Take a little time to get familiar with your AK and I think you'll find its not as bad as your first thought. 99.9% of the issues go away with a little real world practice.
You dont need or want the aftermarket extensions, batwings, or buffers. You'll end up hurting yourself more than helping yourself. Unless you have teeny tiny little hands and fingers, all the controls can be worked with your hand on the grip. It may not be with a "full" grip, but your hand will be in contact with it the whole time.
For the safety, you use your middle finger, and if it feels better, have your index finger on top of it. You can walk around all day this way if you want, and its not tiring at all. The safety is off as fast as any other rifles safety when done this way. With the AK's, you can also use your thumb, which usually works best when the rifle is cradled in your arms, with three fingers of your right hand wrapped around the mag and your thumb riding on the selectors shelf. The safety comes of quickly and quietly from this position, and the rifle also shoulders very quickly and naturally from this position.
For the mag release, you also use the middle finger with your hand on the grip, and the mags will also drop free if you choose to let them. Reloads can be nearly as fast as an AR if you practice a little. You use your left hand (assuming your right handed) to do the mag change, not your right.
With the AK, regardless of what type reload you do, you ALWAYS work the charging handle after your done. That way the rifle is always loaded when your done. Lack of a BHO device is only an issue if you make it one. You have two choices in how you work the handle, reach underneath and come up on the other side with the gun upright, and with your palm flat on the side of the gun with your thumb forward, you hook the handle with your thumb as you move your fingers towards the rear. The other method is to lay the gun over to to the left with the charging handle up, and stroke it back using the knife edge of your hand. The first method can be done with the rifle still in your shoulder.