Cousin with anti parents

[Rogelio]

Hi you guys!

This is kind of a "moral" question, so I thought it was a good idea to ask you for some advice..you have always been really helpful in the past and I am sure that you will give me the best advice you can!!Mods, please feel free to relocate it, but please don´t close it!!!

Now, the thing is that my cousin´s birthday is in a week, and he has asked me for a very nice present...a .38 spl revolver. So far so good, (money is not a problem right now, so it is a gift that is inside my possibilities)but the thing is that his parents (my uncle and aunt) are 100% anti gun. The one time he told them he wanted to get a gun they threatened to kick him out their home because guns are eeeevillllllll and he was just going to get into trouble for having one!

Now I have this huge dillema...he is 20, he can legally carry a gun here in Peru, he is a great shot (I take him to the range with me every other week and outshoots me by far), is very well manered and basically, he can handle carrying a gun without getting into trouble...but I don´t want to get him into trouble with his parents and I sure don´t want to get into a family fight for giving him a gun! I have been trying to convince his parents for over 4 years that guns are just tools and that they can just save your life...they just don´t get it...

So...should I buy the gun for him?? (give him the money for it, as buying guns here can only be done in person and after a very ugly and long paperwork week)Should I get him the .38 spl (he likes my Ranger .38 spl in both 2.5 and 4 inch barrels and shoots both well) or should I get him a smaller pistol just to make it harder for his parent's to noice it? -Keep in mind that he lives with his parents and has no safes or other devices to keep the gun out of sight, he would just rely on keeping it hidden in a drawer when he is not carrying it, and if he gets one, my uncle would force him to open it or at leat demand a key.

Something in my head tells me not to get into trouble...but I just can´t let it go that way!

What would the High Road do??

 

[TarpleyG]

Your cousin is an adult now and needs to act like it. I understand what it's like to feel intimidated by your parents. I was a little. He needs to set the ground rules now with them. Granted, he lives in their house but as long as he is doing nothing illegal and handles the gun responsibly, the parents should have no say so.

GT

 

[P95Carry]

The dilemma is very apparent ..... but your cousin has a life (I hope!) .... and must stand on his own.

Sounds rather as tho with parents as staunchly anti as his seem .. he must resort to subterfuge ..... regretably. They it seems do not trust him to have a gun ..... because they obviously are the ''bad gun'' anti's .... little thought to the user .. all emphasis on the ''evil gun''.

Their lack of trust in him does IMO allow him to reciprocate somewhat by employing deception ... why should he trust them 100% and bow down to those sort of wishes.

Of course the bottom line is for him to decide ... as no one else can do this for him. The ideal answer is to make him a present of the necessary funds and then allow him to buy the gun - or not.

He must then if he gets it ... be very circumspect (the ''deception'' bit) and try and ensure that it stays as an unknown to his parents .... providing he can live with that subterfuge - and that depends very much on his level of love and respect for the parents. Or putting it another way .. can he ''rationalize'' the whole thing so as to still feel comfortable?

Just a quick assessment .... and thoughts .. no more.. for now ..... got a shoot today!

 

[berettaman]

Buying him the gun dispite his parents objections is showing them no respect.It's their home and they are justified in having whatever rules they want.Don't get involved.

 

[WhoKnowsWho]

Give him the money and if he gets kicked out, guess what, he has bad parents and you have a new roommate!

 

[Zach S]

Give him the money and if he gets kicked out, guess what, he has bad parents and you have a new roommate!

agreed.

Mom hated the fact I was into guns (I wouldnt go as far to call her anti though), and hated it when I brought my first one home, however I'm an adult and paid more than my fair share of rent to stay here. It wouldnt surprise me if she wanted to kick me out though, but she just couldnt, and still cant afford it. I guess after buying 5 more pistols, a thompson, and a shotgun she got used to it and halfway expects me to bring another one home every three or four months.

 

[another okie]

Give him a card that says when he's living on his own you'll buy him a gun.

 

[VeT|Us]

I would absolutely buy him the gun he wants.
If he is a good shot, is responsible etc, like you say, I see no problem in giving him a gun. Allright, the parents are against it, but I dont think that should be an issue really.
Its not like you're giving him dope or an illegal firearm, your giving him a fully legal tool that he can own, if he wants.

Just tell him to conceal it, stash it somewhere they wont look.
Get him the gun, and welcome a new responsible firearm-owner into the world!

 

[Dave Markowitz]

Their house, their rules. Your cousin may be an adult, but the basic fact is that he is still living with his parents and must abide by their wishes as to what is brought into their home.

But perhaps a compromise would do. Get him the gun but have him keep it at your place until he has his own house or apartment. (I'm assuming this is legal under local law.)

 

[aerod1]

Nope. I am as "pro-gun" as you get but...I would respect someone else's home and their right to set the rules in their home. I would definately not buy the gun, nor would I help him buy the gun. He must do that himself, after he gets his own place.

Jim Hall

 

[lee n. field]

Buy him the gun, and it stays at your house until he's out on his own.

 

[VeT|Us]

My mom was an anti when I got my first 22.LR when I was 12, and still wasnt really too happy when I bought my first shotgun at 16.
But then, we had 2 or 3 attempted brake-ins in my house.

Mom really developed a liking for my guns after that..

I say, get him the gun. After all, he might need it someday, God forbid.
And if he does, I'll bet the family wont bash your head in for giving him the tools for defending himself and his family.

