Wife's First Gun period. Building confidence

[mewachee]

I want to start with the understanding that I am not attempting to be condescending.

Today, we picked up an sp101 in .357.

I know that there are many threads on helping the wife get weapons, and what is best for her, and how she should be in charge of the decisions. I am more interested in how to help her to get from nervous and mousy around her new gun, to having confidence in carrying, defensive thinking and shooting.

I am looking for your list, 1 through ..., A to Z, whatever.

Background is as follows. She needs to think she is doing this, and not me. She needs to own it. This is not a high priority for her. She is kind of playing along. She is generally nervous around guns, but willing to learn. I have looked for woman only training, but haven't had much luck. I have checked the NRA website for local classes, but nothing relatively close.

Today is a good start, and I don't want to turn her away from this.

 

[lanternlad1]

Yes, it is a good start, BUT I'd start her out shooting a .22. They're quieter, easier to learn, a LOT more fun to shoot for a novice, and ammo is cheap to learn with. Save the SP101 for later, when she gets comfy with the whole shooting process. Start her on a .22 rifle to get her used to shooting in general, then a .22 handgun to get her used to shooting a handgun (which is quite different from a rifle), then the Ruger (but load it with .38 before she tackles .357).

My wife is much like yours, doesn't like loud noises, not big into guns, especially handguns, "plays along". But she LOVES shooting her Ruger 10/22, and now carries a Smith 642.

That said, be patient. offer little advice, answer all questions you can. And be prepared to spend more on guns while she figures out what she will carry better as soon as she figures out the SP101 is too heavy/big to fit in her purse. Then she gets a new gun, and you get the Ruger! Everyone wins!

You also might try www.corneredcat.com for more advice. Its website by a woman shooter, for women shooters.

Good Luck

 

[mewachee]

Thanks, but there is a defense aspect here. She shoots a 22 auto, my son's 22 rifle, even my .270.

She is becoming more aware of her need to protect herself. Interest is there. She is just weary.

On the other hand, I am all or nothing, and tend to push too hard. Also, the revolver is only one aspect of this, I want to help her to think defensively.

For instance, a while back she was shopping at Walmart late in the evening, like tonight, and she had our 11 month old with her. A guy who looked strange to her, commented on the baby, which was fine. But then, everywhere she went, there he was. He would come up to her and touching the baby. Many times he would cross her comfort level. After checking out, she found him to be to close again when she was walking to the car. She got in the car, drove home, all was well. she didn't know to turn back into the store. She couldn't back up a demand to back away?

Of course this may have been benign, but she felt powerless either way.

She is fine shooting the .38's, the point is to help her to feel safer with it, than without it.

 

[mewachee]

Also, I found that corneredcat.com the other day. I think is great. That is part of the internet that doesn't come up when you search for it, but is exactly what you were looking for. I actually sent my wife the link earlier tonight. Good advice.

 

[RobertFBurnett]

+1 for corneredcat.com I'm a 265lb male shooter...and I find interesting things on there, I recommend it ANYTIME I hear the words woman/wife/daughter and shooter in the same thread. There are just things on there that I would never think of.

This may sound silly, once upon a time me and my girlfriend went shooting on a "date," anyhow she HATED the Ruger .357...and the range employee wouldn't let us switch down to a .22, He insisted that "this was the gun he always taught women on" and he even shot it upside down to show how easy it could be...none of these things helped my girlfriend squeeze the trigger and we ended up leaving shortly thereafter. It was the noise that was getting to her.

Maybe its the noise getting to her? A longer barrel .357 shooting soft .38s will let her ease into the proverbial pool a little easier?

Could be wrong, my $0.02

RFB

 

[Master Blaster]

Look around for some .38 spl target velocity wadcutters, if you know somone who reloads ask them to make some up for you, if not they are avialible commercially as well.

They will be easier to shootin the SP101, she can get magnums later.

Start her out at 5 yards, plugs and ear muffs.

