How do You ask Someone to give up Their Gun?

[Apple a Day]

I won't tell you what to do but I'll tell you my experience.
My father has Alzheimers. I took the guns out of the house ago because of his violent tantrums. I walked into the house one day when no one else was at home, bagged everything, and took them home. I didn't ask before I took them but didn't deny that I had taken them when he asked. Some might call that a lie by omission but my conscience is clear. My mother is greatly relieved.
He didn't take care of them, doesn't miss them. He asked me about them once or twice when the subject came up but never made a stink about it. Some folks are going to throw on their judge's robes and stand tossing condemnations at me but none of them have ever seen the bruises on my mother or been threatened by a stranger walking around in my father's skin. Flame away.
We are still dealing with the car issue. That is a long story, not firearm-related so I won't bore anyone.
Do what you have to do to make sure everyone, including your mom is safe. No one has mentioned suicide in the thread, yet, but depression is another issue associated with aging, declining mental health, and the disruption of lifestyle.

 

[keederdag]

This Sucks! I too am against leaving her with the gun. Unloaded it's a danger to her, loader it's a danger to others. With siblings, I would remind them that life changes like Mom is currently experiencing are very hard to deal with, and a persons mind tends to wonder to ughly solutions. How would they feel if she was to commit suicide? They should be on your side here. I probably would orchestrate something along the lines of what re1973 did. It seems like the best, leaste hurtful solution.

Sorry man, getting old sucks, be there as much as you can.

 

[keederdag]

Apple, No one has the right to second guess or judge you here. Any Flame starters better bite fingers, and pop a happy pill.

 

[Greg L]

Man that sucks (at least I know that I'll never have to go through this issue as my parents are both hard core anti's ). One way or another you need to get the pistol. The problem isn't what it would do to her if she shot a neighbor, it is what it would do to you as you knew this possibility existed beforehand and didn't do anything to prevent it.

"Borrowing" it to go to the range is probably the best option. She sounds ornery enough that if you flat out took it from her she would go get another one.

Good luck.

Greg

 

[jsalcedo]

Has she ever done anything irresponsible with the gun in the past?

If she is delusional, unstable or violent I would agree the gun needs to be sold or put somewhere safe.

If she is not mentally incapacitated it might not be a bad idea to let her keep it.

Can she be trusted to use a stove? A steak knife? A pair of scissors?

A gun is not the only potentially dangerous item in a home. She could just as easily forget to turn off a burner and kill everyone in the building or like one of my family members accidentaly put bleach cleanser in some soup she was making and not realize it.

 

[Carnitas]

I think I'd slip in a cylinder of snake shot. She cant do much damage with those except at extremely close range. Then, if (when) she slips a little more that she wouldent notice, I'd just disappear it.

 

[4v50 Gary]

What a tough question. Here we are, firm believers in the Second Amendment and would die fighting before we gave up our guns. Yet when it comes to an elderly loved one, we play the role of the gun-grabber and want to take the firearm.

I don't envy you at all and if my father was alive and infirm, I'd be just at a loss. Perhaps long discussions on firearms safety including trips to the range. Closely supervised trips. The individual has to be convinced themselves that they cannot or should not own a firearm. Once this is done, the rest is easy.

 

[jrhead75]

As always...lots of good advice here. My Grandfather (a WWI Marine, and lifetime gun owner/user) had Alzheimer's for some 7 or 8 years before dying of it, and my mother died of a brain tumor, so I have some perspective here.

The human condition doesn't often present absolutes, but you are dealing with one here. Get the weapon away ASAP! However it works best for your situation, but do it!

Best of luck. You all have my best wishes.

 

[Wiley]

AR-10,

As we and our parents get older, the roles reverse. Tough and confusing on everyone.

You are now the 'parent' and must do what is best for the 'child' (your Mom).

Take the gun! Even if you have to do a complete search of the apt. with her standing there screaming at you. Grit your teeth and do what is best for her.

 

[AR-10]

Well, we finished moving her in today. Sort of. When you move from a large house to a small apartment, some things cannot come along. She, of course, insisted that everything must come, which of course was not possible.

I sat down with her tonight and asked her (after she had been forced to give up this and that) if she would be upset if I suggested that this might be a good time to gift her handgun to me.

She said "Yes, it would".

