This seems like a really good idea, someone who will tell those biased
numnuts in the White House Press Corp exactly what you or me would like to
say.
.....U.S. Press Secretary......
R. Lee Ermey, for the few of you that missed it, was the host of The
History
Channel's "Mail Call" and played the D.I. in the movie Full Metal Jacket.
R. Lee is a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a very plain speaker as
you
will soon read. So, for your entertainment, here is Retired Marine Gunnery
Sergeant R. Lee Ermey at his first press conference as U.S. Press
Secretary.
The main topic of discussion is the Marine in Iraq who shot the Iraq
insurgent to death. We pick up as the reporter asks about how this
potential
war crime will effect our image in the world:
Ermey: "What kind of a pansy-assed question is that?"
Reporter: "Well I think...."
Ermey: "THINK, nancy boy? Get this through that septic tank on top of your
shoulders moron, I DON'T GIVE A F*CK WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND
ME???
That Marine shot an ENEMY COMBATANT SH*THEAD, SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR
ASS AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION!!!
Next question. You in the blue suit."
Reporter 2: Don't you think that the world's opinion of our
operations is important?
Ermey: "Oh sure! You don't know the times I have cried myself to sleep
worrying about what some g*ddamned French pansy thinks! Oh the days I have
had to weep because some sh*t eating terrorist f*cker might be mad at us
because we went into whatever god-forsaken hole in the sh*t that he lives
in
and killed him. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT YOU PETER
PUFFING JACKASS?? WE ARE THE MOTHER F*CKING USA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US WE
ARE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING CAMEL-LICKING
CARCASS
INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE!!
I know what you are thinking. You are probably afraid, thinking that I
have
such an "extreme" attitude and that I need to be ore "sensitive" to other
people's feelings. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU POLE SMOKING PANSY!
I
DON'T GIVE 2 SH*TS WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMN WAR,
AND
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND SUCK ON MAMMA'S TIT!! DO
YOU
HEAR ME YOU RUNT?? NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY
AND BEAT THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF YOU!!!
Next question, you with the ugly assed tie. Look at that thing. It is
hideous."
Reporter 3: "Aren't you going against the freedom of the press by..."
Ermey: "FREEDOM?? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I HAVE
SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION!! WHAT IN THE
HELL HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SH*T SUCKING WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU PUT YOUR ASS ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE
UNMITIGATED
TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A
MARINE WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM ATTACK BY SOME
MURDEROUS
AL-QUEDA SYMPATHIZER!!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT NUMNUTS?
I
AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF GRABASSTIC, DISORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS
AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AS WAR
CRIMINALS! I AM CONCERNED ABOUT CHICKEN SH*T PANSIES THAT WANT US TO
NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND THEN WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS ANT
"FREEDOMS"!!"
Reporter 3: "I..."
Ermey: "Did you have a big bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning,
numbnuts? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRYHOLE IN
THAT SH*TPILE YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU
PANSY-ASSED MORONS! NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE
MY
BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES!!!!"
numnuts in the White House Press Corp exactly what you or me would like to
say.
.....U.S. Press Secretary......
R. Lee Ermey, for the few of you that missed it, was the host of The
History
Channel's "Mail Call" and played the D.I. in the movie Full Metal Jacket.
R. Lee is a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant and a very plain speaker as
you
will soon read. So, for your entertainment, here is Retired Marine Gunnery
Sergeant R. Lee Ermey at his first press conference as U.S. Press
Secretary.
The main topic of discussion is the Marine in Iraq who shot the Iraq
insurgent to death. We pick up as the reporter asks about how this
potential
war crime will effect our image in the world:
Ermey: "What kind of a pansy-assed question is that?"
Reporter: "Well I think...."
Ermey: "THINK, nancy boy? Get this through that septic tank on top of your
shoulders moron, I DON'T GIVE A F*CK WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND
ME???
That Marine shot an ENEMY COMBATANT SH*THEAD, SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR
ASS AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION!!!
Next question. You in the blue suit."
Reporter 2: Don't you think that the world's opinion of our
operations is important?
Ermey: "Oh sure! You don't know the times I have cried myself to sleep
worrying about what some g*ddamned French pansy thinks! Oh the days I have
had to weep because some sh*t eating terrorist f*cker might be mad at us
because we went into whatever god-forsaken hole in the sh*t that he lives
in
and killed him. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT YOU PETER
PUFFING JACKASS?? WE ARE THE MOTHER F*CKING USA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US WE
ARE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING CAMEL-LICKING
CARCASS
INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE!!
I know what you are thinking. You are probably afraid, thinking that I
have
such an "extreme" attitude and that I need to be ore "sensitive" to other
people's feelings. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU POLE SMOKING PANSY!
I
DON'T GIVE 2 SH*TS WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMN WAR,
AND
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND SUCK ON MAMMA'S TIT!! DO
YOU
HEAR ME YOU RUNT?? NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY
AND BEAT THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF YOU!!!
Next question, you with the ugly assed tie. Look at that thing. It is
hideous."
Reporter 3: "Aren't you going against the freedom of the press by..."
Ermey: "FREEDOM?? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I HAVE
SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION!! WHAT IN THE
HELL HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SH*T SUCKING WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU PUT YOUR ASS ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE
UNMITIGATED
TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A
MARINE WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM ATTACK BY SOME
MURDEROUS
AL-QUEDA SYMPATHIZER!!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT NUMNUTS?
I
AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF GRABASSTIC, DISORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS
AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AS WAR
CRIMINALS! I AM CONCERNED ABOUT CHICKEN SH*T PANSIES THAT WANT US TO
NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND THEN WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS ANT
"FREEDOMS"!!"
Reporter 3: "I..."
Ermey: "Did you have a big bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning,
numbnuts? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRYHOLE IN
THAT SH*TPILE YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU
PANSY-ASSED MORONS! NOW GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE
MY
BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES!!!!"
