World's Funniest Fake Soldiers...

[effengee]

I've read several posts here and on other forums about those scum of humanity, those useless grubs that claim to be ex-military spec-ops...
I was wondering how many here have outed one of these idiots due to their total lack of firearms knowledge. Please share...

My personal favorite was when a guy tried to convince me and some friends he was a Marine sniper in Iraq and how he had killed two Iraqi's with one shot.
Get this: He said they were leaning in close to light cigarettes off the same lighter, so he put a round from his specially-made .50 BMG sniper rifle right "between" these two guy's faces and how the bullet actually ripped their faces off as it whizzed by them... He actually aimed to miss.
When I laughed and said: "Yeah, pull my other leg and it plays jingle bells"
he actually launched into an incoherent dissertation on how it was ballistically possible to near miss a target and yet still cause damage from the "Sonic concussion". When I finished telling him about the guy who had a 105mm howitzer shell pass between his legs with no "sonic concussion" damage that was worse than bruising, he stated that that was different, I sighed and then a man with a WW2 veteran hat on stepped up behind the guy and said to me and my friends:
"Boys, you better save yer watches 'cause the poop done already filled yer boots."
We laughed and the "sniper" escaped and evaded...

 

[Rustynuts]

They actually are developing weapons based on that, but they tend to be BOMBS not bullets. Saw a show on Future Weapons I think where they had a bomb/mortar that would explode near an armored tank and if the hatch was up the concussion would kill the crew without having to defeat the actual armor.

 

[JoseM]

Not really the same, but close....back in college (at NCSU in Raleigh), there were two kids saying that they just got weekend leave from Basic Training and were hitting on my girlfriend. Well, I was in the Army National Guard at the time and actually was an officer (OCS - which means you can get your commission before you graduate).

I watched from a "safe" distance because my girlfriend was asking what their "MOS" was and was asking other pertinent questions. Like, why was your hair so long, where you were stationed, how you got leave DURING basic training. Oh, the army doesn't have a basic training location in North Carolina...so that was another "one".

I just sat back and laughed and wondered why anyone would lie about being away from BT?! That's not impressive, at least say they just got back from some secret deployment overseas!!!

 

[BHP FAN]

I did my four years as a Squid many years ago,my kid brother is a combat medic in Iraq.My uncle was a col in the Cav in 'Nam,my grandfather was a WWII navy capt,my great-grandfather served in the Confederate army. Fake soldiers are sick,sad little men.

 

[JT in VA]

I always have more respect for the vets who say I loaded trucks or stood a post but I did it well than for the fake GI Joes who claim to be super commandos but never served. I suspect the guys who have seen a bunch of killing and dieing don't speak of it much. Thank God for them though.

 

[longdayjake]

I bet that half of the special ops peoples that get outed are some form of ex military type. I have personally had to argue velocities, caliber, and even the differences of .223 and 5.56 to an army Lt. I think that sometimes the military tells the guys that they are the best in the world so much that eventually they start to believe it. Though our army is great, not all of them are professional gun experts. Whether it relates to guns or whatever you can usually find an ex military guy that knows everything because he was once in the military.

about whether or not the bullets of a .50 bmg could kill you just by being close, I would ask someone how they just make 1/2" holes in thin little pieces of paper instead of tearing it to pieces.

 

[DeathByCactus]

We used to sit out at the smoke pit at my old community college before I transferred to a University. There was a kid, rich kid (real rich), who had some serious family issues. Anyway, he was out there telling everyone how he was in Iraq and got shot in the back a few times and the bullets had passed through him and he had gotten skin grafts to fix it so there were no marks.

Well, I argued every point of logic to prove he was an idiot. However, I lacked the finishing blow, the hilarity shot. I was friends with the local recruiter, Sgt. Kelly, and I told him about the BS that this dude came up with. So, he was like let me talk to him.

This is during the more crowded time when people are rotating out of class. Sgt. Kelly comes over, "Hey soldier, I hear you served in Iraq,' Sgt. Kelly says, 'what unit were you in? what was your MOS? Who was your CO? Where were you stationed? What were you equipped with? How long were you in for? Where did they send you before you deployed to Iraq?'" These were among the many questions that nailed his tomb of failure shut.

He tried, he really did try to look truthful... It finally came down to, "I don't know what to tell you man, I was there..." I was laughing so hard I had to walk away. He never made up army BS again... other BS, just not army BS. Which I still called him out on all the time

 

[DAVIDSDIVAD]

one of the security guards at Del Mar College in Corpus Christi was always telling my friends about how he was a "special forces" guy the year before, and his rent a cop job was just temporary.

 

[jerkface11]

I used to work with a guy who was an Army Ranger sniper when we invaded Panama. His rifle was a semi automatic Browning A-bolt in .50bmg that the army let him take with him when he retired.

 

[pappy]

I suspect the guys who have seen a bunch of killing and dieing don't speak of it much.

Very true, my Dad was such a person. I knew he had been in the army and had served in WWII, but he absolutley refused to discuss it. When he passed away, I was extremley surprised when the Army did a full deal funeral for him. As the oldest son, I recieved his service records, more medals than you could imagine, my Dad was a real bad a$$, and I never knew it.

