Handling handshakes from strangers...?

Status
Not open for further replies.
My standard response when I'm not inclined to return a handshake is a friendly "sorry, I'm sick". You should NOT be shaking hands with complete strangers you encounter out on the street, especially if you're carrying on your right side.

Sure, some of people are just being friendly, or don't know any better. Some people are sizing you up.
 
"Hey, sorry man, just scratched myself, haven't washed yet, have a nice day."

Pocket rig front offsides, if you MUST, keep weak hand wrapped around your pocket revolver/auto while your strong hand is taken out of play.
 
I have shaken hands tens of thousands of times. Never turned one down, never had a problem. No disrespect intended, but some of you guys might be a little bit overly cautious.
 
BBC -- "I have shaken hands tens of thousands of times. Never turned one down, never had a problem. No disrespect intended, but some of you guys might be a little bit overly cautious. "

I lived in Los Angeles for over 35 years. I was also in law enforcement for almost 15 years. I could take you to many streets, alleyways and byways in Los Angeles, where I'd bet you'd rethink your position. ;)

L.W.
 
I have shaken hands tens of thousands of times. Never turned one down, never had a problem. No disrespect intended, but some of you guys might be a little bit overly cautious.
Those of us who grew up in Lake Woebegone might well believe that.

Those of us who grew up on the southeast side of Chicago generally DON'T.
 
My standard response when I'm not inclined to return a handshake is a friendly "sorry, I'm sick". You should NOT be shaking hands with complete strangers you encounter out on the street, especially if you're carrying on your right side.

Another reason I am glad to be a lefty.
 
Many people try to take advantage of people's good nature, hoping they can gain some type of manipulation out of an individual's desire not to be "considered rude".

Don't let them.

You can usually tell when you encounter those types as you can see it in their eyes when they realize you are NOT one of those submissive folks, and you WILL stand your ground. This is usually enough to send them on their way looking for easier prey.
 
Another reason I am glad to be a lefty.
Even if you're not a lefty, there's no reason you can't offer your left hand instead. That usually confuses the other person instead of you as they try to figure out what they hell you're doing. Leaves your right hand free for drawing if needed.
All that aside, my momma always told me not to talk to strangers so...
 
Yeah, where you are from makes all the difference in the world.

I am fortunate to not have to live in fear of handshakes but I understand that living in other parts of the land may be different.
 
Best to not grasp a hand. With a little practice, you can break a wrist...then you're grabbing your wrist instead of your weapon...and he's giving you a beat down.

My son just says "I've got nothing for you". If he is pumping gas, he holds the gas nozzle out of the car. Yep...he would hose 'em.

Mark
 
Interesting meld of ideas and ideals here.... thanks for all the input...

While I value all the input from everyone, some of it is notably a little misguided. I note right off that I live in a so-so part of a major metropolitan area in the US and that I frequent the 'yeah, it's bad' neighborhoods frequently.... Anyone who would not refuse a handshake to anyone ever wouldn't keep that attitude long here (I tried....lol)... it only takes 1 time having someone drop a packet of crack cocaine in your hand as you shake hands before you realize that "SHAKE A HAND MAKE A FRIEND" shouted at you from down the sidewalk is not a 'non business' let's be friends approach... lol...

I'm in an odd spot here, mostly because I've lived in the city now for 17(?) years, and I have yet to meet someone in this type of situation where they were actually helping, interested in, or concerned about me.

Some just want to tell a tale of woe (I am convinced in hopes of me offering financial assistance, even the times they don't ask). Some are asking straight up for cash (usually just spare change). Some are verifiable insane. Some are zealots of some sort (religious, political or otherwise). None have ever offered to help me (aside from perhaps 'saving animals or my soul/country/world')....

This seems almost impossible to me, because I know I have stopped on many occasions to help out a complete stranger in some manner or another. Heck, part of why I carry all the time is because you never know when you might need to put yourself out on a limb a little to help out someone else, not just yourself.

I have been known to stop for the broken down car on the freeway. Pick up the freezing hitchhiker shaking on the side of the road. Offer the ride home to the drunk at the bar who's about to drive. Actually come over and see what's going on when someone screams for help (odd, I know).

These things ALL make me more vulnerable, and I wouldn't even consider them in a "Mad Max" world.... but it's not a Mad Max world out there... in fact, I would have to agree with The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy that it is "mostly harmless"...

