what's the best?

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You mentioned 40 caliber. Have you tried 9mm and 45 as well and decided on the 40? My advise is what some have already mentioned. Rent or borrow as many different guns as you can and shoot them. Different guns fit different people and a gun that fits you will be the best choice for you. You will be able to shoot it better, and enjoy shooting it. No one can tell what is best for you. You have to find it for yourself. Shot placement is more important than caliber. Regardless of caliber, where you can put that bullet is the most important thing. JMHO :)
 
Gutterman,
The best, is what is best for you. Find an old coger like me with a bunch of guns and see if you can find one you like. Be surprised how he will enjoy the attention and be happy to let you play like a kid in a candy store.
 
I just put an XD .40 Sub Compact on lay-a-way for $479.99 on sale. This will be my 3rd XD. IMO they are a very good choice.
 
Go to a range that lets you rent guns, and try out the above suggested models. When you come across one that feels "right", that's the one for you.

Ditto the above, especially when considering anything chambered in .40 S&W
 
I've got two 40 subcompacts I really like, the Glock 27 and the XD40sc. The Glock is slightly smaller, but the XD seems to kick slightly less.
 
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