How Do I Deal With This Threat?

[Treo]

Ok this isn't a "What If?" this a real situation it's going on right now.

Here's what background I have;
My SIL is on his way back to prision for 5 to 8 years, the only reason he's out is because the PO wanted him to help W/ the kids while mom recovers from surgery He's become increasingly abusive to DD & her kids as the date for him to turn himself in approaches. Recently the abuse has increased to the point that my wife believes that he is a threat to DD & the kids.
This morning she contacted SILs PO & made a formal complaint. The P.O. promised her anonymity ( SIL has killed people for less). & went ahead & investigated the complaint, W/in an hour of the investigation DD told DW to becareful that SIL didn't find out she called the P.O.
If DD knows it's not unlikely that SIL could figure it out.
Here's what we're doing DW Has been instructed to be armed any where she's legally able to, I normally don't carry in scrubs starting tomorrow that changes I also will be armed 24/7 until SIL is in prision.
Situational awareness has gone to DEFCON 2. Door doesn't get opened after dark. dogs are an EWS.
Not sure if varied routes to & from work & school are worth it we're still going to the same place.
I THINK our biggest threat is at home , we're not gangbangers we don't go out partying I doubt a random drive by that got us BOTH would be credible, the cops would go straight to him or DD would kill him. But a home invasion gone bad.... that he might get away W/.
OK guy what am I missing, what can we do better? definetely would like to here from SM on this one

ETA I'm not sure if a long gun would change the situation in my favor I can't carry it around my house and accomplish any thing & I certainly can't carry it outside the house so is there any point getting out of the safe?

Also SIL won't be the actual actor he has other people who handle that for him , so I can't even just keep an eye out for him although his little brother were to show up anywhere out of the ordinary I'd seriously consider shooting on site

 

[3KillerBs]

Is it feasible for all of you to go on a sudden vacation halfway across the country?

 

[Treo]

It's not & really it wouldn't do much good this is a gang thing so it's gonna be like this forever.

To our advantage SIL doesn't know we're armed.

I expect, if at all, one attempt because any thing more would point at him acting in retalition but I'm not willing to bet my life on his logic.

 

[give]

as far as a weapon,nothing long will come up fast enough if you are at a door to see who it is,so i would get a small 12 gauge,i would also put foot bolts on all my doors,they work real to keep someone out,door bolts pop with enough force,i mean we all see the cop pshows where they are serving a warrent,so something going down atleast 4 inches if in concrete,if wood and in a basement,reinforce it with wood or metal,on the back door of my grandparents place was a curtain above the door,and for years i reallyu dident notice it,turned out to be a coach type double hanging up,might be some help,if this guy is a real threat regular locks wont keep out,you need something that will make aware of someone trying to enter,they make motion alarms for doors and windows,not real expensive i believe,if a drive by is the thing,if you have a basement might want to take the t v down there,thats what they do in north philadelphia,noone hangs out on the first floor,sad but keeps then from getting hit from a stray

 

[give]

p.s.north philly is considered dodge city around here

 

[03Shadowbob]

You can ALWAYS relocate yourself and loved ones when there is this type of danger, whether short term or long term.
Me? Someone threatens my daughter, different ballgame. No chest-thumping, no false bravado. Action only. What that action entails depends on the threats and if anyone has been harmed yet.

 

[Treo]

Nope dear daughter is quite capable of taking care of herself the only reason she isn't now is she's flat on her back recovering from surgery. if she had to I have no doubt she'd kill him herself.

DW & I are not in the gang world we live on the edge of it because of who dear daughter married I don't want to get any closer than I have to.

QUOTE : "You can ALWAYS relocate yourself and loved ones"

It be wouldn't relocating with the loved ones it would be relocating FROM the loved ones

I'm not running

 

[Tokugawa]

what is a "SIL"? ****head in limbo? Savage incompetent liberal?
I initially thought "sister in law", but that is obviously wrong.....

 

[JWarren]

what is a "SIL"? ****head in limbo? Savage incompetent liberal?
I initially thought "sister in law", but that is obviously wrong.....

I've been reading it as "Son-In-Law" but I could be wrong.


-- John

 

[bratch]

Took me a minute but son-in-law is how I read it as well.

 

[XavierBreath]

These situations are hard to really consider without intimately knowing the details, but I will try to stay general. One thing you said is striking........

W/in an hour of the investigation DD told DW to becareful that SIL didn't find out she called the P.O.

Obviously, DD, DW or PO has a problem keeping their mouth shut. Your wife's actions are being talked about, and talked about anonymous secrets don't stay anonymous secrets very long.

