You might be a gun nut if... (my apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

[effengee]

You've ever been asked by a museum for an exhibit of your collection.
You've ever planned a family vacation to a firearms manufacturer.
You've been contacted by producers from the History/Military channel.
You're on a first-name basis with wholesale ammo distributers.
You name John Browning as a famous and influencial interior designer.
You have more firearms than some third world armies can field.
You've ever field-stripped a weapon blindfolded, just to see if you could.
You've ever "tried this at home" even when you knew you shouldn't.
You have more permits than credit cards or photos in your wallet.
You've ever helped a customer at a sporting goods store you don't work at.
You are sought out for your opinion about a good handgun/rifle/shotgun.
You've went to the range during inclement weather for the sake of realism.
You manage to add firearms to any and all social conversations.
You've ever convinced an anti to go to the range, and they LIKED it!
Your guns are cleaner than the rest of your house.
You've ever even contemplated putting a laser sight on a musket.
You have firearms that are strictly worn as coordinated clothing accesories.
You have a weapon that NOBODY is allowed to touch or even look at.
You've ever felt like a kid in a candy store when you go into a gunshop.
You've ever actually missed your gun when it wasn't right there with you.
Your gun friends call you a conservative extremist.
You've had Charlton Heston over and he said "Damn, you got a lot of guns!"
You often say "What part of 'shall not be infringed' don't you understand?"


Please feel free to add to this list, but don't feel offended if you qualify as a gun nut. There's certainly much worse things I can think of to be called...



If Shakespere were a gun nut:
"To shoot, or not to shoot, I should hate to make such a rash decision. Whether 'tis nobler to go out in a blaze of glory, or to merely jam the firearm deeper into it's holster. To score, perchance to hit the perfect X one time..."

 

[LJ-MosinFreak-Buck]

I like this post. I don't have anything to add, but let's see where this one goes.

 

[kd7nqb]

You often find yourself looking at the clock seeing if you can think of a caliber in that time. (The 3 O'clock hour is easy)

 

[snipe300]

With respect to Mr. Foxworthy: "If you have a gun rack on your bicycle"

 

[Mossberg88]

You have a row of shell casings in a similar manner to the Cingular bars on your desk

 

[JohnL2]

You spend too much damn time on the High Road.

 

[No Fear]

You don't wash your hands after oiling a firearm

You say the NRA isn't pro 2nd amendment enough.

You have buried a firearm on your property.

You cannot stand "conservative" talk radio because they don't talk about guns enough.

You've ever even contemplated putting a laser sight on a musket.

I don't think anyone has contemplated that.

You refuse to call it a "gun" unless it has a detachable magazine.

The sight of expensive over and unders makes you angry.

 

[Fat_46]

You convince your wife that Hoppes is pronounced Hop-pays, its actually French, and its all the rage in the perfume industry.

 

[Mossberg88]

Hahahaha

 

[Smokey Joe]

Foxworthy actually used this one...

...If you know you have a firearm somewhere in your house that you can not find.

(It actually applied to me once but I found it.)

 

[Dr. Fresh]

You often find yourself looking at the clock seeing if you can think of a caliber in that time. (The 3 O'clock hour is easy)

I do the same thing with engine sizes.

 

[Carlos Cabeza]

You have ten full ammo cans and forty empty ones for all the ammo you "plan to buy !"

You've ever bought a rifle in a pistol caliber for deer hunting, just so you could carry both !

 

[tribbles]

You use cosmoline for aftershave.
Your UPS guy hates you.
You find ammo cans full of ammo you'd forgotten you had.
You have a framed picture of Burt Gummer in your rec room.
You always come back from the range with a bunch more brass than you had when you left.
There's always a empty piece of brass or two in your pockets.
You collect Berdan-primed brass, "just in case".
You have the Ed's Red formula memorized.
You watch action movies just to find the gun gaffes.
You wistfully read old issues of Shotgun News, just to kick yourself about the guns and ammo you SHOULD have bought.

 

[DoubleTapDrew]

You are asked how many guns you own, you have to think for a few minutes and your answer ends with "or so".

 

[armoredman]

1, 9, 10, 12, definately...and I wanna see someone with a laser on a musket!

 

[Restorer]

...If you've watched every good gun movie ever made, taken notes, spotted all the gun mistakes and written the producer to complain.

 

[Restorer]

...If you are on the Christmas card list of more than 10 firearms or ammunition manufacturers.

...If H&K tech support calls YOU for advice.

...If the term "bring enough gun" is limited only by what you can bolt to the bed of your truck.

...If your kids are named Kimber, Colt and Lapua.

 

[CountGlockula]

You name your kids Trigger, Sturmgewehr, Garand, Gaston, Browning and Heckler.

 

[sidekick54]

If you go out for lunch and come back with three gun magazines and no food.

 

[longdayjake]

If you start selling to support your habit.

 

[RP88]

...if you're a single-issue voter.

...you memorized math formulas and material sciences for the sake of compiling ballistics to make sure the internet ones were correct, and you aren't actually good at math.

...You know how to temporarily remove permanently attached parts of your guns.

...you know how to properly pronounce foreign names of guns and calibers/ammo - with the appropriate accent.

...you watch 'Saving Private Ryan' and 'The Thin Red Line' and wonder if you could get through it if you went back in time and got drafted.

...you get laser sight colors that match your clothing, sunglass lenses, and the colorful camo job your gun has.

...You don't play Counter-Strike and CoD4 because the parameters of the guns in the game 'aren't really like that in real life'.

...you've hunted dangerous game with underpowered guns just to see how much shot placement can really matter.

...you aim your gun at the TV for appropriate steadying techniques.

...while aiming at your TV, you dry-fire it when you see a democratic politician in the news.

...the guy at the ATF office who answers questions addresses you by your first name in his response letters.

...People know your first name when you go to the range.

...People know your first name when you go to a range you've never been to before.

...you post instances that would make you a gun nut in this thread

 

[Carlos Cabeza]

Well, it's obvious ! YOU are definately NOT a gun nut !

If you have ever AD'ed your TV while aiming at said presidential candidate !

THAT guy is a gun nut !

 

[Carlos Cabeza]

I was getting a new one anyway !

 

[Carlos Cabeza]

Oh, I love your sig line..............how appropriate....................

 

[LWGN]

You may be a gun nut if...

...when doing your routine weekly shopping, your most frequently purchased impulse items require a federal background check...and a hefty additional tax stamp.

...you refer to your ammo budget as your "tithe" - and it actually accounts for a bit more than ten percent of your income.

...your local FFL knows you have changed addresses before your parents do.

...your local PD and the US military list your cell phone under the heading "Emergency Contact Numbers".

...you have ever written love poetry that included a reference to caliber.