 

[Drail]

Don't forget the safety glasses. I'm glad that your wife understands why people need these tools. A Ruger SP 101 is an excellent choice. I wouldn't push the magnum loads with that gun until she's real comfortable with it. A good .38 spl. in skilled hands is usually sufficient unless she's dealing with a real zombie. I used to teach NRA classes filled with women and even though most of the instructors are men they are sensitive to the ladies needs. Women are so much easier to teach than men. The cornered cat website is excellent. She is to be commended for her efforts.

 

[Pilot]

My wife picked her own pistol out before we took a handgun self defense course. I of course let her shoot every semi-auto I owned and then she picked a revolver instead, an S&W 642 with Crimson Trace laser grips. Its a bit of a handful to shoot, but its great to carry and with light .38 Spl target loads is fine for a little range work. I reload so can download them for her for practice. I agree, have her start with a .22 and work up. Get her earplugs AND ear muffs. My wife and I use both because there seems someone at the range always has to shoot a .44 Magnum near us. The noise can be very distracting and fatiguing.

 

[Total Eclipse]

Maybe having her spend time with the gun other than at the range would help. Instruct her on how to care for the gun to get her to be more comfortable with it. Include her on window shopping trips. If you reload, try to show her how it is done. I think these are steps in the right direction.

 

[mewachee]

Getting use to the idea

The information/list I am looking for, is the steps you think will help her get used to the idea of having her own gun and carrying her own gun. But not just that, I want tell help her to have well earned confidence.

Total Eclipse, I think you'r get the point of my question. The rest of you are giving great help, but slightly off subject. The choice of gun is important, but we are past that. The choice of ammo is more important, I agree. She shot medium 38's, and was fine with those, she liked it. She shot one 357, decided to hold off on those.

Those of you bringing up the noise, thanks. That is one of those considerations that were beyond me. With hunting and military experience, I just forgot what that was all about. I remember the first time I forgot my earplugs back in the barracks, that was the last. It was the night fire range were they fire tracers over your head. Those were some expensive cigarette butts that night.

 

[mewachee]

As far as shooting goes. I like the target load idea. I haven't bought the dies yet, but maybe I should. I fear helping her to get use to the soft, to the point were she wouldn't want to ever go with defense 38's or +p's. I don't care if she ever gets used to the 357's. The standard grips with the 357 bit me a little, but I like it that way.

What do you think of shooting target loads at 8.5 in x 11 in targets, and defense 38 +p at silhouettes?

 

[Hobie]

Every woman I know who started carrying concealed had one over-riding reason which you mentioned. Their child(ren). Keeping them safe, being there to watch them grow up.

I recently made a number of suggestions to a friend for himself and his wife. Among those was the SP101 in .357 but loaded with even the 100 gr. wadcutters to start. Better than a .22 but nowhere near as intimidating to a new shooter as the .357 Mags. Heck, I don't like the 125 gr. .357 Mag loads and I shoot .44 Mags and have been doing so for many years.

But you're right in that it is mindset that is the most important thing and that is a tough thing to teach without harping. Your wife isn't in boot camp and you need to remember that and it can be tough to do so.

The thing that bothers me is that she couldn't adapt to the circumstances (but apparently did tell you about them) in the WalMart incident. As a hunter, you want prey that can't adapt but as prey (and she is) failure to adapt, to recognize danger and to react is sometimes fatal. I'd hate to see that but for some it appears to be hard-wired...

No matter what you need to be patient, lacking that you could create long lasting problems of many kinds. You have my prayers and best wishes.

 

[22-rimfire]

Definitely shoot only 38spls for practice. I doubt she will like the full powered 357's. Recoil will turn off a new shooter.

When I first started shooting, I purchased a 357 Python and was not happy at all with the recoil. So, I parked it and shot 22's for years.

Get her good hearing protection. Shooting gloves also sometimes help.

Starting with a 22 is a better way to start out new shooters. They build confidence, low cost to shoot, and do not have recoil that would bother most people.

Added: After she gets more accustomed to shooting, the size of the SP101 may be a tad heavy to carry in her purse. Look at the Smith 642/442 or perhaps the new Ruger LCP 380. Lots more recoil, but it is specifically for protection and not joy to shoot. It certainly would have made her feel better at Walmart (just having it).

