What I learned from the Movies and TV

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griz

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First off I’ll admit to becoming burned out on "action" movies and the like. If that’s your cup of tea I mean no offence, but here are the lessons I have learned from Hollywood.

1. Using the sights is not an approved method. Holding the gun sideways is approved.

2. Your skill level does not come from practice, but is based on the goodness of your intentions. Someone who has never fired a gun before can pick one up and shoot like Annie Oakley if their heart is in the right place.

3. As long as the two main characters are armed, 70 percent of the time the natural progression of a gun fight will lead to a standoff. Both of them will be pointing their guns at each other, often at less than arms length. They will then proceed to have a lengthy discussion on the plot of the movie.

4. If the characters involved in item 3 are in good shape, they will agree to throw their weapons away and start wailing away at each other with their fists. The exceptions are Martial Arts films, where they use their feet as well.

5. When a gun is empty, it will go click click every time the trigger is pulled. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Glock or an AR15, it still goes click.

If you tell me your lessons maybe I won’t have to watch the nest shoot’em up movie.
;)
 
You must hold the slide lock down on a weapon so it doesn't lock back on an empty magazine.

That way, you can point it at someone, have it go click, then initiate hand-to-hand with the main bad guy in the movie, who will, invariably have equally impressive hand-to-hand combat skills as the hero.
 
Speaking of ARs going "click", I watched 44 Minutes last night and one of the cops was doing it.

Another thing that really chapped my @$$ was when the cops went to the gun store to "borrow" some weapons and after being shown some options by the store owner, the cop says, "I can't believe people can just buy this stuff." They were looking at AR-15s, CAR-15s, and a Remington 700 "sniper" rifle. :confused:

I knew they would throw in thier little political statement somewhere. Up until then the movie was fairly neutral.

GT
 
Movie time...

Every time I take someone new to the range, I always preface the trip with a safty course and "If you saw it on TV or in the movies, IT'S WRONG!"

"Now let me show you how it's done"

No complaints so far.

-LeadPumper
 
Funny....

Every time I take someone new to the range, I always preface the trip with a safty course and "If you saw it on TV or in the movies, IT'S WRONG!"

That's funny because everytime I take a new shooter out I preface by saying what you are about to learn is going to ruin about 92% of the movies that you see.
 
What I learned from the movies:

1. If you're the good guy, you never run out of ammo. *

*If you're the good guy and you do happen to run out of ammo, your partner will miraculously appear and shoot the badguy in the nick of time, or you do a slick karate move and knock the gun from the badguy's hand.

2. If you're the good guy, you can nail perfect head shots at moving targets at incredible distances, especially if you're armed with a snubnose revolver.

3. If you're the badguy, not only will you run out of ammo, you will die a horrible gruesome death.*

*If badguy survives, it's only because the good guy has a heart of gold and bringing the badguy to justice is morally better than just plain shootin' the guy for killing his partner, wife, and faithful dog.

4. If you're in a horror movie, never, ever pick up the handy loaded handgun that had been left behind by the cop that was just eaten by the ten-eyed tentacle zenomorph from Mars. Run screaming, and then fall and hurt your ankle. Monster catches up, no matter how slow it is moving.

5. Those evil black-clad ninja guys can duck bullets in slow motion.
 
Don't forget:

When impacted by anything coming out of a shotgun, the bad guy flys backwards 20 feet through the air.
 
If you are shooting a 20' long anaconda (from the movie -- Anaconda) with a bolt action rifle, there is no need to use the bolt. You just pull the trigger, 12 consecutive times and it fires every shot!

Simply facinating! I gotta get me one of those... :cuss:
 
Don't shoot COM at a monster! Never stops them. Never see a head shot on Jason or a vampire. Just useless shots to the chest.

USMC - Jennifer didn't have to worry. The snake never could have swallowed her butt.

I also have learned in several movies that if you drop your gun and then pick it up, it can turn into another gun. I saw a hero drop a revolver and pick up a 380 semi.

That's amazing
 
*If badguy survives, it's only because the good guy has a heart of gold and bringing the badguy to justice is morally better than just plain shootin' the guy for killing his partner, wife, and faithful dog.

....only in time for the badguy to take advantage of the situation by trying to kill the good guy, whereupon the bad guy dies anyway.
 
