How does one start carrying a gun and not succumb to fear?

[entropy]

So, I'm having a hard time carrying and not living in fear. Having the firearm on me is such a change, that I can't seem to get over the reasons for having it. Instead of believing in the goodness of people, the beauty of the wilderness, and going about my goals for each day, it feels like my state of mind is weighed down and altered into a fearful one, which I can't reason is statistically unnecessary. Really, if I'm going to go out of my way to carry a gun, why don't I wear a helmet too while driving or go to the gym to run on a safe treadmill.

Anyone here go through the same and have ideas to enjoy life the fullest while also preparing for the worst?

The gun is there so you can still believe in the goodness of people, and the beauty of the wilderness, and go about your goals every day. Situational Awareness (Which you should have when carrying) is not fear. As others have said, the gun is not a magic talisman that will protect you from evil or banish fear. You need to do both. The gun is the best tool (with your practice and SA applied) for the first, your mind is the only tool that can do the second.

Hope for the best, but plan for the worst; or as the Green Berets put it, "Be curteous, smile, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

As for fears about being made: 99% of people will not notice a ccw. Had a guy in looking at glasses today carrying IWB, but uncovered. I said to my co-worker after he'd ordered & left, "BTW, it was a Kahr 40 or 45." He said, "Huh?" He hadn't even noticed. I saw it immediately, but I was was taught to "make" concealed carriers by my Dad, a cop, when I was a kid.

 

[splattergun]

I'm always slightly uncomfortable carrying a gun, open or concealed, recreational or defensive. It's a great responsibility to carry a lethal weapon.
I'm also slightly uncomfortable wearing a seatbelt. It is also a great responsibility to drive a lethal weapon.
At first, I was afraid when driving. But after some experience, I learned that my "paranoid" watchfulness was actually a healthy awareness, and I embraced it and nurtured it, learning to use it to become a better driver.
Same with carrying a weapon. After a short time, I realized that my "fear" of what awaited me around the corner was actually a natural situational awareness, and I embraced it and nurtured it. I've learned to become a safer citizen.

I never want to become overly comfortable in a seatbelt or with a weapon.

 

[Tallball]

It's all about what you're accustomed to and your experiences.

Growing up, firearms were always in my house. As an adult, I have always had them. I never felt much one way or another about it.

If you are not used to them, over time your feelings will change. It's just like most things in life. You will get used to your new situation and will eventually stop being anxious about it. It will go from a negative to a neutral.

Then maybe one day you will find yourself in a situation where you will feel much, much safer because of your firearm. If so, your feelings will change from neutral to positive. That's what happened to me. Once in my mid-twenties and once in my early thirties, I encountered situations where men I did not know attempted to abduct or assault women who were close to me. On both occasions I had a firearm and prepared myself to use it. In both occasions the attacker stopped their aggressions and fled. Ever since then having a firearm near me has made me feel more comfortable and has been a positive thing.

Hopefully something like that will never happen to you, and having a firearm nearby will eventually be one of those things that you don't really notice anymore. But if you ever really need one, after that you will always feel more comfortable if you have one around.

 

[Deaf Smith]

MtnRunner,

I've packed heat for over 20 years. My carry gun is like my wallet or car keys.

I don't even think about using it one way or another. It's just there incase. There ain't no fear involved, only preparation, just like having a first aid kit and training.

Deaf

 

[Kendal Black]

Instead of believing in the goodness of people, the beauty of the wilderness, and going about my goals for each day, it feels like my state of mind is weighed down and altered into a fearful one, which I can't reason is statistically unnecessary.

I believe in the beauty of people, and the goodness of the wilderness, but I have been around long enough to recognize that there are exceptions.

Writer C.S. Lewis makes an excellent point along these lines: I f we find this world unsatisfactory, we are designed for another.

Do not suppose that the world you wish for is the one you have. Doing that can only end in sorrow, or in wrath.

 

[JohnKSa]

So, I'm having a hard time carrying and not living in fear. Having the firearm on me is such a change, that I can't seem to get over the reasons for having it. Instead of believing in the goodness of people, the beauty of the wilderness, and going about my goals for each day, it feels like my state of mind is weighed down and altered into a fearful one...

If I'm reading this correctly, while carrying the gun, you are unable to ignore the reality that there is a chance (a small one, of course) that bad things could happen to you and/or those who you love.

