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Fervently anti gun parents - what to do?

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Paincakesx, May 21, 2011.

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  1. Paincakesx

    Paincakesx Member

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    Hello all,

    So I'm 21 and am currently a university student.

    This year, I've lived in the dormitories (for a number of reasons), where of course, guns are not allowed. Therefore, guns have been kept at home.

    Currently, I own 2 handguns and wish to bring them with me when I move out to an apartment.

    My mom is very anti-gun, and reluctantly went a long with me buying a gun if I go through the required safety training, which I did.

    She is generally very against me getting my CHL, but generally accepted that I wanted to and didn't make too big of a fuss.

    Now, out of nowhere, she stated that she is very against me taking my gun to my apartment. When I very politely challenged her, asking why she felt that way, she could offer no reasonable or logical answer (typical I guess of most anti-gun people). She just said she didn't like it, though it was stupid, and said things like "if you get arrested don't come to me." (what the hell that even means, I have no idea - but you see what I have to deal with).

    My guns have been purchased through MY money, so there is no issue there. The issue is that she is currently footing my college bill and is helping to pay my rent (I am a full time student in a rigorous major - getting a job to support myself at this point is near impossible). In other words, she has me by the spheres, if you know what I mean. I appreciate all this that she is doing for me here, but this one issue really bothers me.

    I've tried educating her, she refuses to have anything to do with them and doesn't even like me storing them at home for now. I don't care so much that she doesn't like guns, but is now trying to say that I can't bring them with me, which I find to be wrong considering I am of legal age, have absolutely no criminal record to speak of, and have shown no reason to believe that I would do anything unsafe or illegal with them.

    Any advice? I want to keep the peace, but this really difficult right now. I can't just move out and call it good due to my current situation, so I'm in a bit of a pickle here.

    PS: To clarify, parents are divorced - dad is generally pro gun, though his opinion has no bearing on my mom's. My mom is currently footing most of my college bills.
     
  2. LibShooter

    LibShooter Member

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    If Mom is paying your rent, morally, you are her guest. Follow her rules. If she's loaning you money that you then use to pay some of the rent, then it's your call.

    Either way, you should try to work it out with your Mom.
     
  3. hso

    hso Moderator Staff Member

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    Parents who are afraid of guns are a frequent topic.

    If you're dependent upon someone else for your upkeep then you can expect them to exert influence over all aspects of your life unless they respect you as a mature adult which means they respect the upbringing they provided.

    You're best recourse is to try to get them to accept that their fear is not your fear.. Explain that you've educated yourself on the firearms issues and the factual information around them. Ask that they explain what their concerns are about and what the basis for them are. Assure them that you'll respect what they have to say if they'll respect your side. Most people have their beliefs these days shaped by TV. The fictional depiction of firearms is sensationalized for exciting entertainment and news programming shows do the same. News programs emphasize the violent misuse of firearms 90% of the time in spite of the fact that government and private studies show firearms prevent violent crime more than they are involved in it by a factor of 100 to 1. The old news adage "If it bleeds, it leads" is well represented on local and national news, but "homeowner/business owner defends self" isn't spectacular enough to sell papers or ad time. Assure them that your intent is to be the responsible adult that they've raised you to be and that you take firearms ownership seriously enough to have put real effort into getting real information on it, but that you're more than willing to get a gun safe that can be bolted down to secure YOUR firearms if it makes them feel better about it.
     
  4. hershmeister

    hershmeister Member

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    You know the answer.

    If you want your moms $$ you'll have to deal with her issues. I ser 3 choices for you: Store your guns at your dad's place until you graduate, sell the guns, or tell your mom you want to keep them and live with the consequences
     
  5. Gord

    Gord Member

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    This comes up every now and then here.

    Like you said, she's got you by the spheres. If your not having a gun in the apartment is an absolute condition of her helping you out with rent, then there's not much to do - prop a baseball bat up next to the bed and buy a couple extra chains for the door.

    If she "just doesn't like it" but is still willing to (grudgingly) help you out, then frankly, she needs to get over it - and she eventually will, if you stop bringing it up. If you need to make an argument to her, leave it at a simple "Mom, I appreciate your input, but I feel safer knowing it's there."

    You can, of course, always just play by the "need to know" rule (Does she need to know you're bringing a gun into the apartment? No.) but if she already knows you have them and aren't planning to get rid of them, you're a little beyond that now...
     
  6. Shadow 7D

    Shadow 7D Member

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    If it isn't her house, if it isn't her roof over your head
    why are you still following her 'rules'
    sorry dude, but, you need to cut the strings, unless they are attached to something you can't part with.

    Explain to her that you differ on this point, and either you both can accept it and let it be, or it can be a wedge.
     
  7. jojo200517

    jojo200517 Member

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    So she doesn't want them in her house but doesn't want you to take them to the apartment with you? Seems like she can't really have it both ways. Might not be the best advice but since you have your CHL it doesn't seem like a far stretch to just carry it with you when you move and not say anything about taking them to the apartment with you.
     