Part of why I carry is so that I can go about being "me" with confidence.... I don't freak out about picking up an old man hitching on the side of the road, or stopping to pull a car out of a ditch, or go to the gas station in the bad part of town at night... it just reassures me about going about the things I need or want to do... I know I'm a bit safer than the next guy will likely be... I got an "ace in the hole" as it were....

Honestly, if I can't go about my life being a decent guy and being who I want to be, well, what sense is there to it all? A gun is a tool mentally as well, as feeling more safe and secure is directly relevant to a happier life. Doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, is the essence of freedom. Being armed is part of how I protect that freedom from the thugs or whatnot who might try to take that from me.

The handshake issue throws me more than most issues with 'strangers', mostly because it could give them a decisive physical advantage over me.... one that as hardtarget noted, could leave me grasping for a broken wrist instead of a firearm... but, at the same time, what are the odds of some crook being trained like that? (I have no idea... lol)
 
Last edited:
"On the street, let no stranger take your hand."
-Jeff Cooper, principles of personal defense


BTW, I have–in days past–run my own martial arts school and, while no royce gracie, I am passably familiar with a number of ways to turn a handshake from day brightener to day ruiner. That said, I am definitely of the opinion that grappling with strangers on the street is a lot like arguing on the internet; no real good can come of it.

I'm firmly with the folks above who say "no way". But I too might actually come over and see what's going on when someone screams for help... just so long as nobody tries to shake my hand when I get there...
;)
 
Well if I was on the job as the OP suggests, I would think that it is my duty to shake their hands. As if it is your personal business you might be hurting it, or if not yours get a bunch of complaints and get sent packing for hurting their business. That doesn't mean you drop your guard, it means you bave to be more observant and mindful of your surroundings and situations. On the other hand if its a pan handler, bum, or he is acting in a way that make you uncomfortable go with your gut and do what you got to do.

Most of the time it comes down to the situation ie, in a store a salesman comes up, church, social functions, I will shake hands. In most other situations I wont. If in a situation where I dont want to shake their hand, I can usually tell there intent as they are offering there hand beyond my personal space. As they are offering the hand I raise my hand up kinda like a police officer giving the stop signal with a little waive. I don't offer my hand and it stops them from persuing further. They will usually stop and conversation starts where they are. If they continue to pursue the shake or invade my space that I am not comfortable with, that is handled in a much different way, I tend to get a little rude at that point.
 
Cornbred brings up an important factor - trusting your instincts about the situation.

I get approached a lot more than the average person, I think because I'm so tall I stand out in the crowd (pardon the pun) and when they're just looking for someone, anyone to engage, they can single me out faster than others.
I'm definitely not afraid of shaking hands with a stranger, just shaking hands with the wrong kind of stranger. Fortunately out on the street (where this usually happens to me) you're given plenty of time to observe the individual before he ever approaches you, usually because he's approaching other people first.

If it's some young, clean shaven kid with a North Face backpack handing out pamphlets for Greenpeace I'm going to be a lot more open to normal social interactions than if he smells like bad whiskey and body odor and is dressed in filthy clothes. You can usually tell when someone's up to no good, either because they're obvious about it or they're trying too hard to not be obvious about it.
 
If the hand shaker is acting sheisty and just reaching for your hand, there's a good chance he's a crack head. Withdraw your hand from his grasp. He won't be offended, he knows what he's doing, just looking for someone he can BS. If he keeps grabbing at your hand smack him in the eye.
 
Here is rule of thumb. If a guy comes to you with an extended hand straight off the get go. Dont Shake. If you have been talking to the guy for a short period of time and he either goes to introduce himself or the conversation has ended and the Hand is extended. It should be OK to shake.

I currently live in the suburb but my day to day travel takes me to the inner city. I find my self in your very situation on a regular basis and I find that as long as I live by this rule I am ok. My cousin had a guy walk up to him at a gas pump and then not let go of his hand. He wound up having to put the guy on his face in order to get him to let go.

There is also the whole cleanliness aspect but you should definitely use your discretion on that.
 
As a police officer, I don't shake hands with the vast majority of the folks I deal with at work. I'm not an absolutist about this tactic, and don't have problems shaking hands with those folks I've judged to be "normal" (ie: most burglary victims, etc).

Because of my work habits, I've found myself less inclined to shake hands outside of work. I'll certainly do so in social settings, or when being introduced to someone, or conducting business with a person. But, my inclination to shake hands with a person on the street isn't so high. I was also raised in an environment where real men shook hands, and it was considered an insult not to. However, the streets aren't where the real men are found!

