Sir Galahad
member
This is an addendum to our previous Field Guide.
1.) ONE SHOT SCHLOCK----This is the guy who lives and breathes the "one shot stop" theory. This is the guy who, when will swear up and down that a .50-90 Sharps buffalo rifle will not stop a guy with a head shot at 10 feet because everyone knows there is not a Hydra-Shok load in .50-90 Sharps. This guy can be found argung with Penetration Pete about the merits of rapid expansion and energy dump as per various magazine writers visits to morgues no one ever gets to hear the names of versus the ability of a bullet to pass through a bad guy and then continue on through at least 15 brick walls with enough energy left to kill the elephant at the city zoo. Of course, The Critic will denounce all of it as a "bunch of crap because everyone knows that the guns they suggest are POS". One Stop Schlock would dearly love to see the effects of bullets on actual cadavers, but he passed out during the fetal pig dissection in high school biology class, so he is reduced to reading the various offerings over at Paladin Press. While he can talk with ease about livers flying into a thousand pieces (mmm-mmm, just add onions and bacon) and bullets that impart enough kinetic energy to cause a secondary blast wave from intestinal gas, if he cuts himself shaving, alas, he cannot look into the mirror.
2.) ADAM 12 YEARS OLD----This is the guy who has to have EVERYTHING the police have. Yep, this is the guy chicks run, don't walk, to get away from. (you know, the kind of guy that maybe prepares for a date by buying duct tape and rope.) Yes, sometimes ths guy works mall security. Has a police canner in his car and house. Responds to police calls and offers his help to the police. This guy is always GOT to shoot whatever the cops shoot. If the cops were still using 158 gr. Lead Round Nose that's what this guy would be using. He has it all: cop gun belt, cop tonfa, cop pepper spray, cop handcuffs (don't ask to much about those) and cop mag pouches. This guy goes so far as to call up and ask the detectives what kind of underarm deodorant they wear so he can make sure his shoulder holster smells authentic. So how come he isn't a cop? Most departments do psych evals. You do the math.
3.) GEAR MAN---Can't miss this guy. This is the guy with the M4 that has a flashlight, red dot, laser sight, nightscope, range finder, video camera, GPS, Nintendo, internet access, and polaroid camera all mounted on the handguard. This is for home defense. See, this way if al Quaida decides to nab his underwear to use as a WMD, he'll be ready. Never mind that he has had to mount dolly wheels under the barrel to support this abudance of gear. A real disadvantage is that this crap has a little speaker that says "you've got mail!" at the most inopportune times. This guy has all this crap and still gets outshot by a 10 year old with a single shot .22, but he looks real cool anyway at the range---like a real operator.
4.) DISCOUNT DAN---Yeah, so you thought you'd just pop into your local shop and buy a few boxes of ammo and maybe see that new rifle you heard was in stock. You thought wrong. Because you know that guy who drives to 15 different grocery stores because each one has one or two items a few cents cheaper than the others? Well, he's in there. "Awwww, come on! I'll give you $400 for that Weatherby tops! And you throw in ten boxes of ammo!" "It costs WHAT?!? Are you crazy?!? Who is stupid enought to pay that much for that?!?" "That hunk o' crap costs WHAT?!?" "What are those bullets, made of gold or sumptin'?!?" "Awww, I saw those mags at a gun show back in 1963 and they were only a nickle!" "Are you kiddin'?!? What the heck did you sell me this rifle if it was so expensive to shoot! You didn't tell me .22LR was so darn expensive! Geez, I might as well be shooting Nitro Express the prices are so similar!" "You're nuts! That Wolf 7.62x39mm ammo must be made of platinum! I've never seen prices that high on ammo ever!" "Awww, those Glocks are crap! I'll give you $50 for it. C'mon, make me a deal!" It'd be one thing if this guy just said this and left. But then he haggles like a trader at a Samarkand bazaar. In the end, he buys nothing. But now your time is up and you never did get what you came in for.
5.) THE GUN CORONER----This is the guy that when you bring your gun in to see if an accessory fits it, says "Can I see that?" Without asking, he starts to do a detail disassemble on it. He tells you how you #$%^&&** up the trigger with your careless, sloppy work (it came from the factory like that and actually is great). He tells you "you're cleaning it too much and ruining the bore" (because everyone knows that cloth cleaning patches cause bore wear more than copper jacketed bullets moving at a couple thousand feet per second.) He then loses you a couple screws and says it'll work better without them. Then he offers you $60 to "take it off your hands". At this point, you're ready to buttstroke the guy except he's in front of the glass display case and can't afford to replace it if he falls into it. So, you ask for a bag to take your gun back to the car while this guy goes on running his mouth and complaining about people who bring their guns in and work on them on the counter.
