Wives and guns

[Trent]

OK, I'm trying to unravel a 10 year old issue with my wife here, and soliciting advice.

Let me preface this by saying that my wife is a wonderful person, and I couldn't imagine a better person for spending my life with.

But we haven't ever seen eye-to-eye on the gun thing.

She doesn't ever really complain about my firearms, except when I don't clean up after myself. But she's always shown zero interest in firearms, shooting, etc. It bothers me a little, because I'd really like for her to be able to effectively use them to defend herself if I'm away. But she has almost zero practice (she's fired maybe 10 rounds of ammo since we've been together), never accepts my invitations to go to the shooting range, never expresses an interest in any conversations about guns, etc.

We were having a (rare) conversation about guns late last night, and I think I finally gained some insight in to the root issue. She made an offhanded comment during our talk about "you know why I don't like guns, they're so confusing! I mean, you have a Glock, right? Why can't people call it "Glock ammo" or whatever, instead of something point something something, or whatever caliber. That makes no sense to me. I mean, these things should be color coded or something. I shouldn't have to wonder what ammo goes with this gun, or know that this one takes seven point six two something rather, or what magazine fits with what gun."

BINGO.

She doesn't know anything, is afraid to ask for fear of looking "dumb" about it.

I said "we can solve this problem by learning about one gun at a time. You don't have to learn everything in a day."

But, she was non-committal.

Now, before I run around today with colored-dot-stick-ons to put on all the guns, magazines, and ammo for her...

... Would appreciate some input.

Any of you ever been in a similar situation where a person is against doing something because they are afraid of appearing "stupid" about the topic? (She's not stupid, obviously, far from it. I think she just doesn't want to appear stupid about something.)

I realize that this is all probably pretty intimidating for her, and my own personality quirks probably doesn't go a long way towards helping this along.

I'd love to turn this problem around and (gradually) get my wife more involved with firearms. Her organizational skills would prove invaluable in the hobby. (I often forget I've already bought something and buy more when it's not needed; powder, primers, magazines, whatever....)

Anyway, hope I can get some advice here.

 

[Jorg Nysgerrig]

Have you considered that she might just not give a damn about your gun hobby and simply doesn't care to learn? If someone is truly interested in something, that person will take the time to learn about it and figure out the nuances. If not, there will be plenty of excuses why they aren't into it.

 

[berettaprofessor]

Bingo, Jorg has it. Why, pray tell, are you insistent on forcing your hobbies on your wife?

Mine uses Facebook, I don't. Mine watches cooking shows incessantly, I don't. Mine likes the Kardashians. I just feel sorry for Bruce Jenner.

You have your hobbbies, she has hers. They don't always have to coincide. Trust me, I'm past 30 years of marriage and haven't been tossed out yet.

 

[Steel Horse Rider]

I started my wife on a Ruger 10/22. Simple point and shoot technology and you can have instant gratification when things jump, clang, or fall at a 25 yard range. If she is interested once she masters the concept then you can move into calibers and other variables. Maybe a simple explanation using the automobile industry as an example might help. All Fords are not pickup trucks, all Chryslers are not sedans, and they all use different size tires might be a place to start.....

 

[MarshallDodge]

Get her in touch with other ladies that like to shoot.

My wife was not real interested in guns until about 12 years ago. She would go with me shooting and enjoyed it but wasn't really excited about it. One day she found a flyer at the gun shop that a ladies shooting group had left. She attended one of their events and jumped in with both feet.

The NRA Women on Target program is a good way to get ladies into the sport.

 

[mg.mikael]

Have to agree with Jorg on this one, it seems your wife simply isn't interested in guns and your firearm interests in general. I'm sure your not interested in your wife's designer shoes and purses, would you want her pressuring you to go to more clothing stores and learning about different designer labels? Probably not... so why would you want to pressure her into going to the range or joining a woman's shooting club.

As for what your wife said, "I shouldn't have to wonder what ammo goes with this gun," that's true, one shouldn't wonder if you take the time to learn. If you take the time to learn, your wife will realize that calling ammo for a Glock, "Glock ammo" would be like calling batteries for a tv remote, "remote batteries." Simply said that's illogical, because there is different ammo just as there are different batteries. Basically what I'm trying to say is your wife simply doesn't want to learn.....would something change her mind, I don't have an answer for that, unfortunately most people don't change their mind until after something bad happens and that's the last thing anyone wants.

