Handling handshakes from strangers...?

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In my work, I have to shake hands frequently that I would not want to - either I come across a jerk that is safe or I find a happy medium. One of our trainers at my dept did personal protection overseas for a few years, and he taught me the tactical handshake...


It sounds funny, but it is how dignitaries are taught to shake hands, you keep your index finger pointed into their wrist. This keeps you in control of their grip and makes it easier to brake the grip and release.

So may choose not to bother shaking hands, for me, and my culture around me I choose to do so but safely.
 
As unfortunate as it is to say, ( puffing up and a big bass voice) is probably the best way to handle these situations.
Especially on the wrong side of the tracks at the wrong hour of the day.

Shaking hands and being polite could lead you to allow someone getting to close with bad intentions.

Reading situations is a social skill learned through many interactions with many different people.
 
Quote/ Yeah, it seemed a little over the top to treat a business associate that way.... lol... there must be something we don't know....

I have yet to pull a weapon on someone for shaking my hand too hard.... but maybe I'm just an old softy by todays standard. Quote/

There's difference between shaking a hand too hard, and trying to hurt somebody.
This bully was trying to hurt / conquer me, the way he hurt my buddy.

I didn't let him and he tried a different way to humiliate me.
I foiled that plan and when he wanted combat, I shut him down.

The customer was off to the left and never saw the blade.

We went on to close the sale.
 
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I would have to question why some random stranger would want to shake hands in the first place. Assuming you aren't at a dinner party or the Catalina Wine Mixer, it really isn't something that should come up. If it does, then something is probably amiss. I think whatever situation you are in... location...time of day...other people around...whatever, should be taken into account before the notion that "people are generally good" should be accepted.

Plus, my mom taught me to stay away from strangers unless they know the "safe" word.
 
pseudoguilt

Trust your instincts on this one. "Bad idea!"

When receiving an introduction or giving one, the hand shake is part of it.
How ever, it is also used in the bad parts of town, by the bad men of those areas to size you up.
That is often a preliminary to their decision whether to proceed to make you a victim.
Other similar ploys are asking for the time to get your eyes away from them and what they may do, or asking for a light, that kind of thing.

If a stranger walks up and offers his hand, let him remain a stranger and guard your self.

Some thugs will use the race card with this ploy, knowing that refusing to shake hands may make you feel a false guilt, when it is simply not the case.

There is an old martial art technique called the Devil's handshake that you should beware of.
 
The stranger trying to shake your hand is at a minimum an opening to beg for money and at worst a ploy/distraction to steal from you, attack you, pick your pocket, or attack you...

Why would you EVER voluntarily touch a total strangers' hand who is begging/homeless, etc outside a gas station in a sketchy 'hood? You have no idea where they've been, what diseases they may carry, where their hands have been (think of some VERY gross private places...)...

NO WAY am I shaking hands under these circumstances. Yes I've been in that situation and when they approach to beg, shake hands, etc, I use a variety of tactics including walking past them, the thousand yard stare, or frankly verbal statements and hand gestures that make it clear I'm not interested in engaging them. They are savy enough to realize I'm not a sucker and move on.
 
I had had enough at that point and went into combat mode.
I resisted the pull a bit, then launched myself at his upper chest with weak side elbow.

He went backwards across his car hood and I danced back, asking if he wanted some of me?

He said, "Yeah, I'm gonna..."

And then he stopped as I pulled the lockblade knife out and partially extended the blade.

I kept it low and discreet by my side with blade only partially deployed, but that ****bird knew I was willing and competent.

He ****, climbed into his vehicle (he was leaving anyway) and left.

I got my LTCF shortly thereafter and I don't shake hands with people as much anymore.

I hate bullies, and I won't be pushed around.

it's a good thing the other guy didn't have a gun, that would have been a good way of getting yourself shot. i'm all for not allowing yourself to be bullied but pulling an edged weapon on a person when they appeared unarmed seems like escalating the situation.
 
it's a good thing the other guy didn't have a gun, that would have been a good way of getting yourself shot. i'm all for not allowing yourself to be bullied but pulling an edged weapon on a person when they appeared unarmed seems like escalating the situation.