  8. mljdeckard

    mljdeckard Member

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    The above are both correct. If you were free and on your own, we wouldn't be having this conversation. It sucks, but we all had to sever the ties in our own way and time. It's kind of the same as when we talk to guys who are bummed that they have to wait a year or two to get their permits. The time they have to wait sucks, but after they have it, it wasn't such a big deal. Bite the bullet, go to summer semesters, finish early, get your own place. That's life man. :)
     
  9. jhb

    jhb Member

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    uh, if your 21 you are well over being an adult. maybe remind mom your not a little kid anymore.

    that would be my advice if she wasn't paying your bills, but you said she was...so lock the guns in the safe at her house or dad's or where ever she's okay with, or sell them.

    when your out of school and paying your own way you can do what you want. i learned this the hard way, myself. until you are paying your own way, you don't have allot of leverage.
     
  10. mljdeckard

    mljdeckard Member

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    I remember when I first moved out, I lived on trash cereals my mom would never buy for two months straight. I had Cap'n Crunch coating on the roof of my mouth the whole time. :D
     
  11. Paincakesx

    Paincakesx Member

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    Alright guys, thank for the responses. I understand that with her paying my rent / college bills, that there is little leverage I can get.

    Thus, I'm wondering if maybe there is anything I can do to help her "see the light," as they say.
     
  12. littlmak

    littlmak Member

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    Maybe it's not you she's worried about directly. What about your friends, or friends of friends. If you're on a shoestring budget I can only imagine the apt. you can afford is not in the most secure bld. Or in the most secure neighborhood. Her biggest fear may be someone getting to your gun and using it on you. After all that's been the mantra for the last 30 yrs. in the media. Why wouldn't she think it? Do you have a "safe" to store them in while you're at class/work? Show it to her, This may ease the situation some. A quick word to the wise... Nobody in or around your apt. needs to know that you have firearms in your place. Not even the ocasional weekend guest.
     
  13. goon

    goon Member

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    At my university it's possible to keep any guns you own at the public safety office under the guard of campus police. One of my friends had to do that with his deer rifle at one point. Does your campus have this option?
     
  14. Gord

    Gord Member

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    Cookie Crisp, man. Mom would never buy that stuff because it was $6 a box and "complete junk." Nothing ever tasted so good...
     
  15. Paincakesx

    Paincakesx Member

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    This is actually very possible - she has said that she is afraid of somebody breaking into her house and grabbing my guns.
     
  16. mgregg85

    mgregg85 Member

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    Well you can either stand your ground and start paying your own way or give in to your mother.

    Or a third option you could try, buy a nice gun safe and show her how you plan to safely and securely store your weapons. Maybe that will convince her.
     
  17. LibShooter

    LibShooter Member

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    Probably not. If there were a simple, convincing argument, the NRA wouldn't have to spend millions on lobbying and messaging. My guess is your mother is not going to change her mind, ever.
     
  18. GRIZ22

    GRIZ22 Member

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    If you want to benefit from your Mother's generosity I'd say you have to play by her rules. When you are providing for yourself you can make your own rules.
     
  19. mg.mikael

    mg.mikael Member

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    Sounds like your mother is worried about you, with her wanting you to take a course and what not before getting the handguns. I think the reason for her wanting you not to take the handguns out of her house is that she feels secure/better knowing she has the ability to watch over them. To resolve this, why not get a safe of some sort to lock the guns up in your new apartment, hopefully this will resolve the fears she has of letting the guns out of her house and shows you'll go the extra mile for safety.
     
  20. Gord

    Gord Member

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    In the "and then use them against you" sense or the "and then they'll go kill a cop with them and I'LL BE/FEEL RESPONSIBLE" sense?

    There is a big difference.
     
  21. Paincakesx

    Paincakesx Member

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    The latter I believe.
     
  22. Gord

    Gord Member

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    I figured. Yeah, she's been indoctrinated and probably isn't going to change her mind or "see the light" anytime soon. Some folks are just like that; religion, abortion, drugs, whatever. It doesn't matter what pro/con arguments you make or how many statistics you throw out - they "know" what they believe and that's that.

    Heck, it's on display right here at THR. Take a look at the locked medical-marijuana thread in Legal...
     
  23. Dr_B

    Dr_B member

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    Whose name will be on the lease? If it's yours, I say take the guns no matter who is paying the rent. It's your place.

    No matter where you go, there will always be someone who doesn't like what you're doing even if you're doing nothing wrong.
     
  24. northark147

    northark147 Member

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    I'm no help but at least she doesn't like guns and that is that. You could be in my shape and here her constantly nagging about how she doesn't understand why I spend so much money on gun stuff, because she doesn't like them and sees no use for them. Well almost constant, she seems to get a lot nicer about it when she wants me to clean, inspect, repair, refurbish the ones she has. Right now I have her very nice Ruger Mark II Stainless target pistol to clean (even though it hasn't been shot since last time I cleaned it, or at least it wasn't till I got it and function checked the hell out of it before breaking it down for cleaning) and another Ruger Mark II that she found stuffed in some deep dark corner of her mothers attic that I am working on cleaning up and parkerizing. Mom's can be funny business I guess.
     
  25. paramedic70002

    paramedic70002 Member

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    Remind her that one day you will be picking her nursing home.

    OK but really, you've got to get to the real root issue. May take patient conversation and some kind digging. The danger is that the more you probe, the deeper she may go.

    Try clever questioning? Do you trust me? Did you raise me to be safe and law abiding? Etc.
     
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