My timing stinks.

So, I explained to her that she was living in the safest part of this small town. I told her that I was very concerned that since she cannot walk ten feet without losing her balance, that she might load it and then fall while walking and shoot herself or one or two of her neighbors.

She was not swayed in her desire to keep it. If her judgement was good, I would not have had to even broach the subject, so I was not suprised when she did not see the logic in my thinking.

I have not taken her shooting for two years because she is not up to going to an outdoor range, and frankly I would be afraid of her gun handling abilities as of late.

So, I have asked her straight out and she has politely declined. She did tell me that I could take it shooting if I like, so I suppose I will do so and then just keep it. Her mental condition is not that of a "normal" individual, and physically she is frail and truely unable to walk ten feet without grabbing walls, furniture, or people. I am all for RKBA, but in this case I guess I will resort to deception to disarm her.

Hope she doesn't call the fuzz on me.

Thanks for all the good suggestions and thoughts.

 

[Hillman]

Your situation has brought back some memories. Not pleasant ones, but memories nonetheless.

My only words of advice, not that it applies to your situation: don't rely on the gubment to do your dirty work for you, you need to face it yourself.

My father had ALZ and Parkinson's, and his vision was failing. His car was his last bastion of freedom. I can't count the number of times he almost got into accidents by driving 10mph, or pulling out into traffic, or getting lost going to the corner market.

We hid the keys. He found them.

We took the keys. Multiple times. He had had many sets made in one of his 'normal' moments.

We disabled the car ... he fixed it.

We then discovered his license was about to expire, and he would need to re-test. Aha! Certainly the Sec of State would not permit him to drive.

He was a lovable old man. When he was 'right', there was a gleam in his eye, a lift in his step, and had kind words for everyone. Such was the day of his re-test.

He passed the written test.

He couldn't read the letters on the eye test! Whew. Until the little cutie behind the corner felt sorry for him and GAVE HIM HINTS. He passed.

My bro and sis and I drew straws. She was the one who had to tell Dad he couldn't drive anymore.

 

[Carnitas]

Another thought. You might get her a small hand gun safe like a gun vault. That would eliminate the theft issue. She should buy in on that basis. Then later you can just change the combo.

 

[BluesBear]

What does a range officer do when a shooter is reckless?

What does a store owner do when an incapicated person tries to buy a firearm?

What does a judge do when you drive recklessly?

What do you do when your children act foolishly or dangerously?

Would you give a gun to a child that was not physically or mentaly able to properly use it?

Would you give a gun to ANYONE that was not physically or mentaly able to properly use it?


What are all of you going to do and say when this sweet old lady shoots someone or, Heaven forbid, HERSELF.

AR-10, you are not a gun-grabber, you are NOT taking away her means of self defense. The fact is that you placed her in the safest environment you could. Putting her there was in her best interest. So is removing ANYTHING that might endanger her life. Hopefully you didn't let her keep the chainsaw either

Just take the damn gun away from her. If she throws a tantrum, so be it.

How many people here have taken something dangerous away from a child? Did they throw a tantrum? If so did you give the dangerous item back to them? You weren't punishing them, you were protecting them.

Being a parent is a tough job. So can being a responsible, caring, loving child. You gotta do what's best not what's the most pleasant.

Those of us who walk heavy and train hard don't do it because we are looking for the easy way. We do it because we feel the need to be able to do whatever needs to be done to protect our own.

I doubt anyone here thinks having gun is the only form of protection in the world.


Just my tuppence.

And for the record... My mother wasn't happy when I sold her car or took her Colt Cobra. But a few months later she told me she realized it was the right thing to do.

 

[Beetle Bailey]

In my opinion, you would only be wrong if you did nothing. It seems you have already spoken to your mother about the issue and she refuses to give up the gun. Sorry if I am not understanding this correctly but if she has Alzheimers then her mental state may be changing back and forth from being literally unreasonable to almost normal. If you can catch her on a good day you would be wise to be mentally ready to have the "Because I care about you . . ." talk. If she has a moment of clarity, take advantage. Don't miss the opportunity because it can help both the immediate concern (the gun) and the overall concern (dignity, respect, security, family). That, I think, is the best way but I personally wouldn't call you wrong for finding another way to separate her from the gun.

Best of luck.