 

[mewachee]

I asked her about the size of the gun, the sound of the blast and the amount of recoil. She said she doesn't have any problems with them

 

[Heat-Packin' Momma]

I have two handguns. I have a .38 special that I love, as well as a Bersa .380. Both are small and aren't too tough on the shooting aspect. I would carry the revolver more often, but it only carries 5, which the bersa carries 7 or 8. Every dealer I asked said the Bersa is a HUGE seller with the ladies, and a lot of beginners really take to them. THey're small, not too powerful, and pretty good purchase for the price. Mine was 280. I'd just take her to a shooting range and let her try some out though. It's how I took to shooting handguns. Just a tip though, if she gets her concealed license, ask what she should test on. In Texas if you test with a revolver, that's ALL you can carry. But with an auto on your test you can carry either. Sounds crazy, but if you ever want to put your auto or something in her purse, no can do.And who knows, she might want one anyways.

 

[mewachee]

Thanks, Idaho is different. For the most part, you just need to be a good guy to get the ccw. They want you to have had some kind of weapons training, and to fill out an application, they do the rest. Basically, if you can by the a gun or rifle, you can carry.

My only complaint here is the restrictions of where you can go. For the most part it is better here than elsewhere.

Like I said earlier, I wish the nra would get their classes going here. I can get here a gun training that will suffice, but we all need more than a 4 hour class.

 

[ArchAngelCD]

There is so much to go over but I know the others will fill in most of the points. One point that is usually overlooked is the fact that a woman's body is different than a man's when it comes to holster design. Far too many women have trouble carrying or are always uncomfortable carrying because they are using the wrong holster and never know it's the holster which is the problem and not them. Here are a few sites which might help in choosing a holster.

Fist has a LadyFist Holsters page.

Cunningham Custom has some information and products for women.

Galco also has a section dedicated to women's holsters. (but I'm not all that sure about their choices)

A friend's wife uses a holster named NSP, "The Nancy Special" from Mitch Rosen. (click on "holsters" and then click "on-the-belt" and you will see it half way down the page) It is highly recommended for use by women.

There are many others but I think these will be a good start so your wife could get an idea of the different choices of holsters available for her.

 

[mewachee]

This is a good consideration. We were looking last night for a holster for in camp, because we camp in bear country. Didn't consider that hips would be an issue. I think for conceal, she wants a purse that has an outside pocket. I was looking the galco purse. I could buy her another gun for that price.

 

[ArchAngelCD]

A purse is probably the worse carry option IMO. When a mugger wants a quick score they will grab a woman's purse. Once they snatch her purse they have her ID, address, keys to the house and a gun to rob you with in your own home. Even if they don't run after snatching her purse but they intend on doing her harm, they have her gun and she has no way of protecting herself. Also, a purse is usually put down when in the house. This leaves the gun unattended and with children in the house that's never a good thing. She should keep her gun on her body at all times so that she always has control of her weapon. I also feel drawing from a purse is slow compared to drawing from a holster.

You are telling us you want your wife to become at ease handling a handgun. Carrying a handgun in a purse separates her from the weapon and will not aid her to become comfortable handling it.

I doubt you would consider carrying a handgun in a briefcase instead of somewhere on your body, I know I wouldn't. If that's true, what would make you think her carrying is a purse would be a good idea?

 

[Guillermo]

There is a lot of good advice that you have received here. I have taught several women to shoot and all (save one) were excellent students.
It seems like a higher percentage of women are only comfortable with revolvers. Buy REALLY good ear protection and get her some nice shooting glasses. (women like their accessories)
If she is only happy with 38’s, go with that in a large frame 357. Leave some magnum rounds out and see if she gravitates to them. You never can tell. My current wife will shoot 38’s all day. My 14 year old daughter will shoot up the 357 first and then settle for the 38’s.
If she has fun with it she will get comfortable. It might be no time till you get kid duty while she goes to the range.