HEY!!! It's how he does business..... If you don't like it, do your business elsewhere..... ;)

It wasn't this poor guy was it?... :what:

Remind me not to do a FTF sale with that guy.... lol...

I'm just messin' with you.... don't shiv me or anything... :)
 
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This is not an uncommon scenario on Chicago streets. Generally, it's the precursor to being asked for money; where it goes from there can be unpredictable.

First, with all due deference to the martial artists who have offered their suggestions, your suggestions aren't going to work for most people. I've had a bit of martial arts training, and my experience is that it takes a lot of practice to successfully employ those techniques. Also, lest anyone be convinced by the videos, my experience has also been that these training scenarios often see the purported "bad guy" sparring partner reacting in the optimal fashion to allow the lock, hold or strike to be employed. I don't think it's intentional chicanery, but I've seen this in martial arts classes--the bad guy-soon-to-be-beaten-up-guy subconsciously acts and reacts in a manner that allows the technique to succeed. In life, it often doesn't work out that way. The muggers haven't seen the video.

Anyway, this is my approach: While it is not generally the case in American society, occasionally a well-intentioned stranger will offer a handshake. If my gut tells me that's what's happening, I'll go with the flow. However, that's not a scenario that has presented itself to me on Chicago streets. If approached, I hold up my hand, palm facing the stranger (the "halt" gesture) and either say "No!" or "Not now!" Sometimes that will generate a muttered response, but generally they just move on to the next target.

Really, it's all about control. If you succumb to their nonverbal initiative, you may have lost both the physical and psychological edge you need to maintain your safety. If you set the terms of your encounter, you maintain your options. When these things happen, I'd also suggest that you need to maintain total situational awareness--often the scammers and strong-arm robbers operate in tandem with others. Don't assume that the guy approaching you overtly is the only one "working" you.
 
good point mistermike

also allowing someone you don't know and may possibly have a bad feeling about that close to you is also an unspoken signal to a would-be bg that you have surrendered or submitted to them allready. if you tell them to keep their distance you usually see their dimeanor change when this happens.
 
I come from the Bronx. If I don't know you, ESPECIALLY at a gas station late at night, I try not to let you get close enough to me to grab me. I'm certainly not going to assist you by giving you my hand. And once or twice, I've had to tell someone to back the %^&* off when they did get too close. That's just common sense. And chances are that if they get pissed, it's at not having chosen a meek enough victim.
 
My left shoulder barely works, leaving my left arm bent and clawed across my gut, and my Right hand usually has a 6 lb walking stick made of steel pipe, reinforced with a wooden dowel internally, epoxied and textured to approximate wood, and capped with a large knob of wood with a steel dowel inside.

www.mendowood.com, the other half of my CCW pairing. speak softly, carry a big stick, and backup.

Don't have to shake hands when your hand is full, and after years of carrying this monster, my one good arm is disturbingly solid. if the right hand can't already take care of any threat not requiring ballistic solutions... left arm has JUST enough left in it for a light trigger pull.

Being visibly disabled in America is like dumping a bucket of blood in shark infested water. We have even less leeway to absorb someone elses abuse in a bad situation. Paranoia to someone else, is just good common sense to me.
 
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I've had a bit of martial arts training, and my experience is that it takes a lot of practice to successfully employ those techniques. Also, lest anyone be convinced by the videos, my experience has also been that these training scenarios often see the purported "bad guy" sparring partner reacting in the optimal fashion to allow the lock, hold or strike to be employed.

This is a really good comment and I'd like to respond in some detail. So bear with me and if martial arts isn't your interest, probably best you bail on this one now.

First - yes. It takes lots of practice. From about the age of 14 or so my practice has been daily. Even tonight, with it bitter crazy cold outside, I still bundled up and did a short form and weapons form outside on the driveway because muscle grooving requires practice to the point where you react faster than the brain processes the threat.

