Gun-related joke exchange - Get and donate them here. No obligations. No money down

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Chisel Head

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George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi,was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?"
He said, "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.".
Then the police dispatcher said, "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.".
George said, "Okay.".
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again..

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!".
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
 
Very nice. Here's mine.

A man with a knife rushes a Californian and a Texan with murderous intentions.

The Californian Response: "Is this man truly going to kill me? Is he a victim of substance abuse? Did he have a troubled childhood? Or is he just angry with society?"

The Texan Response: *Draws Glock 21* BANG BANG BANG ... BANG *Slide locks back*
 
An former girlfriend of mine and I talk fairly often. I told her once about a cute gal that I chatted up at a local bookstore, because she was literally the first woman I've seen there browsing the magazines, and was quite attractive, to boot.
Me: "I couldn't believe I met someone that's so into guns. She keeps one on every floor!"
Ex-GF: "I think she has you beat!"
Me: "I only have one floor."
 
Reporter to US Marine Sniper : " So umm whats the first thing you feel as you kill and Al-Qaeda insurgent.

US Marine Sniper : Recoil

Its old and everyone knows but it has the originality to still make you laugh :D
 
the best and worst gun jokes... EVER!

Guns cause crime.
hahahahaha Ohhh, man that one makes me laugh every time!

A ban on Assault Weapons makes us safer... LMAO!

"cop-killer bullets"

Any news show talking-head talking about guns

"I can't really shoot well with any gun other than Brand X"

When a gangbanger tips his Glock on its side.

CCW permits... No, actually that one is a real stinker...
 
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