I feel like ******bag of the year

[OneLiveRound]

:banghead: I have serious problems sleeping and my kid and my ol lady woke me up in a panic yelling they didn't know what was going on. Now I've been shot at before in a combat zone and I know what Gunshots sound like so I can only allude to that's the reason I didn't awaken my self. I take lunesta and I've had lightning wake me up as well as the house settling wake me up prior to this. Basically I fell asleep on the couch (which is a rarity for me but I sleep when I can get it) and I guess I was asleep for about 45 minutes and I was in that weird space when you're in REM but not that deep , and they frigging come in and yell at me to wake up. Simultaneously as I awaken I hear an explosion , so my half sleep ass yell at them to "Get the **** Down!!!" and I Hustle them into the "Safe Room" I Charge the AK "and mutter something I don't remember to her and hand it to her" and grab the Mossberg and start clearing the house. I get to the second room and I awaken to reality and see the colors of Fireworks out side the window. Now I feel like the biggest ******bag in the world. I need help in trying to figure out why I reacted the way I did.

#1 When my Eyes opened I see a panicked wife grabbing me and shaking me (since she knows better plus an explosion outside my bay window that looks like willy pete totally took me out of my normal frame of mind)

#2 It's strange to me how I reacted because I don't remember assessing the situation , It's like I was on some weird autopilot that I couldn't control.

#3 It bothers me that I started clearing the house without all of my wits about me. ( I've trained around my house before but The part that bothers me is like I've said before It's almost like I was on some sort of loop.) I went through the fatal funnel and pied the corner around my kids room and Honestly I don't remember doing any of it.

Any info would be good.

Any feedback from you guys would be well appreciated.

 

[JCisHe]

Guys train so they can operate on autopilot successfully. I don't see the problem. I mean, beside freaking out like a vietnam vet, you did what you said you trained to do right?

 

[OneLiveRound]

I guess so but the lack of control bothered me , we all talk about what we'll do if this and that situation happens. But how I reacted from a dead sleep kinda bothered me because in all honesty I don't feel like I had control over the situation. God forbid there was some sort of forced entry , yes It's great to know that I guess you'll react the way you train. But the fact that I don't remember doing or saying anything still bothers me.

 

[David904]

I was trained that you never ever want that shot you fired at a threat to be an automatic response. Your actions in a combat situation should be deliberate and as methodical as your training will enable you to be.

Blind response to threat stimuli isn't a good thing. I'd go talk to somebody professional. Pay cash and use a different name if it makes you feel better. But see if there is something that can help you manage or come to terms with your PTSD. Otherwise, I think a tragedy is not far down the road for you. Get a handle on things. You have guns to protect your family. Don't become the threat.

Edited to add:
PTSD happens to the best of us. Don't let it get you down. Your mind is like a lot of rooms with doors. And inside those rooms are memories. You need to be able to go into those rooms, take out those memories, and handle them on your own terms. Otherwise, you'll open the wrong door in the dark one day, and you'll come face to face with something unpleasant from your past when you aren't ready for it.

 

[OneLiveRound]

It's funny you say that because I THOUGHT things were ok upstairs. but reevaluating how it went down and my response. I think I need to have a lil chat on the couch with one of my buddies.

" ( I've had strange dreams ( I MEAN REALLY OFF) since the end of August & my ol lady has been able to talk to me about it. As a guy you're supposed to "be the rock" but after this I think its time for a reval.

 

[rocket lad]

Glad to hear all was well on the home front. About the PTSD...


my father is retired Army, was a LRRP in the 101st in Vietnam in 68 and 69...basically the kind of guy you'd expect to be tough as nails. And he is...but it took me coming home in the middle of the night seeing him in the middle of a flashback before he determined he should head to the VA and talk to someone -- after living with nightmares and waking up in cold sweats for ~30 years.

Moral of the story, get help soon. It's good to see you're open to it.

 

[rainbowbob]

I awaken to reality and see the colors of Fireworks out side the window.

What was actually going on? Were the neighbors shooting off fireworks in October? What time of day was it?

I'm not so sure reacting to being awakened by panicking family members and the sounds of explosions qualifies as PTSD.

That might freak anybody out.

 

[TheVeteran]

PTSD is a bitch... I know a lot of people who have it. In fact, everyone I know who deployed came back with it.

Talking to someone can only help. Oh, and don't feel like a dirtbag or anything, you just responded how you were trained to.