 

[TurtlePhish]

My girlfriend was afraid to come to the range for her first time shooting because she thought she'd get judged for not knowing anything about guns. The solution was teaching her little bits here and there and finally getting her to actually come to the range. She fired some .22lr, 5.45x39, 7.62x54r, and .17HMR and was hooked. She's actually done a bit of learning on her own now. I'm proud of her.

Trent, I suggest you just get her to try it out, teach her a little bit, etc. If she's afraid of ammo/gun confusion, start her with several .22s or something. That way there's no way she'll mix anything up. Everything always starts with the first small step.

 

[Trent]

There's no doubt she doesn't have an interest in guns.

I'm not trying to turn her in to the Tomb Raider, or the character Reba McEntire played in the movie Tremors.

I just want her to become proficient enough to defend herself in my absence, and know enough about the firearms to safely handle guns in my absence if it were required.

When I say she has no interest in firearms, I'm talking zero.

She has no idea how to load, check, or clear a firearm to see if it's safe. She wouldn't even know how to operate the safety of any of the handguns here. (Both of which are inherently dangerous, IMO)

(My 15 year old knows how to safely handle, load, unload, etc - but he's only going to be around for a few more years before going off to university).

 

[Fremmer]

Use the chance to get outside and have fun with a .22 lr. If she has fun hitting reactive targets, that's good enough!

 

[TurtlePhish]

Oh. Well, that changes things.

Explain to her the importance of basic proficiency, even if there isn't interest.

Show her some examples of robberies, etc. that could have been stopped with a firearm, along with some that HAVE been stopped with firearms.

Fear tactics may seem kind of low, but that's really the most basic way to show the why of needing to be able to operate firearms.

 

[Trent]

OK still working on this.

"Why don't you like going shooting?"

"Very ---- boring. And I'm a girl, so anyone else there will stop and watch because I'm a girl."

"What if you went shooting with girls?"

"NO that's worse. Girls are competitive and make fun of you for years."

 

[MedWheeler]

If she's not interested in browsing the reading material (some of which is downright humorous and would probably at least pique some curiosity) at cornercat.com, then there isn't much else you're gonna ever be able to do.

I'd skip the "fear tactics", but would still casually mention news stories from time to time in which successful firearms-defenses occur, just not while the conversation is already on guns.

 

[TurtlePhish]

Hrm. Don't know how you can fix "boring". Any idea what about it bores her?

 

[Trent]

"What if we shot at something besides paper, reactive targets?"

"That depends. If I can't hit what I aim at and there's no reaction then I'll get frustrated and 'not-so-nice-Jami' will appear"

So that's a maybe....

 

[mg.mikael]

Fear tactics may seem kind of low, but that's really the most basic way to show the why of needing to be able to operate firearms.

Personally, I don't quite agree with that. Tying to scare your wife and/or putting fear into her isn't going to suddenly spark her interest in learning basic gun handling. It might even lead to more reluctance with regards to her learning about using a gun for self-defense.

Let's face it if she didn't want to learn how to handle a gun when your kid was 5, why would she want to learn gun handling now that your kid is 15 and can handle a gun by themselves.

 

[hso]

The guns probably aren't the problem, but your yammering about them so much probably is.

Anyone that isn't interested in a hobby finds folks "too" into it tiresome to the point of wrecking any aspect of it.

You should simply accept she isn't interested, swear to get your obsession out of her face, and ask if she'd at least take a basic firearm safety class from a professional so you're more comfortable with her being able to use a particular firearm safely to protect herself. Promis to not go with her, quiz her, or ask her to go to the range...and to quit boring/annoying her with your "mistress".

 

[Trent]

HSO, I read your post to her out loud just now.

She says "I find it funny I've been telling you that exact thing for years and it takes a stranger for you to believe what I've been saying"

Unfortunately I think HSO hit the nail squarely on the head.