These people are everywhere. Beware. Be afraid. Be very afraid...
1.) ONE SHOT SCHLOCK----This is the guy who lives and breathes the "one shot stop" theory. This is the guy who, when will swear up and down that a .50-90 Sharps buffalo rifle will not stop a guy with a head shot at 10 feet because everyone knows there is not a Hydra-Shok load in .50-90 Sharps. This guy can be found argung with Penetration Pete about the merits of rapid expansion and energy dump as per various magazine writers visits to morgues no one ever gets to hear the names of versus the ability of a bullet to pass through a bad guy and then continue on through at least 15 brick walls with enough energy left to kill the elephant at the city zoo. Of course, The Critic will denounce all of it as a "bunch of crap because everyone knows that the guns they suggest are POS". One Stop Schlock would dearly love to see the effects of bullets on actual cadavers, but he passed out during the fetal pig dissection in high school biology class, so he is reduced to reading the various offerings over at Paladin Press. While he can talk with ease about livers flying into a thousand pieces (mmm-mmm, just add onions and bacon) and bullets that impart enough kinetic energy to cause a secondary blast wave from intestinal gas, if he cuts himself shaving, alas, he cannot look into the mirror.
2.) ADAM 12 YEARS OLD----This is the guy who has to have EVERYTHING the police have. Yep, this is the guy chicks run, don't walk, to get away from. (you know, the kind of guy that maybe prepares for a date by buying duct tape and rope.) Yes, sometimes ths guy works mall security. Has a police canner in his car and house. Responds to police calls and offers his help to the police. This guy is always GOT to shoot whatever the cops shoot. If the cops were still using 158 gr. Lead Round Nose that's what this guy would be using. He has it all: cop gun belt, cop tonfa, cop pepper spray, cop handcuffs (don't ask to much about those) and cop mag pouches. This guy goes so far as to call up and ask the detectives what kind of underarm deodorant they wear so he can make sure his shoulder holster smells authentic. So how come he isn't a cop? Most departments do psych evals. You do the math.
3.) GEAR MAN---Can't miss this guy. This is the guy with the M4 that has a flashlight, red dot, laser sight, nightscope, range finder, video camera, GPS, Nintendo, internet access, and polaroid camera all mounted on the handguard. This is for home defense. See, this way if al Quaida decides to nab his underwear to use as a WMD, he'll be ready. Never mind that he has had to mount dolly wheels under the barrel to support this abudance of gear. A real disadvantage is that this crap has a little speaker that says "you've got mail!" at the most inopportune times. This guy has all this crap and still gets outshot by a 10 year old with a single shot .22, but he looks real cool anyway at the range---like a real operator.
4.) DISCOUNT DAN---Yeah, so you thought you'd just pop into your local shop and buy a few boxes of ammo and maybe see that new rifle you heard was in stock. You thought wrong. Because you know that guy who drives to 15 different grocery stores because each one has one or two items a few cents cheaper than the others? Well, he's in there. "Awwww, come on! I'll give you $400 for that Weatherby tops! And you throw in ten boxes of ammo!" "It costs WHAT?!? Are you crazy?!? Who is stupid enought to pay that much for that?!?" "That hunk o' crap costs WHAT?!?" "What are those bullets, made of gold or sumptin'?!?" "Awww, I saw those mags at a gun show back in 1963 and they were only a nickle!" "Are you kiddin'?!? What the heck did you sell me this rifle if it was so expensive to shoot! You didn't tell me .22LR was so darn expensive! Geez, I might as well be shooting Nitro Express the prices are so similar!" "You're nuts! That Wolf 7.62x39mm ammo must be made of platinum! I've never seen prices that high on ammo ever!" "Awww, those Glocks are crap! I'll give you $50 for it. C'mon, make me a deal!" It'd be one thing if this guy just said this and left. But then he haggles like a trader at a Samarkand bazaar. In the end, he buys nothing. But now your time is up and you never did get what you came in for.
5.) THE GUN CORONER----This is the guy that when you bring your gun in to see if an accessory fits it, says "Can I see that?" Without asking, he starts to do a detail disassemble on it. He tells you how you #$%^&&** up the trigger with your careless, sloppy work (it came from the factory like that and actually is great). He tells you "you're cleaning it too much and ruining the bore" (because everyone knows that cloth cleaning patches cause bore wear more than copper jacketed bullets moving at a couple thousand feet per second.) He then loses you a couple screws and says it'll work better without them. Then he offers you $60 to "take it off your hands". At this point, you're ready to buttstroke the guy except he's in front of the glass display case and can't afford to replace it if he falls into it. So, you ask for a bag to take your gun back to the car while this guy goes on running his mouth and complaining about people who bring their guns in and work on them on the counter.
These people are everywhere. Beware. Be afraid. Be very afraid...