 

[coloradokevin]

Discharging your weapon should always be a conscious decision, and should never happen on auto-pilot. However, the reality is that a lot of things we do in real world encounters happen in a way that we would often later find ourselves describing as auto-pilot. In a sense, training is geared towards producing this type of response, at least to a degree. The ultimate result of years of training is often that you respond to a threat through an almost unconscious and trained "intuition", if that makes sense.

Not all of this is necessarily firearms related. For example, during police academy training a significant focus is placed on defensive/emergency vehicle operation. In training they'll show you how to efficiently conduct an evasive lane change to avoid a collision, and you'll practice such maneuvers at varying speeds. But, when you need to make an emergency evasive lane change in real life, you do so without taking the time to really think through the process... Your training kicks in, and you complete the maneuver as your training and experience have taught you how to do.

I've previously mentioned a duty-related situation where I was quickly confronted with a lunatic who was armed with a large knife. In this instance training carried me to the point just before discharging my weapon. I don't remember making a conscious decision to unsnap my holster, draw the weapon, move towards cover, or start shouting commands at the subject. I reacted as I was trained to do, and my instinctive (trained) reaction undoubtedly occured faster than I could have made the conscious decision to take such action. In that instance I didn't end up shooting, and conscious thought controlled the decision on whether or not to shoot.

Having said all that, while training is a factor in how we respond to situations, and your family certainly put you in a scenario where most people could easily feel threatened, your description of other circumstances in your life make me wonder if PTSD could be a factor (you mentioned being shot at in combat, having serious sleep issues, strange dreams recently, and sometimes waking to sounds that you may believe are gunshots). To be entirely fair, I'm a cop, and not a clinical psychologist. But you seem to be describing a few of the issues that could be symptomatic of such a disorder. If there is any chance that PTSD is a factor, please seek help from a qualified professional. There is no shame in needing help with those kinds of issues, and I know a number of fellow officers who have fallen victim to PTSD... without the proper help, PTSD can destroy a person's life!

 

[THE DARK KNIGHT]

Yeah, you should get help man. Seems to me like you love your family and want to protect them, and acting like that may very well do the opposite.

 

[slabuda]

No not a dirt bag at all. Explain to the family what you just said.

But I think you do need some help. If you dont want to talk to a doc and have hings in medical records (VA or otherwise)...see a chaplain. They are really very good counselors even if you are not religious.

 

[bigfatdave]

OneLiveRound, it sounds like you woke up on autopilot and ran through a plan to some degree. Explosions triggering such a response is fairly reasonable, but you made it quite a ways through the pre-plan before taking a moment to re-assess what was really going on.

I would say that you owe it to yourself and your family to see a pro about it, whether you go through the VA or do it on your own dime is up to you, I certainly can't recommend a pro in your area, but perhaps a local Veteran's group can. I did my time in the service pushing steel cans underwater, and I'm sure my "boat-mares" don't even begin to compare to getting shot at personally or routine explosions.

In the meantime, perhaps you need a reminder in the pre-plan, some sort of stop point after hitting the safe room and before you start handing out weapons to bewildered wives or clearing your home alone. It might be as simple as a moment in the plan to do a headcount and figure out exactly what the threat is amongst the adults and older kids present ... if nobody has an specific reason to be in the panic room, call it a drill(?), I suppose.

 

[Shadow 7D]

Um, dude you were on a very powerful med, (used to be a medic in a prior life, and got in sh** for sleeping through the incomming (the command decided that we couldn't use the bunker 25 feet away because we were storing the spare TOWs in it.) so really didn't see the point of getting up, I would be F'd anyways)

That you remember it is good, that your plans work is good, that you wife didn't freak is good. That you wife hasn't learned how to wake you by now is not good You arn't alone,

JCisHe READ his post, you're an *** HE has been there and DONE THAT, I ducked at backfires, and can tell you that there was one very scared POG when an entire formation a week back from Iraq trained weapons on him after a little car 'hicup', when you die if you don't learn, you learn and it sticks.....

OK, to add something as everybody else responded at the same time...
You're on a sleep med, the technical name is a.... HYPNOTIC as in sleep walking, altered mental states, waking someone under on sleep meds in not a good thing, as in they could be alert but no bodies home. See your doc and tell them about this, don't need a shrink yet (I saw one when I was getting out of the army, help, mostly to adjust to civi life) BUT you do need to talk to your doc as Lunesta might not the be med for you, you also need to talk to your wife about not messing with your sleep esp. if you take your pill. Use this to illustrate your point

 

[GRIZ22]

Possible serious side effects of LUNESTA include:

•getting out of bed while not being fully awake and doing an activity you do not know you are doing. (To learn more, read the LUNESTA Medication Guide).
•abnormal thoughts and behavior. Symptoms include more outgoing or aggressive behavior than normal, confusion, agitation, hallucinations, worsening of depression, and suicidal thoughts or actions.
•memory loss
•anxiety

Tell the doctor that prescribed the Lunesta what happened. Lock up the guns and give your wife the key untill you get this settled. You probably shouldn't be taking this drug and handling guns.

