Ethan Allen
Member
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2008
- Messages
- 1
A true story--sorta.
Luther, had been the hired man on a farm up in what is called the Northeast Kindom section of Vermont. The Northeast Kingdom is bordered on the east by New Hampshire and on the north by Canada. Mighty independent folks reside there, unlike Southern Vermont which is more like San Francisco or Maybe Northhampton, Taxachusetts. Look it up. See for yourself.
Anyway, Luther hadn't had a vacation for 20 years and decided that he would take a trip down to Cape Cod (Kennedy Country) as he had never seen the ocean. He didn't own a car and so he had to take the bus. It took him most of two days just to get there.
After three days, he decided he didn't like the ocean or the beach nor the people. He said they had this funny accent--sounded like they were talking out of their left ear or somethin'.
Luther was pretty tight with his money and didn't really want to pay for another ticket on the bus and decided he could hitchhike home faster and cheaper.
He got on the road and stuck out his thumb. The first car stopped and the driver asked if Luther was a Democrat or Republican. Luther said Republican and the driver took off and left him standing there.
The second car came along and once again the driver asked Luther if he was a Democrat or Republican. When Luther replied Republican, the driver swore at him and said he didn't allow no damned Republicans in his car!
It was beginning to rain and Luther thought that he would never get home and decided he needed to try a new strategy. When the third car came along and the driver asked if he was a Democrat or Republican, Luther spoke right up and said "Democrat". The driver said to hop in and away they went.
A couple of miles later the driver slammed on his brakes and pulled over to the side of the road. Right there was a big field just filled with pumpkins. The driver told Luther to jump out quick and grab a half a dozen pumpkins and throw 'em in the trunk quick while nobody was looking. Well, Luther didn't want to lose his ride so he did as the driver told him.
As they rode along Luther began to chuckle. The driver asked him what was so funny.
Luther said, "It's a funny thing. I only been a Democrat five minutes and I'm stealin' already!.
Now some folks think that is a funny story, but the good part is still to come. As you all know, pumpkins are very dangerous and have caused an awful lot of harm and should be regulated by the government. So, the State of Taxachusetts passed a law that required that all pumpkins over 4 inches in diameter must be registered with the State. Even old Ted Kennedy sobered up long enough to amend the bill to include 4 inchers. He said they were just like hand grenades and could cause a lot of damage.
The reasoning behind the required registration of pumpkins was plain to see.
1. What do people do with pumpkins?
2. They are liable to make Jack-o-Lanterns?
3. What do they make 'em with?
4. Knives! Of course!
So, what do we end up with? Kids making Jack-o-Lanterns, cutting their fingers with dangerous knives, Putting candles in'em ,liable to catch on fire and burn the whole damn town down! Can't have that now can we?
Well, the Pumpkin Police caught Luther and the driver and along with the farmer and all three of them are in jail awaiting trial.
Now, this involves some serious charges and it is cofusing as to who should be charges with what, but the facts are clear.
Unregistered pumpkins were being raised by the farmer in the state without the proper 10 foot high fence with razor wire on top, as required by law.
Theft of said pumpkins by Luther.
Driver was transporting unregistered pumpkins and also a jack knife was slso found in the glove compartment. another violation-knife was unregistered, too.
A box of Band Aids was also found in the car. Now, it's all beginning to make sense. What do you do with Band Aids? You put 'em on cut fingers. How do fingers get cut? With knives, of course, while making Jack-o-Lanterns, which catch on fire and burn the whole damn town down!
Now these are serious charges.
In your opinion, who should be charged with what crime and what should the punishment be?
Luther, had been the hired man on a farm up in what is called the Northeast Kindom section of Vermont. The Northeast Kingdom is bordered on the east by New Hampshire and on the north by Canada. Mighty independent folks reside there, unlike Southern Vermont which is more like San Francisco or Maybe Northhampton, Taxachusetts. Look it up. See for yourself.
Anyway, Luther hadn't had a vacation for 20 years and decided that he would take a trip down to Cape Cod (Kennedy Country) as he had never seen the ocean. He didn't own a car and so he had to take the bus. It took him most of two days just to get there.
After three days, he decided he didn't like the ocean or the beach nor the people. He said they had this funny accent--sounded like they were talking out of their left ear or somethin'.
Luther was pretty tight with his money and didn't really want to pay for another ticket on the bus and decided he could hitchhike home faster and cheaper.
He got on the road and stuck out his thumb. The first car stopped and the driver asked if Luther was a Democrat or Republican. Luther said Republican and the driver took off and left him standing there.
The second car came along and once again the driver asked Luther if he was a Democrat or Republican. When Luther replied Republican, the driver swore at him and said he didn't allow no damned Republicans in his car!
It was beginning to rain and Luther thought that he would never get home and decided he needed to try a new strategy. When the third car came along and the driver asked if he was a Democrat or Republican, Luther spoke right up and said "Democrat". The driver said to hop in and away they went.
A couple of miles later the driver slammed on his brakes and pulled over to the side of the road. Right there was a big field just filled with pumpkins. The driver told Luther to jump out quick and grab a half a dozen pumpkins and throw 'em in the trunk quick while nobody was looking. Well, Luther didn't want to lose his ride so he did as the driver told him.
As they rode along Luther began to chuckle. The driver asked him what was so funny.
Luther said, "It's a funny thing. I only been a Democrat five minutes and I'm stealin' already!.
Now some folks think that is a funny story, but the good part is still to come. As you all know, pumpkins are very dangerous and have caused an awful lot of harm and should be regulated by the government. So, the State of Taxachusetts passed a law that required that all pumpkins over 4 inches in diameter must be registered with the State. Even old Ted Kennedy sobered up long enough to amend the bill to include 4 inchers. He said they were just like hand grenades and could cause a lot of damage.
The reasoning behind the required registration of pumpkins was plain to see.
1. What do people do with pumpkins?
2. They are liable to make Jack-o-Lanterns?
3. What do they make 'em with?
4. Knives! Of course!
So, what do we end up with? Kids making Jack-o-Lanterns, cutting their fingers with dangerous knives, Putting candles in'em ,liable to catch on fire and burn the whole damn town down! Can't have that now can we?
Well, the Pumpkin Police caught Luther and the driver and along with the farmer and all three of them are in jail awaiting trial.
Now, this involves some serious charges and it is cofusing as to who should be charges with what, but the facts are clear.
Unregistered pumpkins were being raised by the farmer in the state without the proper 10 foot high fence with razor wire on top, as required by law.
Theft of said pumpkins by Luther.
Driver was transporting unregistered pumpkins and also a jack knife was slso found in the glove compartment. another violation-knife was unregistered, too.
A box of Band Aids was also found in the car. Now, it's all beginning to make sense. What do you do with Band Aids? You put 'em on cut fingers. How do fingers get cut? With knives, of course, while making Jack-o-Lanterns, which catch on fire and burn the whole damn town down!
Now these are serious charges.
In your opinion, who should be charged with what crime and what should the punishment be?
