He used FMJ because by law, he had to, all military does. In the military it is referred to as "hardball" and all small arms from pistols to rifles are hardball ammo when you are speaking military.
You use hollow points for self defense because it delivers more power and a larger wound channel, causing more damage trauma and stopping power. When it expands it gets much bigger and tears through more because of its shape. Imagine taking a pencil and stabbing it into your hand (ok, I am not advising you do this, just saying visualize for a moment, and yeah, I also realize it isn't 100% accurate but its the best I could think up on such short notice) visualize the differences of the pointy end and the eraser end but of a larger diameter pencil, one might cut deeper or go clean through but the other causes more damage and more of the energy is released in the target. All your premium self defense rounds are hollow points for a reason, they are what does it best.
As for the specific issues you addressed-
Lack of penetration-
Good well designed hollow points are designed to expand at a certain rate giving you the optimum mix of penetration and expansion. Going back to the pencil visualization above, imagine starting with the pointy end that transforms into the eraser end once it penetrates the skin. Good hollow points break skin, enter, and expand at a determined designed rate. A good premium hollow point gives very good penetration without over penetrating or going strait through your target.
Failure to expand-
This is really a problem with older or basic hollow points. When you are speaking premium self defense ammo like gold dots and other premium SD hollow points the expand more or less reliably. The problem is that they cavity can sometimes clog with clothing or tissue and not expand. Well engineered hollow points are designed to either not get clogged or expand regardless of being clogged or not.
Reliability-
True some guns dislike them, but I have yet to see a good gun that wont run through gold dots or other premium ammo as reliably as any other ammo type including FMJ.
It isn't irresponsible, but you are more likely to over penetrate especially if your gun is a smaller caliber fast round like a .357sig. This becomes a problem if there are bystanders that could be hit. It also is just generally considered a bad idea. You want to put your target down hard and fast with as few shots as possible*edit* and yeah, I know "shot placement is everything" but this isn't the range where you can always perfectly aim your shot. This is self defense and sometimes you need to get a shot off fast. I want to know that a shot that is off a few inches will put the target down just the same as one right through the heart. I wont trust my life to my being perfect. My being good yes, perfect no. *edit*. HP's do this better then FMJ. Civilians who want to defend themselves prefer it, most every law enforcement I can think of uses it, and if the military wasn't bound by redicules treaty they would be using them to...in fact I think some special forces are but I might be mistaken on that.