2 1911's have the ability to lift a guy off his feet and propel him throught he air 40 feet. Mags hold approximately 25-30 rounds each.

From the movie: Last Man Standing
 
Tom Cruise's Beretta 9000 did the same thing in Minority Report. So much for the 9mm being a poor stopper myth! :rolleyes:
 
If the good guy is wearing a bullet-proof vest, he will ALWAYS get shot in the vest...even if he is hit with a shotgun blast.
Corollary: The Hero's Heroic Aura causes any body armor he wears to roughly quintuple in protective ability. The Hero's armor will always stop any attack with only minor bruising at worst.

The Hero can patch up injuries and extract bullets/pellets/Venusian Burrowing Death Leeches/shrapnel/arrows with improvised materials and without professional medical assistance. The only permanent effects will be Heroic Scars.

Women should stand around screaming instead of helping the Hero when the Bad Guy or Monster attacks.
Corollary: If the Hero's weapon is knocked from his hand or dropped, it will land near the Hero's Love Interest's feet. She must not even contemplate picking it up and attacking the Bad Guy. If she is bound or otherwise immobilized, she must not try to free herself, even to the extent of getting a leg free to kick the Hero's weapon back to him.

All guns may be reloaded instantly whenever you are off camera, even for a split second. Even muzzleloaders.

The hero will suffer only minor intoxication from Truth Serum, no matter how many doses he is given. Under no circumstances will Truth Serum cause the Hero to reveal the Secret.

If the Bad Guy or Monster looks dead, then death must be assumed, regardless of any previous incidents of surviving what should have been fatal wounds. It is not permissible to make sure with additional shots, decapitation, incineration, or explosives.
Corollary: If the Bad Guy or Monster falls from a height and the body is visible, it is forbidden to drop things on the body(such as nearby large rocks) to ensure death.

Some related sites:
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
The Hero, True Love, Sidekick, Innocent Bystander and Evil Henchman guides:
http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/index.htm#SF
the Evil Empress Guide
 
That I never want to be a damsel in distress. Cause then I don't get to shoot all the cool guns. I also would be able to help out the hero and get some credit for being the good shot that I am.

Gus
 
That I never want to be a damsel in distress. Cause then I don't get to shoot all the cool guns. I also would be able to help out the hero and get some credit for being the good shot that I am.

Women, even amateurs, are at the very high end of the marskmanship and tactics spectrum. Whether innately such as Vasquez or Lara Croft, or amateurs like Ellen Ripley, Princess Leia, whats her name from Resident Evil.

Also, women's body armor usually accentuates their, um, anatomical features.
 
Skunk-I never said I didn't want to be in the movies I just said I didn't want to be a damsel in distress.

The only reason I wouldn't want to be in the movies would be cause of the .... revealing outfits that look very uncomfortable. Besides with something that fitting it's not easy to carry concealed.

Gus
 
You can start off firing 7.62x25, but by the time the casings hit the floor, they'll be .223. Check out the Matrix lobby shoot out scene for that one.

You and your partner can go on a kill-crazy rampage if the bad guys threaten you or your family. You don't have to follow department policies, and search warrants, what are those? The law doesn't require you to actually make any arrests, and it's ok to kill all of your suspects, or they might show up in the sequel. (Lethal Weapon movies)

If the hero gets shot or cut, it's always just a flesh wound, and they are able to carry on fighting, even with the injured limb.

Detectives don't solve crimes, lab technicians do.

It's easy to shoot two pistols at the same time, just use one eye for each gun.

Chris
 
You can start off firing 7.62x25, but by the time the casings hit the floor, they'll be .223. Check out the Matrix lobby shoot out scene for that one.
isnt the scorpion chambered for .32, not .30?
 
Your partner will be killed a month before retirement. You will then be placed with either a rookie or a renegade cop of a different race, or a female officer who you will have sex with in less than 90 minutes.

You will probably be dropped from the case, and someone in Internal Affairs is part of the crime ring.

You will jump from rooftop to rooftop and dangle for dear life at least once, then jump either through a window or onto the hood of a car.
 
People who shoot two guns at once are definitely way cooler than people who can only shoot one.....
if they can't hit anything shooting akimbo then you wonder why they are doing it
if they can hit everything akimbo you shake your head and wonder why can't I do that?
BSR
 
You can start off firing 7.62x25, but by the time the casings hit the floor, they'll be .223. Check out the Matrix lobby shoot out scene for that one.
Neo was using his power as "The One" to do that. No, really. ;)
...you are all getting sleepy... it was not a continuity error... return to your normal lives... forget... forget...

