My wife hates guns

I am sure you will get lots of responses, some serious some joking but IMHO, hiding purchases from your wife does not a solid marriage make.

Compromise and talk things out. Figure out what is more important to you.

I think the best way to "sell" it is as a hobby, no different then golf or cars or computers etc. Only this hobby is currently better then the average 401K.

Good luck,
Chris

You are not alone my friend. My wife is not a fan at all. She does not like them, understand them, or in any way see anything redeeming about them.

We have worked out a monthly budget of money I do not have to account for. She doesn't want to know where it's going or what it's being spent on. I do spend it on other stuff as well, like a new motorcycle, so she knows its' not all spent on guns and ammo.

Guns are my thing not hers and we've worked it out. I keep it low profile and she is ok with that arrangement as am I.

Too bad - guess you're gonna miss her cooking huh?

I used to. Happily, after several years my wife's attitude changed and she now has her own handgun and can use it. I had several pistols when we met over 15 years ago, but I didn't shoot them much and it just wasn't much of a topic of discussion. Several years ago I got back into shooting, CCW, IDPA, reloading, all kinds of stuff. There was some resistance at first, I distinctly remember her trying to veto my first purchase in years with "no, you already have plenty of guns". I bought anyway.

If you're ok financially, I would suggest starting your attitude-modification by pointing out that you're spending a LOT less than if you were golfing or boating. At first my wife rolled her eyes and figured I was going through a midlife crisis. I didn't try to push on her, but I didn't back off of what I wanted to buy and do, either. She didn't like it when I started actually using the CWP I'd had for years (but hadn't used up to that point) and carrying concealed. More eye rolling, remarks about me being paranoid, etc. I didn't argue, but I didn't stop what I was doing either.

After what seemed like a long time, maybe 2 years, she started to reconsider her opinions about self-defense, being more self-reliant instead of just calling 911 and hoping the police arrived fast, that kind of thing. Eventually her attitudes changed enough that she went and took the CWP class herself and sometimes carries. I would rather she do it all the time and be a little more "into it", but I think it's best to just let her get to where she wants to be in her own way. Kind of like I wanted her to let me do when I was getting into guns, CCW, and shooting again.

No guarantees of course how your wife's attitudes will change, or even if they will. I would suggest not arguing about it, but keep doing the gun and shooting activities you think you need to do, covertly if need be. Keep up what you're doing, emphasize how you're observing safe gunhandling and shooting practices. If you are genuinely interested and keep doing this over a long haul, she may change her attitude when she sees you're not just going through a phase.

Best of luck!

Leave her

The truth is, she will probably get used to them, even if she nevers learns to love them. If not, can you live without guns?

Hey, you can't change people. Seriously. You can't change people

You can't change people.
You can't change people.
You can't change people.

That said, you can reason with them. Show her how safe YOU can be with guns, refrain from offending her by saying "If that guy on the news had a gun, he coulda....", and hope for the best.

I also agree that you should not deceive your wife. Honestly, is her reaction so bad you think she'd leave you for liking guns? If not, how are you justified in deceiving her??

There isn't much more to be said. Ignore anyone who tells you "how to change her" or whatever.

Guns are my thing not hers and we've worked it out. I keep it low profile and she is ok with that arrangement as am I.

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Same for us. My wife is pro 2nd amendent, but not exactly pro me having them, though she tolerates it. kinda like I tolerate her reality shows . As you said, I don't talk about guns around her and I keep them out of her sight as much as possible. As a result, she hasn't gone on a "guns are so stupid" tyraid in a couple of years. As I said, I think she has finally accepted that this is my hobby, though granted she doesn't have to like it.

Her biggest thing with guns is that she strongly believes that if she were to shoot an intruder in the house, that they would lock her up and throw away the key. Yes, I've tried to explain to her that their is no duty to retreat when in your home in our state, but to no avail.

I just wonder about these cases, did you know her attitude when you proposed?

I recall the letter to the editor of Rifle Magazine years ago, "My dear bride of these 17 years says the guns go or she goes. Please note change of address." That is not to say you should make it a homewrecker, but if not, you are going to have to decide who will go forward with the resentment, you or her.

Too bad - guess you're gonna miss her cooking huh?

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epic win

If reason even has a small chance of working maybe you should take a gun apart in front of her and show her all the little pieces. Show her that it is just a really cool tool, and is not a magic death wand or anything like that.

Oh, lovely; another wife thread.

If you feel you must hide when you clean your guns or when you buy ammo or other accessories, then you have a problem much, much bigger than firearms. You need to get to where you can accept each other, interests, warts, and all, as you are. If you are able to sit down and have a civil, pleasant, informative conversation with her in which you do as much listening as you do talking, then you should be able to work past this with the communication skills you already have.

If not, then it's the communication skills, not the guns, that are at issue here.

You can "stand your ground" and hold on to your hobby and your interests. Maybe she will eventually get interested too, maybe not. But mutual interest in firearms isn't why you married (I assume, anyway) so continue to build her up...build each other up....in the other areas and keep working on communication on this.

Jan

My wife hates guns

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Your wife must have a hobby or something she likes to do, whatever it is give her as much of your support/help that you can. My wife hates any type of racing, but she loves to sew and eat out, my son and I race any thing that has two or more wheels. I just make sure she has enough sewing needs to cover the time while my son and I are racing and when we are not racing I make sure I take her out to dinner as often as possible. This seems to have worked well for the past 30 or so years.

