Two AM. A narrow, unpaved, rutted, dark street sloping down a hill in a slummy neighborhood. I had just dropped my girlfriend at her gate, my car was pointing uphill. The street was so narrow that there was barely space for a pedestrian between the car and the fencing walls, and so deeply rutted and broken that one could only proceed at a snail pace.
I was still on Park, handbrake pulled, waiting for my girlfriend to finish unlocking the gate, when two low-life came by, sauntering down the street. 20-30 feet from my car, they stopped: the neighbor's gate post light must have been enough for them to spot me inside the car.
I saw both of them having a half-smile, just lips barely pursing and revealing a glint of teeth. "White dude, alone, here, now...". I could see the cogs turning, the smiles widened. They picked up a faster gait, and they fanned, one coming to my side, the other one aiming for the pax side.
My front windows were down. Nobody else in the street, my girlfriend just entering her gate. As the one closer to me reached my fender, squeezing himself between wall and car, I lifted my gun, and racked the slide.
Three feet away from me, the guy exploded - like if he had peed on a 10,000 Volts line.
WRROOOOOOSHHHH-FLA-FLAP-FLAP..... And they were gone, faster than Usain Bolt, uphill and all, in a great cloud of dust and flapping of flipflops.
My girlfriend had seen nothing, till the duststorm kicked in... She came back, puzzled: "What was THAT???". Giggling, I told her. A month later, she moved...
Bad guys, zero. Gun, 1+1. No rounds fired, no police reports to fill, no time wasted, and a good laugh.