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Coming out as a gun owner

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Serenity, Mar 31, 2012.

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  1. Serenity

    Serenity Member

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    Another thread veered a little and we were referred to this venue. The question was "When is it a good time to tell potential romantic partners about your guns?" Or something similar. I got into this after being married for a little while, but if I were single now, I wouldn't be interested in a partner who would consider guns a deal breaker. But I hear the market is tough right now. Maybe the delivery is more important than the timing: it isn't a confession or something that you are divulging. It's just a facet of your personality and interests. I would want to find out if it was going to be a deal breaker BEFORE investing a bunch of time in the relationship, but I tend toward word vomit (to a fault).

    In the non-dating world, has anyone been socially shut out after mentioning that they have guns/shoot? As a recent convert I enthuse about my activities to anyone who will listen and so far the response has been overwhelmingly positive. The people who disapprove (I can tell by their body language) don't actually say anything in front of my face. They're probably saying "well it's more interesting than her scrap-booking phase". :D

    What I am dealing with is closer to home; being treated as slightly foolish for intending to carry (and taking a gun with me on a road trip for the first time! Woot!) Fortunately I am used to feeling a bit foolish, so I just soldier on.
     
  2. hso

    hso Moderator Staff Member

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    Nope, but then I'm not confrontational about it and I approach it as a personal responsibility to be able to take care of myself by having and knowing how to use an advanced first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, self extraction tools AND a firearms. I know exactly how long it can take for help to arrive and the answer is 2. Too long, that is.
     
  3. shiftyer1

    shiftyer1 Member

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    I've always had guns around so I don't think I ever had a conversation about them in any relationship. It has never been a problem, maybe i've been lucky?

    As far as feeling foolish.......do you keep a spare tire in your car? It's kinda the same thing. I'd hate to hope someone will stop and help when I need it the most!
     
  4. Driftertank

    Driftertank Member

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    Easy answer....invite him/her to go shooting for the second date. If you got some on the first date, he/she ain't worth it. If he/she won't go out on a second date, he/she ain't worth it. :p

    Sorry. maybe too glib an answer for you. I'm glad to live in an ethnically and socially diverse area...one where rednecks are well represented, and it's not hard to find women to shoot with! Lol

    Edited to make slightly more gender neutral. The High Road, after all!
     
  5. Leanwolf

    Leanwolf Member

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    After college and Army, I moved to Los Angeles. To put it mildly, not only is there quite a selection of very attractive young women there, their beliefs run from one end of the scale to the other, when it comes to firearms.

    When I was just looking for a night or two with a girl, I didn't bother to broach the "firearms" issue.

    When I was dating someone with whom I thought I might become really serious, I made it a point to very quickly, let her know that I was a hunter, ate the game I shot, and owned firearms. I also made it a point to let the young woman know that I was a very strong believer in the Right to self defense.

    In my very strong opinion it is best to find out "how the stick floats" on that issue before things become too serious. That way, no one is later hurt if the woman objects to firearms, hunting, and/or self defense. A couple of times when I mentioned hunting or firearms, etc., the girls and I did not later have any interest in each other, as the firearms issue was an insurmountable barricade. No harm: no foul.

    On my first date, however, with a young woman whom I found to be very attractive both physically and mentally, we were at a very nice L.A. restaurant. I mentioned the venison (game farm raised) on the menu being very good, as I'd tried it before. She did not recoil or act repulsed and instead, ordered it as she'd never had it. After the venison arrived, she loved it. I then said that I hunted and ate the game I killed. No objections from her. It was obvious I owned firearms.

    We have been married for 36 years. She has her own revolvers, loves to shoot my .22 rifles and Ruger Mini-14 .223. She also has her CCW and is a 100% believer in the Second Amendment, etc.

    I say, if things might get serious, get it out in the open very quickly. Casually, discreetly, etc. Don't "hammer" it, just mention it as a matter of fact. That always worked best for me.

    L.W.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2012
  6. JohnBiltz

    JohnBiltz Member

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    If you are interested in a long term relationship I'd mention it right away. I took my wife shooting on my second date.
     
  7. Snowdog

    Snowdog Member

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    A bumper sticker while dating gave me away to my wife. "Criminals Prefer Unarmed Victims" pretty much says it all.

    I would put it out there but let her decide when to ask you about it. Prepare a response that welcomes more questions without making it sound like it's a hot topic; rather blasé perhaps.

    My wife and her entire family is from Garden City, NY (or Manhattan, in her sister's case). Likewise, they are all left-leaning politically. I am on the opposite end of the political spectrum. If that's not a hard-sell, I don't know what is.

    Her whole family accepts my hobby, my wife has thousands of rounds under her belt and I've even convinced her sister, father and my brother-in-law to come to the range. Just got to ease them into it and let them set the pace. Again, "can" your responses now... a spoon-full of sugar makes the medicine go down and all that.
     
  8. Arkansas Paul

    Arkansas Paul Member

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    I guess I've been lucky too. But I live in the South where shooting and guns are a way of life. It would be odd here if you didn't own guns.
     
