Hassled while CCW

[Polar Express]

Add one more in support of KodiakBeer's post.

There are so many variables here, many have been mentioned: level of friendship, comfort level of respective spouses, value system, etc., so it's hard to say cart-blanche what response would be ideal. It's different for everyone.

I'm willing to put up with some personal discomfort (if a friend's wife crosses a personal boundary) if the end result is a lesson learned. I too, have challenges with words 'in the point of the moment', but can usually come up with something good with even a few moments of preparation.

Sitting here, not in the OP's position, it's easy for me to say 'what I would have done..' but it's not fair.

Distra, can you now, a few days later, sit down with both of them, and share with her that her actions made you feel very uncomfortable? It could be a great opportunity to introduce her to etiquette, and help her understand that while guns are not to be feared, it's not appropriate to just start grabbing someone to see if you can find their weapon. IF she is the kind of person that would object to someone grabbing at her, that could be brought up. If not, avoid that angle altogether.

Sorry you were put in that position. I bet I would have felt flustered and uncomfortable, mostly for not knowing what to say exactly then.

PE

 

[sargas23]

I'm in agreement with Polar Express.

Now that the incident is over, I'd go back to my friends and say something to the effect of "I need to discuss a matter with you that made me uncomfortable the other day."

The number one rule of concealed carry is you don't talk about it, especially in a public place where uninformed people could become unnecessarily alarmed.

The number two rule is you don't frisk someone (even a friend) for their weapon unless you are a law enforcement officer and it is deemed necessary to disarm a suspected criminal.

The number three rule is you don't put your hands on ANYONE - armed or not - without their permission.

I would be particularly careful in putting my hands on someone else's spouse as well! Some people don't react well to that anyway.

 

[hub]

Who knows why she did what she did? Was it just ignorance to gun etiquette? Probably so.

Was it because she was curious and didn't know one could hide a gun on their person so well without anyone knowing? Maybe. Maybe when she pictured her husband carrying in public she thought others would be able to tell by just closely looking at his clothes and it would make her feel uncomfortable.

Could it be that she felt offended and thought that your wife was out of line when she talked her husband into getting a CCW without considering her opinion on the situation, so she did something out of line it turn to embarrass you and thought it would make you or your wife mad to get even?

Or maybe she done it to embarrass her husband in front of you to prove some sort of point to him because he didn't consult her before he got a permit and you and your wife was part of the guilty party in her opinion.

I personally would just man up and straight up ask them both why she did what she did. You shouldn't feel bad because she obviously couldn't take a hint or didn't care that you was uncomfortable with what she was doing.

If she did it on purpose she probably wouldn't admit to it but she should be so embarrased by you calling her out on it, it shouldn't happen again. If not you need to find some new friends. The last thing anyone CCWing needs is their spouse or someone else's for that matter advertising that "he has a gun" in public anytime she feels a little pissy about something.

If it was just ignorance let them both know what she did made you uncomfortable and give them both a friendly "short but sweet" no BS ettiquete class and let her ask any questions that she may have. If he is going to be carrying in the future he may need some pointers and if nothing else she should at least hear what not to do to keep them out of trouble.

 

[Colton White]

Er, and her husband, your friend didn't say or do anything???

Maybe he was too busy looking for his bawlls!

 

[jakeiscrazy]

I would have said/done something funny. Then in private I would have shown her around my gun. Unloaded of course. She just doesn't know about guns. In VA I would just lifted my shirt and tapped thy pistol.

 

[Zack]

I would just lifted my shirt and tapped thy pistol

thy pistol? lol this is funny.

 

[bigalexe]

I'm going to go ahead and suggest as others have that it seems very likely this maybe extends beyond just the CCW. Yes it would be odd but maybe she really was "playing" and more interested in you than your gun. Some people are just socially akward sometimes.

 

[Gouranga]

I am borderline on this being a stupid prank by this girl and also a serious breach of gun safety. I mean, assuming you are carrying, loaded and chambered with safe off. This girl goes poking around pulling and tugging on you looking for a gun. I could see a scenario playing out where a loaded gun gets unintentionally pulled out of its holster without being under the control of anyone.

Just seems like one of those innocent things that ends up with a unintentional discharge with the possibility of a fatality. I mean it is not like you are carrying a sack of nitro on your hip but either way, guns are not generally something I would say need to be played with.

I would follow up with your bud, let him know how you felt about it. Let him chat with his wife and take it from there.

 

[Joe Demko]

I could see a scenario playing out where a loaded gun gets unintentionally pulled out of its holster without being under the control of anyone.

So could I, but I can also envision a scenario where it doesn't. The first requires some suspension of disbelief.

 

[wrs840]

I mean, assuming you are carrying, loaded and chambered with safe off...

I'll likely get slagged for this, but:

This is why I don't carry a 1911 or BHP style for SD concealment. "Cocked and locked" is the only rational way to carry those, and should the safety get jostled "off" (if, say, some friend's frisky wife is feeling you up), you're in SA mode. It's why I like 3rd Gen Smiths for SD concealment: (Beretta 92-style safety/decocker) puts the weapon in DA-ready mode if the safety comes "off" accidentally, and I just feel that lends a prudent buffer against possible ND.

Les