4 pages later.. wow
...
Seriously, your best bet is to start off with a 9mm.. Cheapest ammo, allows you to spend the time learning and lots of practice. This will also determine if you want to stay involved in guns. If you do, then you, like most of us, will buy several, many, more guns over the years.
Then you'll end up saying, "why didn't I get a 45 cal?"
On the other hand, if you don't want to pursue your gun knowledge, a 9mm will be a user-friendly item to sell, as compared to a 380.
Sig P232 SL 380:
I will say this about the 380, that size wise, the gun, it is very ccw, and as far as punch, effect, it's there, but it's the shot placement that will do it, not so much the size of the bullet. But one thing I can tell you about 380, it is not as soft a shooter compared to a 9mm IMO, and it requires high maintenance, in that, because of the "blow back" action it uses to cycle each round, they get dirty quick, and from my experience, anything past 200 rounds of clean, new, ammo, FMJ for range, HD/SD, everything, IMO, and your chances of a jam go way up..
Keep it clean, on or before 200 rounds, and you should have no problems.
Sig P229R 9mm
Speaking for my other Sig 9mm, it can and does go, 800 rounds without any problems before I give her a total cleaning..
9mm ammo comes in many loads, so the question of impact punch, is mute IMO, but once again, it all comes down to shooter's shot-placements.
Another advantage of a 9mm is most can be fitted with Crimson Trace Laser "grips", which can't be beat for Night time use, at will.
To my knowledge, least for my 380, these laser grips are not an option available.
Last, even if you say price is not the concern, let's say it is concern, and you're having a hard time justifying spending 900-1000 dollars for a first SD/HD gun that you may or may not like up the road after the money has been spent.
That was my big concern, for my first gun, and it all came down to natural feel, point to aim, ease of slide action and field-stripping. The 2 guns, one for 500 bucks, the CZ, and the other for 600 bucks, the Beretta Px4 were the final choices, and Beretta won out because of size, weight, ease of action, ease of field stripping for inspection, and all around finish.
I would point you at either a CZ or a Beretta Px4 in 9mm, as the 40cal which I bought, and still is my favorite gun out of the bunch, demands the most practice to get used to the recoil effect, even though, looking back, it wasn't, and isn't that bad. But after shooting it for some 800 rounds, then getting my second gun, the Sig 9mm, and the rest in the order you see, they ALL shot so easy compared to the 40cal, which, when I went back to the 40cal, after shooting the 9mm, it too, seemed more docile.. With the exception of the 380, I was, still am, surprised at the amount of snap/recoil it serves out, each round. Love the gun, just not a forgiving gun in 95gr IMO.
It's just getting proper technique down that makes each gun work, some more forgiving than others.. IMO.
Best of luck, again
LS