 

[gripper]

This brings back memories of the guy I met on a bus trip after (11B10)AIT at Benning...I was 18,he was about 25...and he regaled me with his "Viet Nam experiences"...I think he must hav eserved in an operation so secret that he was deployed byears before his mother conceived him

 

[Treo]

There was a guy(who shall remain nameless however if I said the initials Texas Skyhawk you'd know who I meant) that used to post here that told every body what a hardcore Seal he was and about all his medals and just what a general bad *** he was. He mentioned his stellar service career in every single post. One day one of the Mods asked him very politely to put up or shut up and he disappeared. He's not posted (under that name) since.

 

[ruger_dude]

Quote:
I suspect the guys who have seen a bunch of killing and dieing don't speak of it much.
,
My Dads the same way, the only reason I really know about his service record in 'Nam was from his brother who also served and my father confided in him about what he had seen.

 

[Birddog1911]

In my time, I have had the pleasure to work with true "operators" from all branches, and a couple of different countries. I have counted a couple more as friends than aquantances(sp). None of them ever bragged themselves up; always silent professionals. When someone brags about being a Seal or Green Beret, I pretty much know it's BS.

Oh, and I am NOT an operator. I just got to haul them from point A to crap spot point B, or vice versa.

 

[RippinSVT]

I have never served my country, as I was medically-DQ'd on some bull**** a few years back while applying to the AF pilot program in AFROTC. That being said, I can't STAND people who disgrace our nation's REAL heros. My father was a 30-year AF colonel, one grandfather was in espionage against the Nazis in the Army Air Corps, the other watched his ship sink and his buddies burn in the water after his ship was hit by a German U-boat torpedo when he was 16 years old (faked his aged). My great-grandfather fought in the forests and trenches of Alsace-Lorain in WWI, and distant grandfathers fought in the Civil War.

The military and respect for our nation's men is in my blood, and I feel violated when somebody fakes their service to look good. It makes a mockery of the guys who really did go through some stuff. My father-in-law was in heavy combat in Vietnam, and never speaks of it to anyone but me it seems,and only when he's had a few beers. He talks about how the guys who went through it never bring it up, and the guys on the sidelines are all of a sudden bragging MOH winners.

 

[Eightball]

Had a guy come into work once, claimed he was some kinda mix between specops, a medic, and mechanic, that would fly with the chopper in case there were problems in-flight (if there's problems, why is it in the air?), and lob 40mm rounds from his M203 to cover the paratrooping medics he watched over. Claimed he had been in afghanistan for a while. The opener for his conversation was that he was curious what an M16/M203, M60, and various other goodies would go for, as "they let [him] keep them when he finished his tour of duty." While stifling a laugh, I politely informed him of his massive, you're-spending-the-rest-of-your-life-in-federal-prison type "error," he realized that I was not one to be so easily fooled by his wannabe stories.

Eventually, after defending himself for a while, he let slip that he was only in ROTC at the local college, whereupon I couldn't help but audibly snicker a bit.

 

[John Wayne]

My experience has been that those who have done something which most idiots brag about and claim to have done (being in SF, taking a life) don't talk about it.

My neighbor of 15 years took part in the invasion of Normandy. To this day, I have heard him speak of it once, and that was only after someone else asked. It was not a long conversation.

 

[Golden Hound]

I will NEVER for the life of me understand why people lie about things like that. How can they possibly feel good about it? There's no pride to be had in bragging about something fake. You'd have to be a real snake to do it.

 

[mike724]

zone of my best friends says he was a SAEL, but when I showed him my AR-15, he asked me to show him how to operate it!!!!
Sould I loan him money?

 

[Gord]

I was wondering how many here have outed one of these idiots due to their total lack of firearms knowledge.

I guess the entire thread would be OT without that line, but dude, a lot of military personnel have no real firearms knowledge outside of what they're taught in Basic. Shooting guns for a living does not always translate into shooting guns as a hobby, and .mil guys are just as prone as anyone else to believe the wild tales about .45 blowing your arm or leg clean off on a toe shot, or whatever.

It's a much more reliable indicator when they have no knowledge of military practices and procedures.

 

[johncantiusgarand]

There are those who never served but like to claim they did. Then there are those who served in a non-combat capacity who make up stories about all the combat they saw or the people they killed. I served two tours in Iraq--one in combat arms and one in support. I made it through both without being shot at, blown up, or having to shoot at anyone. There was some apprehension at times, but neither I nor anyone around me ever came under direct attack. However, that didn't stop some of them from seeking disability related to "combat stress" when we got home. And I've no doubt that even more have regaled their friends, family and co-workers with tall tales of combat.

It probably didn't help that both times I returned we were treated to ceremonies and presentations that called us "heroes". This nation is doing a great job of honoring its military in a way it never did during the Vietnam war. And I was touched by all the support. But I found it embarassing, too. I just wished that we could have been recognized for our service and whatever sacrifices we'd made without the term "hero" being used. There are some real heroes being made every day overseas, but neither I nor anyone I worked with did anything heroic. And calling all servicemembers "heroes" cheapens the term.

