And here in the land of Oz...
England's laws are even more draconian than here in Australia.
I have been in the Court of Petty Sessions here in Armadale, Western Australia, and heard the magistrate sentence a man for the "crime" of having a cricket bat in the back seat of his car.
This guy was stopped by the police for a "random breath check" (which was, surprisingly, never administered) when the police officer noticed the cricket bat. When the fellow was asked why he had the bat in the back seat, he (foolishly?- yep!) told the police the truth: he had it "because some 'hoons' down the street where he lived, would beat him up if he didn't have something to defend himself." (That's from memory, it's accurate but not word-for-word.) The magistrate lectured him, saying in effect that if everyone were armed, then uncontrollable battles would rage everywhere; and if the man thought he was threatened, he should call the police to deal with it.
The magistrate then fined him $150 (that's about US$100) for possession of a "controlled weapon" which was prohibited under the Weapons Act. The guy's now got a police record and has taken a hit to the hip pocket too. He was totally non-plussed, and kept repeating, "but they never gave me any breath test, that's what they said they stopped me for." Another refrain went, "How can a cricket bat be illegal?"
Poor sap actually thought that just being stopped by the police, for no reason at all, then trapped into admitting a "crime" that he had no idea about, was somehow underhanded. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic here!) I KNOW that he's had the thought, "Why didn't I just say I was going to play some cricket!!!" Sometimes the truth is not our friend, when laws are like this exist.
The Weapons Act is pretty thorough- CS (Tear gas) spray, pepper spray, slingshots, batons, knives, guns, cricket bats, etc.- all illegal to use for purposes of self defence unless you're an "authorized" person, which the average person is not. There are articles in the Act that render just about ANYTHING illegal, if used as a defensive weapon. (That includes walking sticks.) Most of the readers here are probably in possession of at least one knife that would be illegal just to have, let alone use.
If this guy had actually hit one of these "hoons" with the bat, he would be lucky if he got off with just a fine. He probably would've gone to jail. He probably also would have been sued by the hoons, and they would probably have won. Jury? What jury. Not always necessary under law here.
In England this kind of absurdity is even worse, so I think Agricola is in a bit of denial about the conditions there.
I know I'm sure glad I'm coming back to the US of A real soon!