It sounds like you would like to go back to ignoring the fact that reality includes the possibility of your being attacked or victimized. It also sounds that you have been laboring under the misconception that people are all good, and now you're unhappy to have to consider the reality that some people are bad, and will do bad things if they have the chance.

Let me ask you a question. If you were to put a flashlight in your pocket to use in case of emergencies, would it make you afraid of the dark? Would it make it impossible for you to enjoy the bright sunshine? Why is a gun different? Does knowing there's a spare tire in your vehicle make you dwell on the possibility of breaking down? Does it make you wonder if carrying a spare doesn't make sense unless you have a fire extinguisher as well?

I don't know if it's possible to willfully return to your previous blissful state of ignorance of what could potentially go wrong around you, but here's my suggestion.

You need to understand that not all people are good, no matter how much you might wish the opposite were true. Remember that the goodness or badness of people is not dependent on whether or not you are carrying a gun. You can still believe in the goodness of good people.

When you consider the potential threats that make it hard for you to believe in the goodness of people, and when it's hard for you to see the beauty of the wilderness, instead of dwelling on the unpleasant realities of life, take a different approach.

Think of how you would deal with potential threats constructively so as to be able to survive to go on believing in the goodness of good people and the beauty of the beautiful parts of the nature.

Really, if I'm going to go out of my way to carry a gun, why don't I wear a helmet too while driving or go to the gym to run on a safe treadmill.

1. How far out of your way are you going to carry a gun? I would recommend storing your firearm in a convenient place, preferably in your home, so you don't have to go out of your way to put it on before leaving the house.
2. Your car is equipped with sufficient safety features to protect you in most accidents. You can wear a helmet if you want, it's not totally unheard of--just very rare. If you're talking about driving a motorcycle then a helmet would probably be a good idea.
3. Running at a gym, on a treadmill, is probably safer than running in public. You'll have to decide whether or not running in public is too risky. If you can't accept the risk, you have options. You can buy a treadmill, or go to a gym and use theirs, or you could start carrying pepper spray, or perhaps a gun to ameliorate the risk.

 

[JRWhit]

Carrying goes against the culture I've grown up in. My parents were adverse to handguns and wouldn't let my brother and I have toy guns as kids. My friends have and still aren't the kind of people that would even consider carrying and I'd wager they would think I'm crazy and dangerous if they knew I have started.

I don't want to get all psychological but I think this is your main angst in the matter. Your mixing practicality and probability with ideology. It put you at odds with those closest to you and naturally that causes you anxiety as you now have something that you feel needs to be kept secret from them. Give them a chance to respect your decisions. If they cannot accept the decisions you make for your family then that is not your problem and although it will still suck to be at odds with them, it'll be due to their impairment and not yours.
Also remember that just because you have a permit doesn't mean you have to carry all the time,"although I'd recommend it for at least long enough to get used to it.". If you feel silly or over paranoid for carrying in certain places then don't carry there. Some keep a CC like a wallet or a pair of keys and some don't. I usually carry only when going to certain parts of town. If I were you I'd definitely keep it close in bear country. Good Luck.

 

[AZAndy]

For me, it's not about fear, it's about responsibility. It shouldn't be somebody else's job-- and isn't, morally or legally-- to take care of my safety, and the safety of those around me. It's the same sort of responsibility as paying my bills, being generally polite, not driving like a jerk, and so on.

 

[CDW4ME]

Fear? Apply that to something else, how do you wear a seatbelt without being afraid of a wreck. Prepared doesn't equal fear.
I've been carrying for 20+ years, no event made me start and no event has occurred over the last couple decades. Prepared.

 

[Dr T]

I think that situation awareness is the key for peace of mind. As for specific advice, consider some martial arts training that is focused on self-defense. This will increase you ability to be aware of the potential of a situation. Being able to detect and react does wonders for your self-confidence. Also, if you are aware of the potential hazards of a situation, it makes it easier to avoid ugliness. If you can't avoid it, at least you will be prepared.

 

[Deanimator]

Anyone here go through the same and have ideas to enjoy life the fullest while also preparing for the worst?

"Succumb to fear" is merely the gibberish of cowards and those who favor the rapist over the rape victim. Pay it no mind.

My mother lives in a "safe" suburb of Chicago next to another "safe" suburb... where six women were shot, five of them fatally, execution style, in a Lane Bryant store.

Idiots will tell you "that can't happen" where they live. I'm sure those six women THOUGHT the same thing... likewise, that doctor in Connecticut who lost his entire family to a couple of animals who raped them and burned them to death.