I have wondered since if some of these fakers are formerly deployed non-combat servicemembers whose egos got used to the title "hero" so freely bestowed by veterans' support groups upon their immediate return home. Then they realize later that they aren't really that special after all. They're just one among hundreds of thousands of new veterans. And if they're Guardsmen or Reservists, their social status is little-changed from what it was pre-deployment as they return to their old civilian jobs and lives. It isn't long before some of them try to regain some respect by making up stories. It is shameful and pathetic and disrespectful of the guys who actually had to fight. Sad.

 

[evan price]

I have never served due to the fact that I enlisted USN nuclear program but got medical DQ'ed for Asthma at MEPS after going through the whole process.

That said, I knew this guy who claimed to be pararescue- parabadass and claimed to be one of the few people with keys to the secure vault on a sub where they keep the nuclear launch codes and it was his job to go and retrieve them if a sub went down. He always liked to talk about how close we were/are to launching nukes at somebody, because he "had to know" in case he had to go dive for a lost sub.
Of course he was so badass secret-squirrel that he couldn't give out details of his service record.

Since the guy was probably 360 pounds naked and worked at a Krispy Kreme donut shop I sort of doubted most of what he said. When the store's "FRESH & HOT NOW!" sign got turned on I still had to double check....

 

[Treo]

Brian Denahey ( The Actor) claimed to have served in a Marine Rifle Company (which he did) in Viet Nam ( which he didn't ).

It was roughly the time that it all of a sudden became cool to be a vet in the late 80s and Hollyweed did all the welcome home (20 years too late to all the guys we spit on in 68 ) specials on TV. There were some others but he sticks out in my mind

 

[BullfrogKen]

I had the reverse of these stories happen once.

I was a young guy, early 20's, just had a bad break-up with a girl I loved. I got myself a motorcycle, and some of the guys I rode with wore colors. I wasn't into that lifestyle. But I did get a leather vest. And I pinned my badges and ribbons on it, just to try to fit in better with those fellows. Egos and rep meant alot.

So I'm trying to kill another lonely night in Frederick, MD. I'm out at the bowling alley on a Friday night. It serves liquor and has country line dancing those evenings. I see three Marines (it was obvious, even in civvies) come closer and begin discussing me. They quickly approached me, a little tipsy, and asked why I was wearing all the chest candy. Told 'em it was mine, I could wear it if I wanted to. Why, did I get a ribbon out of order? Took a few rounds of, "what's that one for?" until they dropped their guard.

When it becomes my turn, "So, you guys are all infantry Marines, huh? What brings you to this sleepy town, so far from any big Fleet Marine bases?"
" Uh, oh, we're at the Naval Supply Depot."
"Yeah, right. You're all Camp David Marines. You guys know Sgt. Such and such?
"Uh, sir, we're not supposed to talk about that."
"I know, its all secret. Forget about it. But see I grew up here, and we all knew about that hidden front gate entrance when we were in high school. Don't worry about it. I won't tell your secret. See that stripper over there . . . . I think she's hot for you . . . . "

And on the evening went.

Have an uncle that served as a medic, in action, on Okinawa. Didn't find out until his funeral. All I can remember from him is he worked at NASA for about 30 years, and had a passion for model trains. He had made the most elaborate model train mock-ups in his basement I'd ever seen. Never once talked about his experience in the service while we were playing with those trains. I never even knew he had ever served.

That's just the way it goes.

 

[C-grunt]

Long story ahead:

So Im on leave from my first tour in Iraq in 03, literally probably 8 days in country, and just so happens that my friend from the Airforce is home too. We meet up with our third friend who did the smart thing and went to college for dinner at the Macaroni Grill.

If you havent been there, they have paper tablecloths and crayons so you can write on the table while youre there. So we begin talking about the stupid things we have to do at work. My Airforce friend is talking about guarding an AWACS plane in a hanger for 24 hour shifts and my other friend is talking computer stuff. Well I start talking about how in my unit, 3rd Infantry Division, we have to sing the 3rd ID song every morning before PT.

The song is like an old 20s jingle and starts off with "I wouldnt give bean to be a fancy pants Marine, Id rather be a dog face soldier like I am." I wrote the whole song down on the table trying to remember it without the music.

So the waiter comes by and reads it and says
"so you got something against the Marines huh?" taking some offense to the song.

I tell him no and its a song we have to sing because Im in the Army. Then he says "well you know what Army stands for right?" I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Aint Ready for Marines Yet" he says all smug and proud.....

I reply with "well yeah if it was called the Arfmy"

So he keeps going on about how much better the Marine Corp is over the Army. How a Marine cook is equivalent to an Army infantryman, that I took a little offense to, and so on.

So I ask him what he did when he was in the Marines.....he said "Oh I was never in the Marines, I just wanted to join when I was in high school."

I was so mad I began getting a little loud then (bad PTSD) but my friends calmed me down and we got a new waiter.