  9. 303tom

    303tom member

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    When you ask him/her to go shooting.............
     
  10. loadedround

    loadedround Member

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    It may be a little off the subject, but wife, when we became engaged, bought herself a life membership in the NRA to show her support for firearms ownership and use. We've been together for 43 years now so I think she's a keeper. :)
     
  11. hardluk1

    hardluk1 member

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    Back in my single days I drove a big 4x4 and typicaly had a long gun in the rear window. On the second datewith my wife we covered most our likes and dislikes and on the third date we went shooting. 36 years later also and still married and enjoying firearm and hunting related sports. Get all the major problems or sticking points covered early on so nether one of you are waisting each others time.
     
  12. Loosedhorse

    Loosedhorse member

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    About the fact that you own guns and are involved in organized competitive shooting, and have won a few competitions; or you're a regular and successful hunter...:cool::)

    Or that you're carrying a gun right now, on the date, just in case you happen to need to shoot someone?

    For the second, maybe just about when you're ready to have the person meet your parents!
    It is foolish...unless you are attacked. Then, it might be the wisest thing anyone has ever done. ;)
     
  13. Gtimothy

    Gtimothy Member

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    I've always had guns and never even thought about this as a problem. Of course I've been married for 32 years so I'm a BIT out of the loop when it comes to dating. :rolleyes: My son however is dating a wonderful young lady and he has just purchased his first handgun. She is fine with guns and we have taken them both to the range several times. My feeling is to be open about it from the begininning. the longer you hide it from your girlfriend, the harder it will be to explain later ("Why did you hide it from me??"). Also, if they are shown the PROPER and RESPONSIBLE handling of firearms, they just might change any negative biases. If not, there are plenty of "Fish in the ocean" ! ;)
     
  14. Tipro

    Tipro Member

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    I've had no problem with women I was dating and firearms. As someone else said, this is the South.

    Unfortuantely my parent's weren't born in the South, and just don't make sense about a lot of things.

    Let's give some quick context so you can see my frustration.

    My father was a commissioned officer in the Army. He told me when he was leaving the Army said he could keep his side arm (a 1911, this was the late 70's), but that he let the Army keep it because "he didn't like what the gun was used for."

    My paternal great-grandad (dad's dad's dad) bought a shotgun (don't know the year, make, model, all i know is that it was an autoloading 12 gauge) that he hunted with, which he passed down to his son (my grandad). My grandad also hunted with this gun, and took my dad with him when he was a little boy. Before my grandad died, he offered the shotgun to my father, but my dad refused. It makes me so incredibly mad just thinking about it. I have nothing from my grandad, he died when I was an infant. I tracked down that shotgun a couple years ago, and apparently when my dad refused it, his uncle (my grandad's brother) took it. He gave it to his son, and he wouldn't sell it to me. At least it's still with the family I suppose (we have the same last name).

    My dad's dad also fought in Germany and the Pacific during the War, and had a pistol he took off a dead German officer. Don't have that. My great-uncle pawned that off for some money to buy alcohol. He also had a box of gold teeth he knocked out of dead Jap's. Don't have that either. Fortunately my finance's grandad fought in Germany in the 101st and got a pistol off a German officer which has prewar Nazi markings, and a ceremonial sword off the same officer, so maybe she'll inherit that from her dad who now has it. Her dad love's that stuff, and so does she. I'm glad her family isn't full of crazies like mine.

    Wish I was only making this stuff up.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2012
  15. Sheepdog1968

    Sheepdog1968 Member

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    I went through this ssituation. I typically waited for the third or forth date. By then they have gotten to know you a bit. As for work, several jobs I never mentioned it. For others just friends at work or people from work I see at the range, gun shows, etc. the way it came up at my last job was they asked how my bachelor party went and I mentioned it went well a nd that went trap, clay sport shooting and then had a BBQ. People thought that was fun.
     
  16. CountryUgly

    CountryUgly Member

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    The conversation between my wife and I went something like this " I'll show you mine if you show me yours" So she whipped out her Ruger and I whipped out my S&W. She looked at it and giggled. i asked what that was about and she said " Sorry I couldn't help but notice that mine's bigger":neener:
     
  17. Midwest

    Midwest Member

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    If someone doesn't bring up guns in a regular conversation here in Kentucky would be considered unusual. Guns are talked about as frequently as basketball, trucks, jobs, and even computers in these neck of the woods..y'all.
     
  18. loose noose

    loose noose Member

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    My youngest son's wife never much cared for firearms, as they had 3 young daughters, and she was certain one of then would get a hold one and do some dastardly deed. (Pure nonsense) My son and I did a lot of shooting together, allways using my firearms, which he knew some day some of them would be his. Then one day a crazy couple tried to enter their property out in the boon docks (horse property) and scared the crap out of them with what fortunately was idle threats. Needless to say I gave my son a 9mm pistol, with some hollow point bullets for self protection, which he understood perfectly well. Isn't it amazing what a little scare can produce. Now she wants to learn how to shoot, and is contemplating getting a Springfield XD-9 also.:cool:
     
  19. Serenity

    Serenity Member

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    That's a good point, Loosedhorse. There is definitely a difference here in how people perceive guns for sporting purposes or as a hobby, and guns for personal defense. Home defense is somewhere in between. The high schools around here still have trap shooting competitions and hunting is accepted 100%. When I talk about competition, the sentiment among my peers is fairly positive.