And that doesn't count crazed jihadis like those in San Bernardino and the Pulse nightclub.

ANY place can become deadly dangerous in an instant. It only takes ONE person to make it so.

Recognizing that isn't "fear", it's acknowledging reality. Ignoring reality isn't being brave. It's being stupid. Those who would counsel you to do so mean you harm.

 

[Dog Soldier]

Prospective gun owners who suffer from a gun phobia need to understand their problem. As a Handgun instructor both civilian and police I have seen this Hoplophobia condition many times. Deal with the phobia before carrying a firearm.

http://www.gunlaws.com/Hoplophobia-GunFear.htm

 

[A Pause for the Coz]

When you first start to carry your 100% aware 100% of the time of the gun. After a couple years of carrying your only really aware of it if you dont have it on. It should be like your socks, if you forget to put em on you just feel funny.

 

[Panzerschwein]

The reasons I carry a gun is to prevent some IDIOT or sick individual from either gravely wounding, raping, or killing me and my family. The thought of me or my loved ones succumbing to this from one of any various monsters and disgusting people in society just sickens me.

It is to prevent a much more personal attack, an attack from another human being who is out to get you. A firearm is excellent defense from this happening.

Things like wearing a helmet, not going out of the house for fear of getting bit my dogs, falling down stairs, I don't take precautions from these things as for one they are impractical to defense against and two, they are impersonal and usually accidental in nature. When they happen, it's not because someone is taking advantage of you, but because of nature and gravity and stuff like that.

 

[X-Rap]

Almost 40 responses and not a single reply from the fearful OP???
All the cliches and philosophical answers one would expect but i question the sincerity of the original inquiry.

 

[old lady new shooter]

Being that I also grew up in a gun-free environment, maybe my experience will be helpful. The sharp rise in terrorist attacks, some of which killed people in my general social circle although not personal friends, combined with increased awareness of garden-variety crime plus realizing that I can't really run away from an attack at this point in my life, prompted me to learn to shoot, and acquire a gun. I'm very clear that if someone is G-d forbid trying to kill or rape me, my job is to prevent him or her from doing so, and given my age, size and health issues, a firearm is the best tool for that purpose. Perhaps because I spent a long time thinking about this before acting on it, I have no ambivalence about this understanding. But when I started learning all this stuff it took up a lot of brain space, and thinking about it all the time can make a person feel like they're living in a war zone. It doesn't help that where I live regular people are not issued concealed carry permits -- my house is hardened and at home I am armed, but outside I feel pretty vulnerable. That said, when I started keeping a loaded gun at hand in my house it was somewhat nervous-making, the first week I kept mentally repeating "Remember it's loaded, remember it's loaded." Now it's just another part of my life. I suppose if we do get concealed carry here, or I move elsewhere, I'll have another adjustment period to go through, but based on my experience so far I expect it will be just that, an adjustment period. And I predict the same will be true for you.

 

[JRWhit]

Almost 40 responses and not a single reply from the fearful OP???
All the cliches and philosophical answers one would expect but i question the sincerity of the original inquiry.

One does wonder.

 

[chicharrones]

Almost 40 responses and not a single reply from the fearful OP???
All the cliches and philosophical answers one would expect but i question the sincerity of the original inquiry.

I see the OP only posts about 36 times a year. I'm sure the OP has a lot to think about on such a serious subject.

Plus, Thanksgiving weekend is in full swing. The OP might be actually doing something with family or in the great outdoors (his handle is AKMtnRunner). I'm kinda envious of that possibility as I sit here on the computer on my day off while my wife is fixing me a late breakfast.

 

[jeepnik]

OP states that a bad day can change everything. True. And so is the old adage, it's better to have something and not need it than need it and not have it.

I think what's happening here is that the OP is paranoid about appearing paranoid to his friends and family. Can't help him with that.

 

[Louca]

I think what's happening here is that the OP is paranoid about appearing paranoid to his friends and family. Can't help him with that.

Not to play psychologist here (of which I am not), I would sort of agree. Carrying a firearm for personal protection is just that: personal. It is a very personal thing and he (and definitely I, and maybe a lot of us) try to make that personal inward decision be acceptable publicly. It has to do with a sense of validation and acceptance, that somehow you are not right or decent or somehow good unless your decision is accepted by others, especially others you value.