Anything that is too large to go up a nostril may be used as concealment in movies/TV.
Anything that in reality would provide concealment = cover in movies/TV.
Cover = invulnerability to any attack short of anti-tank rockets.

Most revolvers have safeties.
You can "fan" a double-action revolver.
Semiautos without external hammers may still be cocked(the police w/ Glocks vs. Trinity scene from the start of The Matrix).

Bad guy explosives cause smoke and sartorial damage such as shredded clothing(think of cartoon explosives).

Good guy explosives nuke whatever/whoever the Hero wants to destroy and leave everything/everyone else in the vicinity unharmed.

You can fight in a prolonged gun battle with lots of explosions without bothering to use hearing protection, and still hear a normal conversation(or a Bad Guy sneaking up behind you) immediately afterward.

Shooting a vehicle almost anywhere will make it catch fire and/or blow up.

Women must wear tight revealing clothing and impractical shoes that interfere with running, fighting, tunnel-crawling, climbing, or other athletics. This rule applies even if they know ahead of time that such activities are likely. No matter how durable the clothing is, it must get torn in such a way as to make it more revealing.

A Hero who takes his shirt off becomes harder to hit.

Rural people are inbred, gun-totin', beer-drinkin', 'baccer-chewin' gap-toothed rednecks who are just itchin' ta kill sumthin'. They often want to capture or kill the Hero. This is usually because they were gullible enough to fall for the frame-up that has forced the Hero to go on the run.

Rural people are all expert marksmen, outdoorsmen, drivers, brawlers, and mechanics. Their simple honesty and decency may seem naive and unsophisticated to City Slickers. They may seem deficient in formal education to the uninitiated, but they have a great deal of Common Sense and Mountain Wisdom that can save the Hero's butt.

Rural LEO's are corrupt and/or dangerously clueless("Yer sayin' that six hikers have disappeared and 'get out in the name of Satan' was painted in blood on a rock near where they were last seen? Prob'ly just teenagers pullin' a prank.").

Rural LEO's are Honest Forthright Cops, and your last hope when the Corrupt Cops/Black Helicopters/Evil Conspirators/Feds Who Mean Well But Who Misinterpreted The Evidence/Men In Black are after you.

The Hero's 9mm can double as an anti-tank weapon.
The Villain's .44 magnum can occasionally cause minor flesh wounds.

Shotgun pellets spread a foot per two feet of travel, allowing entire rooms to be cleared with one shot.
Corollary: The Hero may use low-brass skeet shells, they will transform into magnum armor-piercing heat-seeking 100-pellet 00000 buckshot shells in his shotgun. They will shorten so that he may load three times as many as usual. They will change back when ejected so as not to reveal the secret.

Glock makes a ceramic gun that does not show up on a metal detector.

Suppressors only need to be about 3 inches long and an inch wide, and they can make any gun sound like a kitten's sneeze.

A rifle may be used like a quarterstaff and/or a two-handed sword for an entire fight scene and it will still safely, reliably, and accurately fire.

Laser sights allow anyone to achieve sniper-like accuracy.

Gas masks don't interfere with heavy exertion, vision, or shooting.

It is forbidden to use ranged weapons against the Bad Guy who is a demigod in hand-to-hand combat. This applies even if the populace still has guns, bows, slings, javelins, or rocks. It is also forbidden to swarm him under with superior numbers, or to combine the above tactics(e.g. all of the Downtrodden Villagers throw rocks and fishing nets, then follow up with farm implements).
Corollary: If the Bad Guy is an expert pistolero, it is forbidden to snipe from beyond his range or to ambush him.

If someone begins to behave bizarrely, it is forbidden to behave as though you have noticed. It is against The TV and Movie Rules to attempt to determine whether or not he has been possessed, mind-controlled, or replaced by a clone/robot/shapechanger. If you attempt to test anyway, you may not restrain OR DISARM the subject while doing so.

Any semi-automatic firearm may be quickly and easily altered with ordinary hand tools to reliably and safely fire full auto. Gunsmithing skills are not needed.

The hero's CCW's never print, and he has reciprocity in all jurisdictions.
 
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