Kinesthetic learning is all about grooving. I was looking at a website for concealed carry classes and the picture showed an owner going for the draw while the assailant had a knife out and they were about six feel apart. Sorry. Gun owner loses. Knife guy wins. So I strongly recommend that if you care about self-defense, figure unarmed is your first recourse and be deadly with broken bottles, beer mugs, car antennas, sticks, umbrellas, rolled up magazines, pens, chairs, bicycles, or whatever else you're likely to have at immediate hand. Great if you can get your gun into play but don't count on it.

And if you train and practice, then you'll find that getting a hand or some kind of physical contact with your assailant is like plugging in a USB cable. You get all kinds of knowledge from that. I'd MUCH rather be in contact with a BG than not. Please shake my hand. Plug in to my system and let me know everything about you.
 
Its a judgement call you're going to have to make. A potential friend, client, customer; or a threat?
If I don't want someone to touch me, I will simply not extend my hand and either lie 'I have a cold', or when I've encountered someone I consider a threat and I want them to know it 'I don't shake strangers hands'.
It's a shame the world has come to this, but it is what it is. I don't give to hoots anymore if I offend someone I don't know.
 
Interesting thread. Yes the martial arts, both empty hand and weaponry, need to be practiced. I was raised in Atlanta, Ga. in the 50's and 60's. I was taught to be friendly, but to avoid strangers(don't talk). My wife was raised in Chicago. Panhandlers seek me out, but not her. It has something to do with your demeaner. Earlier this week I was going to a bank for a money order to pay a speeding ticket(I was pissed). There were at least 4 panhandler's on the premises. Not a one of them approached me. Guess I'll adopt that attitude more often. LOL
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This is an extremely important scenario for consideration. Thanks to the OP for raising it. I have never had a stranger approach me for a handshake but if it happens I will surely refuse it (as politely as possible) after reading this thread. I will make any excuse possible not to accept the handshake.
 
Wow. I am surprised that I am the only person who shakes the hand offered by a stranger. I may be naive but when I have to fear the offering for a handshake I do not think I have won the battle... I think I have lost the whole damned war.

I guess I am the product of my environment but I am not afraid of my fellow man, stranger or not and I will give them the benefit of the doubt until given a reason not to trust them.

And, well... if we are locked in a handshake I am just as close to him, as he is to me I bring a 250+ pound Scottish Heavy athlete with me whereever I go :) so even if his intentions are not the kindest I may not be the one with the short end of the stick.
 
I grew up living in a smallish town in Kansas (20 years) and now live in San Diego (23 years). In giving this question some thought, I can't think of a single time a complete and total stranger has approached me on the street with an outstretched hand (e.g. for a handshake) without cause. Not even growing up in KS, where I was far, FAR more likely to be of assistance to someone on the side of the road or some such scenario because yes, I was in Kansas, and it was a common thing to do "back then". A handshake AFTER helping someone on the side of the road or after some other common courtesy, as a gesture of thanks, but not before. Someone simply approaching me on the street all "geared up" for a handshake would raise a real red-flag in my mind.

I'm a polite as the next guy, probably more so, but to simply walk up to me and grab my hand on the street? No, you're not doing that. I may not have a complete plan worked out in my head for this scenario, but it simply isn't going to happen.
 
4 pages of slaughtered pixels.

Short answer: Google SouthNarc and 'handling unknown contacts'

Jeez.
 
And, well... if we are locked in a handshake I am just as close to him, as he is to me I bring a 250+ pound Scottish Heavy athlete with me whereever I go so even if his intentions are not the kindest I may not be the one with the short end of the stick
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Must be nice to have size as an intimdation tool. I'm 5'3". A little on the fat side right now at 165, I should be losing weight again, damn snow.
Anyways: My size is a disadvantage, and having someone close enough to hit me is a disadvantage. The only advantage to being locked into a handshake is my 5 years in the Marines, I still remember a thing or two that might get me out of a scrape in one piece. If I can pull them in to body-body contact, I can negate the reach advantage that EVERYONE has over me. But thats a big if.
I am not shaking a stranger's hand out of the blue. Not only is it not going to happen, but an offered hand for no apparant reason sets off alarms and bells and whistles. Hair on the back of my neck stands up and I step back.
 
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