 

[Bill Hook]

Buy him the gun, but keep it for him if you must.

 

[TheeBadOne]

Asked and answered

..but I also agree. Their house their rules. Ask him if he's ready to move out. If he is, then get him the gun. If he's not, make sure he's aware that he might on the street the moment he gets a gun.

Good luck to you and your cousin

 

[Rogelio]

Now that is what I am feeling....he has the RIGHT to protect his life, but while he is still in his parent's house, they make the rules.

If it were me, I would follow P95Carry's advice and stash it...but you guys all make sense to me...now I am in a though spot here!

I just talked to him and he said he would take the risk of having it at his house.

I can not keep it in my house unless it is registered under my name, and if it was registered under my name, it would be illegal for him to carry.

Do this new facts alter your advice??

 

[LynnMassGuy]

Sounds like it is time for your cousin to leave the nest.

 

[cratz2]

Well, this is a bit of a sticky... Not on your situation specifically, but my general outlook on a situation like this:

If he lives with the parents and can't/doesn't support himself, then I can't see going against the parents. If he doesn't live with them and is in school (where he can legally own a gun) but is just short in the finances, then I'd give him the money.

 

[geekWithA.45]

There are 3 parties and 3 relationships:

You have a realationship to your cousin.

He has a relationship to his parents.

You also have a relationship to his parents, but it seems that you place a higher value on your relationship with your cousin. Your actions may have an effect here, and that is yours to work out.

Your cousin's relationship with his parents is his to work out, and not yours to interfere with.

As for your relationship with your cousin, by all means, give him the money, with the understanding that it is ultimately his decision what he wants to do with it, and that the outcome of certain scenarios might not be to anyone's liking. In general, I would counsel him to wait a bit, till he was out on his own two feet, but general advice doesn't always fit specific circumstances.

At the end of the day, it's really between him & his folks, and quite possibly the first tough choice he'll make as an adult.

Life is messy, and ambiguous, and we deal with it.

 

[Rogelio]

Thanks for all your advice...I guess he is already an adult and he has to deal with it! As you guys put it, life is full of choices, and if he chooses to carry the methods to defend himself, he does it knowing that all hell might break loose in his house.

Thanks again for all your help....

 

[Bobarino]

as much as it pains me to say this, i would not get him a gun. as strongly as i feel about the right to self defense, my old fashioned "honor thy mother and father" side says that it would be inappropriate. while your cousin would love you forever, you aunt and uncle would likely be alienated to the point of no contact.

my folks are ignorant about firearms and especially anti-handgun. they have requested that i don't wear my gun in their house. their rationale is that you have no need to carry in your home, you're safe there. as stupid as i think that is, i respect their wishes. after all, it IS their house, and therefor their rules.

on the flip side of that, when they come over to my house, i've thought of requiring them yo wear a gun in my house or else they are not welcome. just the reverse of what they do to me. ya think it would work?

Bobby

 

[Andrew Rothman]

Thinking of this ethically, your cousin is asking you to help him disobey his parents' wishes.

That's bad news for you.

From his point of view, he is willing to accept his parents' charity in housing him, but not willing to live with their rules. That smacks of immaturity.

He should be a man, and either move out and get a gun, or stay honor their wishes.

 

[artherd]

Go ahead and get him the money for the gun, if you think he will use it responsibly, and with discression.

Discression with a gun is nessicary outside of mom and dad's as well. A responsible person, in today's society, must conceal their armaments, lest the sheeple become restless (and even a danger to themselves, it's almost like yelling 'fire' in a crwoded building in some areas.)

Make it clear to him you are giving him $500 as a gift, and he can use it however he sees fit as an adult. If he does get a gun and tell you about it, the secret will go no furthur. Ask the same of him.

It will probally never come up. (and frankly, if he can't keep a gun from a couple of average parents, he mayge should think twice about owning a gun at all.)

PS: if anyone ever asked me not to carry into their house, I do not visit their house. As it is, I don't mention it, so it simply never comes up.

I would also tell *anyone* demanding a key to my safes to go ???? themselves, but that's another thread

 

[jamz]

This should have been a poll.

I would not give him a gun. The parents own the house and have every right to make it gun free if they want to- as I have the right to make my home gun-full if I want to. It's about respecting the homeowner's rights. If your cousin really wants to own a gun, he should find a more appropriate place to live. If you want to give him a wad of cash though, and let him do what he wants, well then, it's up to him to make a decision. Just tell him not to go out and get it 5 minutes after you give it to him- that might look a little suspect.

-James

 

[4v50 Gary]

Give him ducats. He's a big boy, let him make the decision. BTW, I like Geekwitha45's analysis.

 

[Rogelio]

4v50 Gary: What are "ducats"???

Now guys...about that moving out thing..here in Perú that is very rare (moving out before finishing College and getting a good paying job)...I did that as soon as I finished my second major (Both economics and Business, with a mention in international business) and my cousin is still taking his third year of law school.

BTW, I see in a lot of movies that you people in the US go away to some kind of housing when in college, but most colleges here are in Lima and they do not have rooms...so 99% of college students live with their parents..

I think I will just give him the money (although I guess I will just give him 50 USD in public -"go buy yourself 3 cd's"- and then add the rest out of my uncle's sight).

Thanks for all your answers....

Now.....how should he conceal the gun inside the house? Safes are WAY too obvious, so they are out of the question!! You guys have the good imagination... BTW, he was thinking about a book cover with a small lock, it would not draw any suspicion..I second that motion...