 

[jerinco]

i feel your pain. my wife never showed any interest in guns for about 12yrs of us being together. one day we went out to a gun shop and she started looking at all the pretty pink pistols. so i had her hold some of them she didnt like the way any of them felt. finally she tried a walther p22 and like the way it felt so i bought it. when we got home i started showing her how it worked. how to clean it, how to load it. basiclly any thing i could think of. we went out in our back yard and shot some rounds through it. at first she said it was just ok. every now and then i would ask if she wanted to shoot it. some times she would other times it was a no. this went on for about a yr. really long story short she loves shooting now and has her own xd 9mm and enjoys shooting pistols and rifles now im working on getting her out hunting with me. oh by the way i also bought her a bow some time after i got the walther. she started her bow a lot then came her intrest in guns. it was a long process for me and sounds like your in the same boat i was in. GOOD LUCK. Its all up to her though, she has to be willing to give it an honest try and who knows she might begin to enjoy it or maybe not.

 

[WNTFW]

Trent,
Maybe your wife just know herself. She knows what she likes & doesn't.

Think about when someone tries to tell you will like something you know you just aren't into. Know really you will like dance lessons, a cruise, casino, or what ever.

 

[Trent]

Dang I just got unloaded on!

"And I can understand that you want experience shooting in extreme weather but it shouldn't be every time; you only want to go shooting when it's 100+ degrees out or snowing or raining or sleeting with the wind blowing 40 miles an hour in subzero temperatures ..."

"you never just want to go shooting when it's 75 and comfortable..."

 

[OptimusPrime]

Trent, I had that exact same problem with my lady. Worse, she had been exposed to some bad experiences (alcoholic father with threats) and I was afraid that she wouldn't be able to overcome that, or even if I should try.

HSO's advice is spot on.

What I did was I bought her an hour's worth of instruction from a range safety officer as a Christmas present. What I learned accidentally was that my wife was just sick of MY way of explaining things. I dropped her off at the range with her little gift certificate and I came back an hour later. She had a target to show me and proceeded to yap my ear off about how he taught her this, and that, and went slow, and explained so nicely, blah-blah. (nothing different than I had tried to tell her, but it was me saying it so she was sick of hearing it. I don't know, I think I have a pleasant voice.... )

So I learned 3 things:
1- Having a different person explains things is a good approach and makes some people listen better and more receptively.
2- I also learned that my wife, with her bad experiences, really liked the idea of mechanical safeties on a pistol. I realized that I had been pushing a revolver exclusively for ease of use (no safeties, easy right?). But it was the safeties and the act of having a mechanical obstacle that made it more comfortable for her. Huh.
3- If you ever get an hour of range time for your wife as a Christmas present, make sure that you offset that with something remarkably feminine like jewelry or flowers. I didn't have a brain back then and I spent a lot on the range time, so I thought that would suffice as her "big present." Nope. She still makes fun of me for that one.

So good luck; I'd recommend the hour of range time from someone who she doesn't know. I'd say it worked great and she is now comfortable, which was my goal. Now, my wife carries every day.

 

[Lucifer_Sam]

Just make a deal with her. If she'll learn the basics of a revolver, you'll do something for her that she wants. Take her to a nice place, do some landscaping, something like that.

 

[Trent]

"and you don't let me just have fun you run your mouth about 'hold it this way' or 'do this' or 'do that' and it strips all of the fun out of it"

"that it's a bit hurtful that you can't remember that I used to go shooting with you all the time and stopped when we had Raven because your mouth got in the way, you started taking it all way too serious..."

Oh the hole I've dug myself here...

 

[Trent]

"and if I ask questions about it you get all cranky about it because you know it all and assume everyone else should know it all too"

This is quickly devolving. I've been quiet and she just keeps unloading on me.

SEND BACKUP! Lol she's in a rare state now.

 

[Trent]

OK Deal struck.

Lucifer Sam had the winning strategy.

Every hour of house work (or errands like shopping) I do for her, she'll go to the range to receive training with me.

I have to do the house work in advance, and if I incur a debt (more time at the range than I've "paid" for with house work), I have to make up the debt plus earn more "range time" with her prior to the next range trip.