As others have mentioned, an untimely and unsolicited handshake from a stranger on a big city street could mean a few things. I'd break these down as follows:

1) Nothing... not likely when a stranger approaches for no obvious reason and wishes to shake your hands.

2) A precursor to an attack... This is certainly possible, but not necessarily the most likely outcome.

3) To slow you down, engage you, and drive you to interact with that person... A classic panhandler's tactic, and I see it on a daily basis with the bums in my precinct.

4) A start to a non-violent criminal scam (pick-pocketing, etc)... likelihood often depends on where you are in the world.



Avoiding handshakes in the street-bum situations is often my preference, though many folks just go along with it. To avoid the handshake, consider a few tactics:

1) Ignore the extended hand, look the person in the eye, and give a simple "Can I help you?" response. They'll state their case, and you'll respond by saying that you're busy, not interested, etc.

2) Tell them you have the flu, and don't want to get them sick.

3) Tell them you don't need anything, and go on about your business.


Here is rule of thumb. If a guy comes to you with an extended hand straight off the get go. Dont Shake. If you have been talking to the guy for a short period of time and he either goes to introduce himself or the conversation has ended and the Hand is extended. It should be OK to shake.

I was about to add a drawn out explanation of this point when I noticed that someone had already stated it more simply than I could have. This is good advice for on-street encounters! Obviously things are quite different in a business environment, etc.
 
i'm fine with shaking hands during business, social gatherings etc. i don't allow people i don't know into my personal space. usually when a bum approachees me with his hand out i will take a step back and ask what he needs. if you don't feel comfortable with a person don't let them near you, always trust your instincts.
 
I've had a bully in a business situation try to crush my hand.
Fortunately, i was alerted by my co-worker who had commented, "Wow, that's quite a grip!" as he was being crushed.

My co-worker is a smaller man - about 5'2" and proportional weight.
The bully was a big guy - 6' about 210.
I went deep on the handshake, and he couldn't crush me, even though he tried.
I grinned at him and he went to his second crappy move, he pulled me towards him as if to pull me down.

I had had enough at that point and went into combat mode.
I resisted the pull a bit, then launched myself at his upper chest with weak side elbow.

He went backwards across his car hood and I danced back, asking if he wanted some of me?

He said, "Yeah, I'm gonna..."

And then he stopped as I pulled the lockblade knife out and partially extended the blade.

I kept it low and discreet by my side with blade only partially deployed, but that ****bird knew I was willing and competent.

He ****, climbed into his vehicle (he was leaving anyway) and left.

I got my LTCF shortly thereafter and I don't shake hands with people as much anymore.

I hate bullies, and I won't be pushed around.
 
Depends on the situation whether shaking hands is advisable and how you deal with it.

Southnarc has a great course that incorporates dealing with street "interviews" like this. Well worth taking. He advocates circling the person who has approached you and using some scripted distracting phrases as you avoid and check your back path for someone approaching you from behind. "Your MaMa still in the hospital? Tell her I said "Hi"." as your circle wide and check six.

In a situation in which you're not already moving you can easily claim Swine/Bird/Wombat Flu and hold up your hands in a guard position as you move around the person who's approached you as you "head for the bathroom", "gotta get some hand cleaner", etc.

If you can't move off to break contact you can use the same "sorry, got the flu" excuse for not shaking hands and for keeping the person who has approached you at a safer distance.

Being able to break contact requires forethought and planning so that you're not fumbling for something to say and it takes practice so you're not trying to figure out what to do in the middle of it.

Self Defense/Martial Arts training, even if it's focused on just this sort of situation, if valuable so that you can learn some physical techniques when contact has been made and you've found yourself in the beginning of a physical altercation. Focus on breaking contact and not on getting into an extended fight where any partners the BG may have can engage.
 
I have lived all my life in the suburbs of Atlanta and spent a lot of time working in some of the down town areas. I don't mind being rude. I don't allow street people to engage me if it is at all possible to avoid it. I guess I have just seen too much. As someone else said the cleanliness issue is enough to make it a bad idea.
 
Those of us who grew up in Lake Woebegone might well believe that.

Those of us who grew up on the southeast side of Chicago generally DON'T.

+1 on that grew up in Slag Valley/Memorial Park, nice area surrounded by not so nice.

I don't care for handshakes, I go with the more common friendly head nod and verbal acknowledgement.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top