Your wife has made herself a target. Her discussion with the parole officer, if it was not going to result in any immediate incarceration was foolhardy. She needs to understand this. Your wife, not to disrespect her, but making a judgement by looking at her actions, has a problem rationally evaluating and preparing for a threat. She is looking for a savior. In the end, when a threat is present, we must save ourselves and others, not look for someone to do it for us. Your wife is now a target if your son in law ever discovers what she has done. Expect it to happen.

Furthermore, your daughter has now lost her place of refuge with her mother, not that she would be a place of refuge to start with. In a time of crisis, if she were to run to her mother with the kids, your son in law would simply have all his targets together in one place. This is how mother/daughter murders with son in law/boyfriend suicides happen.

Where do you go from here? You must secure your daughter a place of refuge in advance. Not a women's shelter. That is too obvious, as is any of her friends. Look at your own trusted contacts. Look for a trusted friend who lives out of town, or even an extended stay hotel out of town that you could take your daughter to in the middle of the night. A safe haven 100 miles away. Have a credit card in your name that you could give to her for expenses, as well as cash. Have her and the kid's vital information, as well as any legal documentation scanned and placed on a flash drive for her to take on a lanyard around her neck. Get her a gun and train her to use it, even if she has one of her own. Keep these things in a duffle bag at your house (with a couple of changes of underwear for her and the kids), so you can toss it all into your car when you dash out in the middle of the night to pick her up from a street corner somewhere. Get her an inexpensive pre-paid cell phone, something like a Jitterbug that she can contact you on from that street corner. Tell her to not let her husband know about the cell phone or the gun, and definitely not any escape plans. When she leaves, she should take the phone and the car keys.

If she has to bug out, go get her by yourself. She should get in your car, leaving her's behind if she drove away in it. Your wife should go to a friend's house, previously arranged, for her own protection. Your wife should not go with you. Chances are, your house will be your son in law's first stop. Hopefully, he will have destroyed her car and will have broke into your house looking for her when you get back home. This will give you the needed crime to get him off the streets.

Take your daughter to your pre-arranged safe place, and leave her there. Make certain you are not followed. She must not contact you after that, or any other person related in any way to your family or circle of friends until her husband is incarcerated. If she must contact you, have her do it through secure email, not by your phone or text messaging. There are online resources to give you other ideas about how to bug out and disappear.

Realize that if he is in a gang or has family willing to act on his behalf, it makes things much more complicated. If he has, as you say, killed for less, the danger is real, and it can not be ignored. Bottom line, if she is in danger of her life, she must be willing to break all ties and do what is necessary to protect herself and her kids until the threat is no longer present. If the threat is there, lives are in danger. This takes precedence over anything else, including the kids being in school, the wedding photographs, and family pets. She must be willing to save her life and the lives of her children. You can only help her with this. You cannot do it for her. The initiative must be her's.

 

[Treo]

Thanks for the input Xavier, as I stated earlier my daughter isn't the issue she's a drug dealer's wife she knows how to live in that world. the first time he went to prision she dropped off the face of the earth ( including leaving & entering the country W/ out a passport) for seven years nobody knew where she was. DD is safe in the sense that she isn't going to be a target of retalition.

Right now I live in a house that has only 2 doors (one of which has a dog sleeping in front of it every night. when the windows were installed the installer told they'd take a hammer blow (he proved it too) W/ out breaking.

I'm not sure that my threat type is any different than anyone else's ( that may be a blindspot initself) how to survive a home invasion / attack on the street the difference is in level of threat because of my wife's call to the P.O. might just make us a specially chosen target

 

[sacp81170a]

she's a drug dealer's wife she knows how to live in that world. the first time he went to prision

I feel for your situation and hope that DD can extricate herself from that life. It sucks when family members go down a road that we can't follow. You gotta do what you gotta do, but in your shoes I would make it clear that either DD leaves that life with her kids or she's not welcome back in yours. I'm sorry, but love has to be tough sometimes. I'm not one to butt in on another's family issues, but I've seen too many domestic situations just like you're describing.

Are you a member of a church? If you are, you probably have access to a support network that you haven't explored yet. Lots of churches have dealt with these kinds of problems and it's often an untapped resource. Many pastors will have contact with others who can help. Not trying to tell you what or how to do, just trying to come up with other avenues for getting help. I hope everything turns out well.

How long 'til SIL's report date? Any possibility of swapping vehicles with a friend for a few days? Our church has a car dealer that's done that with used vehicles for a few days in the past. Having a different vehicle can throw him off the track quite a bit.

