Sir Galahad
member
What do I do for a living? Well, didn't you guess? I am actually the head of the CIA. 
I do my precision shooting from a special rifle loaded with special wildcat oads mounted on killer satellites (no, not the Georgia Satellites, and not whatever garage punk band might be calling themselves the Killer Satellites since BarfBag and the Anecephelacs didn't sound cool enough). I secretly control the currency. When I want to buy a new firearm, I fluctuate the market (no sound-pun intended) so the prices drop and then I buy. As head of the CIA, I don't draw a large salary, so I have to take my perks in other ways. If I told youall of them, I'd have to have you all held incommunicado in a military brig where you will be forced to watch re-runs of Hart To Hart, Knight Rider, and Falcon's Crest and fed a steady diet of Swanson's Hungry Man Chili Mac meals. And the toilet paper will be torn sheets of cardboard. Do not trifle with me, mortals. For, yea, though I walk through the corridors of the shadows of politicians, I shall fear no beaureucrat, for I am the keeper of game where I am pulling their strings. You laugh now, but don't laugh too hard, lest you find yourself riding in the backseat of my Black Helicopter. You'll know it's mine because it has fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view mirror and little dice knobs on the controls and a little red devil decal on the back. And also a "My Child Is An Honor Student At An Undisclosed Location" bumper sticker, too. Fear me, o mortals, for my footsteps are as bones clacking in the night and the rustle of my black uniform as the whisper of a raven's wing.
I do my precision shooting from a special rifle loaded with special wildcat oads mounted on killer satellites (no, not the Georgia Satellites, and not whatever garage punk band might be calling themselves the Killer Satellites since BarfBag and the Anecephelacs didn't sound cool enough). I secretly control the currency. When I want to buy a new firearm, I fluctuate the market (no sound-pun intended) so the prices drop and then I buy. As head of the CIA, I don't draw a large salary, so I have to take my perks in other ways. If I told youall of them, I'd have to have you all held incommunicado in a military brig where you will be forced to watch re-runs of Hart To Hart, Knight Rider, and Falcon's Crest and fed a steady diet of Swanson's Hungry Man Chili Mac meals. And the toilet paper will be torn sheets of cardboard. Do not trifle with me, mortals. For, yea, though I walk through the corridors of the shadows of politicians, I shall fear no beaureucrat, for I am the keeper of game where I am pulling their strings. You laugh now, but don't laugh too hard, lest you find yourself riding in the backseat of my Black Helicopter. You'll know it's mine because it has fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view mirror and little dice knobs on the controls and a little red devil decal on the back. And also a "My Child Is An Honor Student At An Undisclosed Location" bumper sticker, too. Fear me, o mortals, for my footsteps are as bones clacking in the night and the rustle of my black uniform as the whisper of a raven's wing.
Another favorite is the gun show dealer telling the recent widow that her dead husbands Winchester 1873 .22 rimfire is only worth $150.
But he is willing to take it off her hands.
