozen shrimp, crab, or crawfish is not seafood--it's frozen food. Only fresh "mudbugs" are acceptable for a real southern jambalya, etouffee or gumbo. Dice some onion, bell pepper, green onion, celery. Throw in some cayenne, black and white pepper, and cumin. Get some flour frying into a roux, and mix all the vegies and spices in to cool. Add the roux to a several cups of stock (you did remember to cook down all the remnants of the crab, shrimp, crawfish and other critters you ate before into a stock, right?).
Now make your rice. Two cups rice to 2 1/2 cups stock. Make sure to season with cayenne, black pepper, white pepper, and throw some vegies on the top. Grind up some chicken livers for taste and throw them in, too.
Once the roux and stock is boiling, mix them together to a smooth gravy-like mixture. When the rice is just about done, throw in all those Sea Creatures into the roux/stock mix.
That, gentlemen, is Heaven.
Oh, by the way, Cornish pasties are pronounced "pass-tees," not "paste-ees."
And, as a member of your generation, I would hope that you would admit that a classic beauty is preferable to a pair of wet t-shirt "Duals." So, I give you the classic beauty of our time:
