Wife wants guns gone; Alternative storage solutions?

[Atom Smasher]

You guys can discuss my marriage all you want, I'm not opposed to it. Doesn't mean I agree with most of what's been posted, but I felt like it was related to the thread. Besides, isn't discussion fun?

I was not a gun owner before I married her. In fact, my hobby is relatively recent (within the last year or two). That's why I'm not putting my foot down on keeping the guns in the house.

 

[Hanzo581]

What was her reaction when you bought your first new firearm? Did she give any indication of her aversion?

 

[Jorg Nysgerrig]

Gentlemen,

If you can't discuss this issue without resorting to chest-thumping machismo or unhelpful remarks, I suggest you move on to a different thread.

Thank you for your cooperation!

ETA: About a third of the thread was deleted prior to this message, for those playing along at home.

 

[Atom Smasher]

What was her reaction when you bought your first new firearm? Did she give any indication of her aversion?

Interestingly she found it a little silly more than anything. She asked why I needed one when I had all sorts of different guns at my disposal (I had been renting guns at the range), and after explaining the importance of cleaning the gun, maintaining the site, customization options, etc. she relented.

 

[MyGreenGuns]

Your post title says "Alternative storage solutions". I think a fair 'compromise' would be a gunsafe. I think you storing them offsite would be going too far. There is a difference.

I'm not tryin to chest thump, but you have to stand for something. Women do try to change you, and men we resist, thats the way it is.

If shooting recreationally IS part of who you are (or want to be) then dont let it go. (Was going to ask if you wanted to conceal carry, but noticed you're in TX) I think its the responsible 'manly' duty to have a loaded firearm for the rare sketchy situation; both at home and in public. I know it makes my girl feel safer when we walk the dogs at night and I'm armed. I know I sleep better knowing I can do something to protect us.

Talk to her about it. If you cant talk to her about everything, she isnt the one. You dont have to tell us what was talked about, just tell us what kind of safe you're getting. When you two are old and grey you can still bicker about how many guns you've collected or something new.

 

[Mike1234567]

Hey, Atom, if you have the funds at your disposal then maybe this is the perfect opportunity to build a detached man-cave!!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Man, if I had that kind of money, I'd just rent a Self Storage locker and stick a big unbreakable safe in it.

Not a bad idea, though. We've got a shed in the back I store my tools in- I wonder if I could put a safe in back there, it's got a concrete floor. I could probably bolt it down. Interesting... although climate control would probably be a problem (damn you Texas humidity!)

 

[ClickClickD'oh]

Completely different direction than I've seen suggested... Have you and your wife thought about her seeing a therapist? Her stress inducing reaction to firearms as you've said is a result of a potentially abusive individual. There's probably a lot more there that is also effecting your relationship without you knowing it. Might as well get straight to the root of the problem and work on that instead of dancing around it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

To be perfectly honest, I don't think we need it. Our marriage is pretty solid, there isn't anything that is taboo when we want to talk about things. It isn't that she's given me an ultimatum "guns or me", and she isn't avoiding talking about it, she's just uncomfortable. I don't want that. I want to be happy, and I want her to be happy. Off-site storage just seemed to be the best option. Although the safe-in-the-shed idea might be an interesting solution.

 

[Nushif]

To me the OP is in a situation where guns seem to be the sticking point but not the issue.

Some of the folks have pointed out that this is about trust and that counseling, an honest conversation or something along those lines would be valuable.
I can only agree. My wife has some baggage too, and some (at this point very mild) trust issues as well. Both are very minor because of some quality counseling that we both attended.

I can only recommend it.

Edit:

I think you may be in for a surprise at how much even a little bit of baggage affaects daily life and a relationship. after sitting in on some of these sessions I knew things about my wife I never would have without them. Involving a qualified third party to talk about things can be very, very enlightning and helpful.

 

[Mike1234567]

Regardless of whether there are deeper issues or not, you seem to want to make her feel more comfortable, and that's what I would do too.

Is your shed in pretty good shape? Solid construction, no rot, well sealed, good solid door? Personally, that would be my solution... at least until if/when the wife is more comfortable around firearms. You can always install a better door, dehumidifier, A/C, etc. Heck, if it's large enough you could convert that building to a full-blown hobby shack.

 

[whalerman]

Jorg, I think this discussion has continued in a pretty reasonable manner. Just one reader's opinion. Only one person seems to be "chest thumping" around here.

Atom, you don't tell us much about what she is willing to accept as a compromise. Are any of these suggestions going to be acceptable to her? If not, talking about safes, seperate rooms, even remote storage etc isn't going to meet your needs.

Some of the posters have suggested getting her out to the range. I think that's your only hope. She has to unlearn some of the things she thinks she knows.

 

[Nushif]

A solid gun safe is a beautiful sight by itself, too ... You could get one of those really nice ones with a little bit of inlay, too.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The shed is corrugated metal, concrete floor, and it keeps the humidity out pretty well. I would worry about the heat though.

 

[scythefwd]

When I got married, I told my wife this:
There will be guns in the house, you will know how to make them safe and how to handle them safely. I don't care if you shoot them, if you ever touch them, etc... but you will know how to handle them safely and how to make them safe.

I then pulled out each gun individually and made sure she knew how to clear them and had the rules of safety down pat. She goes shooting every once in a while, but I don't think she could care less either way.

What causes her fear? Ignorance of the guns, lack of familiarity? Irrational fears rarely are irrational. There is a base for the fear there and that will have to be addressed. I'd move the guns offsite until then, but make sure she knows they are coming back.

 

[El Mariachi]

I'm sure someone has already mentioned this earlier, but can you get her to spend a day With The Gals? Here's a pic from this weekend when we pulled up to our range-----two dozen young teenage gals from a church group, with about 5 moms, the pastor and two licensed instructors, letting them shoot everything from s/shot .22's up to a .30-.30. In one pic you can see the big Smurf doll that they brought along, as well a lot of paper and a lot of apples. I haven't seen that many smiles at the same time on young gals since Ricky Martin was around......












(and here's my wife and my daughter, who up until last May, didn't know a gun from a horse shoe. But now....they do. Point is, given the right circumstances, she just might find out that firearming is fun.... )

 

[ArfinGreebly]

Curious

I'm kinda curious here.

Not particularly related to storage, per se, but home defense.

What would her view be on keeping a single pistol in the house on your person or, at night, on/in the nightstand for the singular purpose of home protection?

Or is that too much like "having guns around?"

 

[Mike1234567]

(partial quote) Jorg, I think this discussion has continued in a pretty reasonable manner. Just one reader's opinion. Only one person seems to be "chest thumping" around here.

This thread was cleaned up quite a bit. If you haven't been following from the beginning then you missed some stuff.

 

[Jim Watson]

I am not married, so I am not qualified to tell the OP how to balance gun ownership and marriage but please, Mariachi, get your daughter some shooting glasses. Some for your wife, too, those rimless specs aren't all that much protection.

And your girls club looks an awful lot like a forest fire retardant air drop.
Ah, now it's better. They need glasses, too.

 

[Atom Smasher]

When I got married, I told my wife this:
There will be guns in the house, you will know how to make them safe and how to handle them safely. I don't care if you shoot them, if you ever touch them, etc... but you will know how to handle them safely and how to make them safe.

I then pulled out each gun individually and made sure she knew how to clear them and had the rules of safety down pat. She goes shooting every once in a while, but I don't think she could care less either way.

What causes her fear? Ignorance of the guns, lack of familiarity? Irrational fears rarely are irrational. There is a base for the fear there and that will have to be addressed. I'd move the guns offsite until then, but make sure she knows they are coming back.

I like this a lot. I haven't actually sat down with her and proposed it like this- the whole "I don't care if you shoot, but you'll know how to make the gun safe" idea. I've only encouraged her to come out to the range with me. I'll definitely bring this up next time we talk.

As for off-site storage, anyone from the greater Austin/Pflugerville area have any ideas? I'll welcome a PM.

 

[Jim Watson]

It would be nice if there were a THRer in the area who could take you and your wife to the range with his wife/girlfriend/daughter/mother.

 

[Nushif]

[le rantage]

but please, Mariachi, get your daughter some shooting glasses. Some for your wife, too, those rimless specs aren't all that much protection

Am I seriously the only person on the planet who didn't just take a short look at the pictures, think "nifty" and move on?
I understand good safety practices, I really do, but I dont make it a habit to zoom in on every last gun picture, discern small details and actively look for minor safety problems to point out.
It seems in every last picture people post about shooting, someone rolls around with their zoom tool who can find the reflection of a guy six lanes down from the subject with a stainless revolver who isn't wearing triplicate industrial safety glasses and then promptly says they need better safety practices for being at a range with someone who is "unsafe."

[fin rantage]

 

[El Mariachi]

Jim Watson
Member


Join Date: December 24, 2002
Posts: 14,269

I am not married, so I am not qualified to tell the OP how to balance gun ownership and marriage but please, Mariachi, get your daughter some shooting glasses. Some for your wife, too, those rimless specs aren't all that much protection.

And your girls club looks an awful lot like a forest fire retardant air drop.

1). You are so right, and we did get some glass on the daughter before she shot that .223 (actually this was taken on our road trip last month, in S/Carolina---some real nice guys just suddenly offered to let us try that thing. Took a while to figure out that cool scope).


2). You, fine Sir, have either really good eyes----or ESP. Which is it? Cuz this is what happened about 30 minutes after the upper pics were taken....

(either a ricochet or an errant shot from the long range---arson investigators are still trying to figure out which)

 

[M1key]

When my wife and I were dating, she was thrilled that I was a firearms instructor and owned several. She also said if I didn't look at pretty women from time to time, she might think I wasn't normal.

The cost of a marriage license? 50 bucks. A wife who will sit in the shop on a Saturday afternoon and help you sort brass? Priceless.

M

 

[Jim Watson]

I don't either, Nushif.
But when I see a full screen picture - no zoom required - of somebody specifically presented as a good example of a shooter but with no eye protection, I feel free to point it out. I have been hit about the face and head with hot brass, sharp bullet fragments, and blazing powder granules entirely too many times to let it lie. So bugger off, mate.


Mariachi, you mean the fire being dropped on was at the range? Hard to imagine a fire starting in that rock pile, whether from an errant shot (with what, API?) or even arson.