My M&P 45c has been more then reliable for me. I know of people that like XD/XDm's but don't love them. I only have personal experience with M&P out of the two, but I can tell you that the M&P is an amazing firearm. It is very well made, has a great finish, and shoots like a champ. If I were you, it would be M&P all the way. XD's are good fun guns, but if you want more quality, buy American, but Smith.
I have both the M&P 9c and the XDm9c and both are dead on accurate. I shoot quarter sized groups at 7yds easy. As for home defense I keep the XDm w/ a tlr-1s handy and CC I use the M&P9c bcs of the more comfortable grip. Both are great guns and can't go wrong w/ either.
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