    When I got into guns out of the blue a couple of years ago, there was sort of an indulgent attitude about it ("Serenity's husband sure is patient") but I made the common qualifying newbie (especially female newbie) statements like "it's just for fun" and "I'm not going to carry of course." I always used to wonder by people took so much trouble to conceal when we live in an Open Carry state. Now I get it.

    Fortunately I am not an island, because my work place is filled with shooters. It's a small electronics manufacturing house and 75% of the people who work there (almost all of the men) are shooters.
     
  20. mljdeckard

    mljdeckard Member

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    I recently went through a brief stretch of being single, and I had to navigate the protocol. It turned out to be no big deal. Every woman I dated I told her before we met, I said something like, "By the way, I should tell you, I am armed pretty much I am legally allowed to be." Not once did any of them care. My wife loves shooting and is always nagging me to go.

    I love Utah.
     
  21. Old krow

    Old krow Member

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    I don't know that there is a perfect time, but certainly sooner is better than later. Life is a bit short to spend debating conflicting ideologies with your spouse.

    As others have said, "this is the South" and it's more probable that something else that would be an immediate dis-qualifier would put an end to a relationship faster than gun ownership would.

    Quite a while back I was dating a girl that stated once that she didn't think that I should have a loaded gun in the house. I politely defused it, but kept the gun. Later on we were robbed. Then she stated that the gun that was previously "dangerous" should be kept on the nightstand by the bed. She made a remark once (or forty times) about my CCP asking me sarcastically if I were going to tote my gun around to the local grocery store. Then a 60 y/o lady was confronted by two guys trying to rob her in the local Wally-World parking lot and she drew her handgun. They fled of course. The next thing I know she's calling me asking me the exact amount of the permit. She had gone off and gotten her own permit.

    We're still on speaking terms and she likes to point out that me having a round in the chamber is dangerous. I would prefer the lessons end there.

    Telepathy doesn't count! :)
     
  22. Mike J

    Mike J Member

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    I too live in the South. I never made an issue out of firearms and there is only one person that I can think of that considered them an issue. She & I never actually "dated" though we did seem to keep finding ourselves spending time together. However she just had too many issues & we had different belief systems so we often found ourselves disagreeing. She made the comment once when at my home that it scared her that I had guns. I really believe this had more to do with her perception of life in general than anything I said or did.

    With everyone else guns were something that just came up in the natural flow of conversation. That I liked to hunt etc. I don't recall anyone ever freaking out about it. Some seemed to like it. To most I believe it was a non issue.

    My wife had her own revolver when we met. She isn't really into guns but her Father taught her their utility at an early age. They lived on 26 acres in a rural area less than 4 miles from a state prison so he made sure all his kids knew how to run what he had available.
     
  23. rduchateau2954

    rduchateau2954 Member

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    If a girl doesn't like the same things I do (hunting, fishing, general outdoor stuff) I don't get to know her well enough for her to find out what guns I have. Some might know I have guns, but they don't know what or where.

    I have met way too many girls that have said something like "I know this guy who likes guns too, he has them all over his house"

    I had this girl at a bar one time tell me about her ex-s guns, where he lives and when he works. All this after a couple of hours. I could have cleaned him out.

    Only my closest friends know what I have and where I keep them. None of them have access to them.
     
  24. Nushif

    Nushif Member

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    Maybe the delivery is more important than the timing: it isn't a confession or something that you are divulging. It's just a facet of your personality and interests.

    That's how I view it and while I don't date I have never, actually NEVER received a negative response.

    [...] but I tend toward word vomit (to a fault).

    Me too! 8)

    In the non-dating world, has anyone been socially shut out after mentioning that they have guns/shoot? As a recent convert I enthuse about my activities to anyone who will listen and so far the response has been overwhelmingly positive. The people who disapprove (I can tell by their body language) don't actually say anything in front of my face. They're probably saying "well it's more interesting than her scrap-booking phase".


    Exactly how I've been treated. Except they get tired of me telling them about WoW.

    What I am dealing with is closer to home; being treated as slightly foolish for intending to carry (and taking a gun with me on a road trip for the first time! Woot!) Fortunately I am used to feeling a bit foolish, so I just soldier on.

    This is where out experiences differ. My wife carries a Beretta and once walked away from a table at a gunshow table crying because we couldn't afford a 1925 Beretta for her. Needless to say if if has the trident on it, she wants it. So I don't share your problem. 8)
     
  25. justice06rr

    justice06rr Member

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    As a single guy, I can say its usually not an issue with women I've dated. Many of them actually take interest in it if you present the topic in a positive way.

    Its best to talk about it casually at first; I usually say that my roomates is a cop who taught me how to shoot, or that me and some friends go to the range for recreational shooting, etc.

    I find it actually harder to bring up the firearms issue to other guys or relatives.
     
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