What it came down to with me was the fact that my concealed carry is just that - concealed. It is personal, private, and the equipment is not meant to be seen, not ever and not by anyone. If it ever is, I consider that my fault. So hopefully there will never be any discussion of why I have decided to carry.

Possibly a more salient discussion would be what happens if someone(s) found out I am carrying and confront me as to why I am doing that. There is no obligation at all for me to "defend" my decision to carry or to somehow convince others to agree with me or to convert others to my way of thinking. It is a lot like me trying convince someone that a certain comedian is funny when they don't think so. So what would I say if confronted? Probably just something like "it's just a personal decision."

Now the other conversation I really do not like having is when someone comes up to me and asks me if I am (as in right now) carrying. My first thought is, "that's none of your business!" And that's true, it is NOT any of their business. And I could get in their face and tell them that and be just as obnoxious as they were at asking me in the first place. Instead, I try to deflect the conversation to it being personal thing. I might reply with something like, "I never answer that question because I think it is a very personal question that should not be asked." Asking me that question falls into the personal category of questions like: "how much money do you make?", or "are you on prozac right now?", "did you ever kill anyone in the war?", or even nowadays "who did you vote for?".

It's personal.

 

[Louca]

OP states that a bad day can change everything. True. And so is the old adage, it's better to have something and not need it than need it and not have it.

Yep. I have witnessed it first hand. Had a super liberal anti-gun friend who was totally against having any guns. Long story shortened, his house was broken into in the middle of the night and he was held at knife point while he turned over all the money he had on hand. He called me the next day and pleaded with me to go with him to help in buying a security system and ... wait for it ... a shotgun. Ironically, the perp took the guy's wallet too so after getting money from the bank all my friend could buy was the security system since purchase of the shotgun required a drivers license which went with the wallet.

 

[Blacksmoke]

In the movie "Lawrence of Arabia", he said it best of all to Sherif Ali, "My fear is my own."

Truly!

 

[herrwalther]

I'll see if I can help you out. Like you, I was raised by anti parents who do not see a reason to own a firearm for personal protection. No need to hunt food because you can go to the store and buy it. I also grew up in a state that had and still has very restrictive firearm laws, NY. I had very limited access to toy firearms such as water pistols, nerf guns, BB guns, airsoft etc. 9/11 was my wakeup call, as well has thousands of kids in my generation. I went to a military university in a very gun friendly state and joined the Army. The more training I got the more comfortable I got with firearms. On my 21st birthday I walked into a local gun shop and bought my first firearm and handgun. And I still have it. I have hiked most of the prominent mountains of the White and Green mountains with that firearm by my side and had no problem enjoying the nature around me. I still carry it IWB for personal protection.

Sure I get called paranoid by my parents, family, and non armed friends. I don't really care. I still visit them and rarely talk guns unless they bring up the subject. I have taught friends and family how to shoot. Some of my students have become police officers, SWAT, and great shots in the military.

 

[Varminterror]

[T]he other conversation I really do not like having is when someone comes up to me and asks me if I am (as in right now) carrying.

Being asked that question is an opportunity to answer a question with a question: "Why do you ask?" Asking this puts them on the spot, and most often, it reveals their intent. Sometimes folks will ask simply because you're printing a bit. Some folks will ask because it makes them uncomfortable. Some folks will ask because they'd like your opinion on your piece or your holster. More often than not, unless you're blatantly printing, a person who is made uncomfortable by others carrying around them aren't savvy enough to notice a well concealed piece - so it'll be a fellow carrier or supporter who notices.

 

[Ironicaintit]

I grew up in an arsenal, so it's hard for me to empathize with being raised without guns around.

My sisters and I saw some crazy happenings; the oldest is vehemently anti-gun, the middle is kinda on the fence (but open minded and non judgemental), and then there's me, the gearhead hoplophile.

I'm aware of my surroundings enough to be well aware that not everybody sees the world as I do... as a place to be dealt with rationally, calmly, and in awe...and people are to be treated positively, with sincere love and respect.

Those bad apples; the ones that have bile in their heart, or are just thoughtless and love to sow chaos, never minding the consequence to their fellow men...... Though statistically minuscule, they are out there, and they do prey on people.
And then there's packs of semi-wild dogs (seen 'em), injured animals that need to be put down (done that), etc.

It is nobody's responsibility but my own, to retain the force and skill necessary to better ensure the safety of my family and myself.
Not out of fear, but out of respect for the nature of man.