This was posted in the 24 Thread in the FN Forum
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer's vanity plate reads: IKIL4CTU.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times.
Jack Bauer managed to get a second bag of peanuts from the flight attendant even though the airline does not serve peanuts.
Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris admitted that he was gay.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.
Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.