ETA: My situation is that I have a ne'er do well older brother who's involved in drugs and alcohol. My parents continue to coddle him, provide him with a place to stay and in general allow him not to grow up. This after several failed marriages, numerous truck driving jobs lost to drug induced accidents on the job (the last of which wrecked a childhood friends' newest semi and their friendship) and in general the inablility to live on his own. My parents are on social security, and after numerous attempts on my part to get them to let him sink or swim on his own, I made it clear that I wouldn't be around while he was. I haven't seen them for three years. All my friends who are familiar with the situation think I'm doing the right thing. It's hard, but sometimes that's the way it has to be. I'm not equating my situation with yours, just illustrating that family problems are sometimes the worst kind. I hope your daughter can find her way to a better life. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Mp7]

...

Hi Treo,

sorry to hear about the DD situation.

Motion detectors connected with 1000w lights,
that flood the surroundings of the house do well.

If there´s a basement - make that the shelter,
and make sure there´s all the tools u need for SHTF.

Getting DW out of town would definitely make me feel
better......


All the best,
Mp7.

 

[Treo]

Wait a second Mp7, you mean you'd actually WANT me to use a weapon to defend my self ?

Isn't that terribly uncouth?

 

[give]

see treo the thing about drug dealers is they dont want to get cought,so she will be in danger from others if he convinces them she will rat them out,i know this from experience because my aunt is spending 30 years in federal prison for being a dealer that was ratted on,it wont take much for them to have a hit put out .most of those junkies have no honor and will do anything for drugs,do you think she will get back together with him?also the best way for them to get to her is threw her family,thats how intimidation works,so dont believe noone is safe in situtations like yours,hopefully he gets locked up soon,and they throw away the key,not sure if you live in a 3 strikes and your out state,

 

[Anonymous Coward]

I really can't top Xavier's (and others') excellent advice, but I found this essay to be interesting:http://www.skeptictank.org/hs/vanish.htm

 

[Eric-WA]

Sounds like DD knows the world she's in and can navigate it as well as anyone. With all do respect I too feel it was foolhardy for dw to go to PO if nothing was to be gained. I only say this because it sounds like SIL is going back to the clink soon.

There are a number of things that the gang world and lifestyle will not abide, and a snitch as they see it is at the top of this list. Is the SIL a user as well as a dealer? Will he see reason if you talk with him? If you can talk to him show him respect, not because he deserves it, but because that's what appeals to the gangster types and you need to diffuse this situation.

It doesn't sound as though you know for sure at this point that SIL knows about the formal complaint. Keep your radar up and keep in in touch with DD as she'll probably know when he does. Does DD know about the complaint? She probably needs to be made aware so that this doesn't come as a surprise to her should he find out.

If he does find out and get's pissed off nothing will be harmed at that point by talking to him (on phone not in person) assuming he's any sort of rational. Explain to him that it was your wife, and that she's just concerned because that's what women and mothers do, and that no disrespect was meant.

Does your municipality have a gang unit? they tend to be extremely good at keeping tight lips, and would be an invaluable source of info and advice. As far as DD if she ever does need to get away, the salvation army has tremendous resources as far as battered women's and children's shelter, and there not obvious at all. I did some construction work at one, and it looked like a normal apartment complex from the street, until you got inside and could see the security cameras, the razor wire fence inside of the 8 foot cedar fence which you can't see from the street, the reinforced doors, etc.

I can't give you any advice about personal tactics that are better than any others you'll receive. And I'm in no way an expert in these fields, I just grew up in it. I hope you and yours can weather this storm and come out ok.

-E

 

[P95loser]

Can't really top what Xavier said.

 

[Anonymous Coward]

I hate to get all weird and stuff, but if I actually expected to be in a fight, I'd max out my credit card on body armor and night vision gear.

So much of what we talk about here is confronting "potential" threats of unknown shape and size while we go about our daily business. This is concrete and well-defined, and it's on the way.

I don't know if that's helpful...so I'll waive my usual two-cent fee.

 

[jkingrph]

To many abberviations, to understand easily dd,dw sil,po,p.o., eta( estimated time of arrival) ews !!!!

 

[mbt2001]

I agree, the abbreviations were getting old...

 

[Treo]

Update

Well my stupid son in law called his Parole Officer this morning & told him that he can't handle the ankle bracelet. We expect him to be incarcerated by Monday.

MODS feel free to lock this one up I think it's served it's purpose.

 

[maxxwilde]

Not sure if varied routes to & from work & school are worth it we're still going to the same place.

But varied routes will usually have you arriving from different directions. Not as good as NOT having to go to a known location at ALL, but better than nothing.

Just my 2 pennies worth..


Mike

 

[Jeff White]

Closed at OP's request.

Jeff