 

[FuzzyBunny]

LUNESTA And AMBIEN are 2 drugs I will not take!

There have been cases of folks doing wild and crazy things on these meds! Such as driving while naked to the 24 hour walmart and shopping and waking up in jail. Really, do a web search and read some of the experiences folks have had on these 2 drugs, Ambien is the worst.

Docs like to prescribe these because they might be non controlled or they get a present from the drug rep if they write enough scripts.

I ask for Xanax for sleep because I can wake up in full control. The doc ask why and I told him I used to sleep walk sometimes and he said "you sure don't want this cr@p then". He then wrote the generic xanax script and said "good luck.

I do agree on adding threat reassessment points or "stop and think" points before clearing the house.

I chalk most of this to the meds. A small part to the need to modify your training.

But what do I know!

 

[warman]

It's most likely the medicine like the others have said. You're probably going to do better just taking benadryl if you need something to help you sleep once in awhile. Also, get checked for sleep apnea if you are having problems getting sleep.

 

[riverdog]

. . .I guess I was asleep for about 45 minutes and I was in that weird space when you're in REM but not that deep. . .

45 minutes puts you at a fairly deep level of sleep .

I don't see a problem other than your family waking you up to explosions and fireworks. You just don't wake people up like that unless it's really important and fireworks aren't important. Your wife should have told your kids to "let your dad sleep"; your family just got a lesson in how not to wake up dad.

Read up on Night terror to see how bad it can get when waking from a deep sleep.

A typical night terror episode usually occurs in the first hour of sleep.

 

[bikerdoc]

Brother,

Been there done that. You are not a dirtbag.You did good on auto pilot. As for the meds, time for a change. Get into a support group - made a big difference in my life. Helps you drain out the trauma civilians do not understand. Pm me if you want. Check out my profile for bonafides

Doc

 

[Fred Fuller]

OLR,

DO drop Doc a PM... and mind-altering sleep aids are NOT a good thing, IMHO. Especially for vets. I've seen it before...

Take care,

lpl

 

[hso]

You should talk to your sleep doctor right away. Set up an appointment to go in to see the MD and explain the situation. Simply tell them you found yourself in an unsafe situation and that it is urgent you talk to them.

 

[tobyjones]

Both my wife and I take Ambien for sleep. Recognize that it is a very powerful drug with some very unusual side effects. When either my wife or I take it (we never take it the same night) we effectively sign out. In the event of a fire, bump in the night, barking dog or crying kid the non medicated spouse has the duty to respond.

You now know how this drug can make you react. You have a responsibility to act accordingly. Maybe give your wife the keys to the gun safe and lock everything up on the nights you need help sleeping. This is no different than giving a friend your car keys when you go out drinking.

If you go to your doc with this you will be taken off lunesta both to protect yourself and your family and because as soon as your doc learns of your actions under the influence you become a serious liability should they continue to prescribe it. Lack of sleep frequently leads to lack of employment and can damage your health and well being in many other ways, but it is usually not recognized as being as serious as being a gun toting zombie.

There are other medications out there (unisom-over the conter, Trazadone-by prescription) that have fewer dissociative effects. But are generally not as effective as Lunesta, Sonata, and Ambien. (and you may have the same reaction to a bump in the night due to your past experiences)

Consider EMDR (look it up) It can be very effective very quickly for some people.

Good Luck

 

[BHP FAN]

Lunesta DOES that.Ambien,too.Try visiting the healthfood store they have several all natural sleep aids.I feel your pain.I've worked graveyard shift for ten years now.

 

[grampster]

You've got some good advice from fellers here. A good many of them have BTDT. That means it's good advice.

 

[Brian Williams]

listen to bikerdoc.

 

[wheelgunslinger]

I have similar experiences with sleep aids.

I discontinued them and use meditation before bed to help me relax so I can sleep.

I agree with Bikerdoc that you're well advised to find a group to join. It can make a big difference in your overall quality of life, not just in your sleep cycles.