This is a real bummer man. You know anyone that would let you keep a safe at their house?

I hate to be the party-pooper, but my wife totally insists that I CCW all the time that we are out and about. She started out as indifferent/tolerant about guns but has ended up as pro-gun (still a Democrat though). We plan vacations around states that recognize my CCW license as a rule. I think for her the change came when we had a child, along with years of knowing that if something horrible were to happen then at least we had a chance. Eventually, I think that the fear of guns will be replaced by a comfort from them even if your wife doesn't want to make weekly trips to the range. Don't worry, I bet she'll get used to them.

My wife didn't love guns, but she didn't hate them either. Sort of in between, but eventually she came around. I pushed her into it, but that certainly didn't help. I think the more she went shooting with me and handled guns, the easier she felt about/around them. Of course, now she's a nutjob.

She wasn't all too interested in hunting either. But after a few hundred pounds of processed elk filled the freezers, she got on board with it. Have patients and give her the space. She doesn't have to have your hobbies and you don't have to have hers.

People are often afraid of things they don't understand. My advice would be to not try to force her to like them, keep it low-key while emphasizing safety, and over time she might come around.

My wife is very tolerant and understanding. If she weren't, however; my marriage is far more important to me than my gun collection.

Added: Springmom's advice is second-to-none. Had I read it before posting, I wouldn't have bothered posting!

+1 springmom.


BMF500 wrote:

This is a real bummer man.

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This will not stand man, it will not stand.

Yea .. I know someone the same way and I just don't get that UNNATURAL fear of guns. It's like the "Guns are Bad" message has been drilled so deepy into someone's head that it's created almost like a panic !

Right, they don't understand anything about a gun so their fear is unjustified (at least in our opinions) but they don't even want to learn anything about them either.

conwict and springmom raised some of the most important considerations.

It is pretty damned rude and inconsiderate to try to be so disrespectful and critical of a loved one's hobby/interests (as long as no one gets hurt in this hobby). Especially in a relationship. I would be rightfully angry if the girlfriend tried to impose and dictate like that.

A bit of advice: Do not argue or talk in a tone that is defensive and submissive, as if she might actually be right. Be confident and don't be afraid to show irritation if she's being unreasonable and imposing. Use sound logic, great analogies (to cars, kitchen knives and so forth). Say that without any rational reasons to her behaviour (and "I don't like guns" is not enough) you find it a pain to suffer her negative behaviour towards you. Make comparisons to you being all pissy about something she likes or cares about. Even wearing heels on the shoes is more harmful than having firearms as a hobby.

I can't remember every line in the thread, so if this was mentioned, please disregard. But, have you ever thought of buying her "HER OWN GUN". I know it might sound weird to some, but if you buy her a nice small, unobtrusive gun that is inexpensive to practice with and to shoot; (Maybe a 32acp like a Walther or FEG clone or a inexpensive revolver in 38spl); and you explain that it's HERS, she might go for it. Explain that with your collection, that it's important that she know how to handle and of your guns in case of a situation. Explain that most guns operate basically the same so it's best if she has her own gun to get familiar with. Obviously, you show her the basics of loading, safety, clearing, and basic shooting. Except for SAFETY you DO NOT CORRECT HER ON ANYTHING!!!!!! Yes, you heard me right. There is a time to every purpose unto heaven. And the first purpose is for her to get use to HOLDING a gun. If you can get her to shoot, you can ask her if she'd like you to clean HER GUN or if she'd like to learn how to.

This may require baby steps. But I would start with a basic neutral hand gun that she can call her own. NO, SHE DOESN"T have to go and pick it out. Many people think it's something that is personal and she needs to choose. Not in this situation. You want to buy her a gun that is very easy to hold and easy to shoot. Most people might even consider your choice (TOO SMALL). That's ok. I'd have recommended a 22lr, except it's hard to convince her that a 22lr is acceptable as a self defense gun if she needs it. But a 32acp or similar in revolver would suffice. And if she winds up coming around to somewhat liking or even tolerating guns, she may even want to "Upgrade". Then you can let her pick one out. Anyway, buy her an inexpensive 32acp semi or similar revolver. Don't make it a holiday present; just a regular present. Explain that you think it's important that she have a gun if SHE ever needs it, and that SHE should have HER OWN gun. And after giving it to her, if she says she doesn't want it, tell her SHE is free to take it back or trade it in. "SHE WON'T". She may not want to talk about it or touch it initially, but you can always invite her when you go. And it will sound nice if you ask: "Would you like to bring YOUR GUN and do some shooting". Baby steps..... You can do it.

The guns are bad thing and the irrational fear of them is interesting.. It might just be simple associations, beliefs and values displayed by society and others over and over again until it seems true - the item is seen to suddenly posses qualities such as: dangerous because it's evil, not dependable, unpredictable, brings death, accidents, carnage - cannot trust it. A mind of it's own. A bit like a stick of non-stable explosive. Jolt it too hard and it may blow.

I like you springmom.


Don't worry, my admiration is genuine but innocuous. I've been married to one woman for 25 years, ...and my wife is a better shot (with a handgun) than I am.

Les

My wife knew from the start that I was a gun loving guy. She never objected. If she had objected, we would never have married. It's as simple as that.