Three is old enough to learn the Eddie Eagle rules:
If you see a gun, STOP.
Don't touch it!
Leave the area.
Tell an adult.
***
When you have him chant those rules with you, discuss them. When he's got a vague and hazy idea of what the rules are, then you can ask him this very important question:
"Do you know what to do if you really, really, REALLY want to touch the gun?"
He may or may not be able to tell you, so you tell him the rules again. Tell him that no matter what he must not touch the gun. But...
Then teach him one more, very important, rule: "If I really, really, REALLY want to touch the gun, I will leave the room and ask an adult if I can!"
Okay, that's the brain game. Now for the rest of it.
In order to get him to the point where there's a better-than-even chance he'll obey those rules when you aren't looking, you want to demystify guns. You do not need to go to the range for this. What you need is
1) an unloaded gun, and
2) a absolutely safe direction, and
3) a patient, calm demeanor.
What you are going to do is teach your son that anytime he wants to hold a gun, you will drop whatever else you are doing and stand over him while he holds the unloaded gun pointed in a safe direction. You are doing this so that his curiousity doesn't kill him sometime when you are not around, and you are doing it so that "leave the room and tell an adult" will never mean the end of fun to him. You are doing that so that "tell an adult" is to him a promise that the adult will satisfy his curiousity and let other good things happen too.
(And for goodness' sake! If he ever does come and tell you about it, give him a candy bar or take him to the playground or do whatever it is that you would do to show him that you are really, really pleased with him. Don't react with panic ... react with pride and let him see how pleased & proud you are!)
So you take your gun. You check to be sure it's unloaded. You check again, and then check one more time. Then you lock the slide back and hold the gun in front of your child's hands, pointed in a safe direction. You show him where the bullets would be if there were any bullets in it. You explain that this gun right now isn't loaded, and that if it were loaded it would be very, very dangerous.
He will not absorb all this or even most of it. You tell him anyway.
More important, you let him see that you never ever ever ever ever point the gun anywhere except the safe direction -- and that you checked three times to make sure it was unloaded -- and that you had him check to see it was unloaded.
You tell him that the gun has to stay pointed that direction, and only that direction.
Then comes the scary part: you hand him the gun.
Hover. Hover and be ready to grab if the gun waves anywhere else.
Answer his questions. Let him poke buttons and try to pull the trigger if he wants.
Hover. Don't let your attention wander. Don't let him turn the gun around. Keep your hands right there and ready to control if you need to.
After about two minutes, he'll be bored because face it, there's nothing exciting about safely holding an unloaded weapon pointing at nothing much, even if you've never done it before. Wait until he is bored, and says so; you want him to end this exploration. When he gives the gun back, tell him you'll let him hold the gun anytime he asks, but what are the rules if he just finds a gun?
Stop.
Don't touch!
Leave the area.
Tell an adult.
And if he really, really, really wants to touch ... leave the area and ASK an adult.
He'll probably ask to hold your gun about every hour for a day, then once or twice a day for a week, and then every once in awhile for a long time. It is worth it to drop whatever you are doing and let him. You are reassuring him that telling an adult is a worthwhile thing to do -- and showing him that holding a gun and poking at it really isn't that exciting.
pax
mom to five very active boys
