Anyone who reads my posts knows how much I respect the police profession. I spent too much time behind the badge not to hold most police officers in extremely high regard. That said, here is my take on what the OP described.
The female cop was wrong to draw and point her gun at you. This is a (clearly improper) use of deadly force even though no shots were fired. From what was posted I can see absolutely no reason to present a weapon. She placed you and your child (and anyone behind you in the parking lot) in front of a loaded firearm with absolutely no justification. It wouldn't have mattered if you had the stolen laptop in your hand, this is still not (yet) a situation that warrants pulling a gun. The cops should be ready for the situation to escalate, but until it does, the guns should have stayed holstered. LEO ID should have been presented from the initial contact, and both should have announced that they were LEO before any action was taken.
Rayman, you handled yourself well. Even though you were unsure of who she was, you read the cues the way I would have: That if she was going to shoot, she would have just done so instead of ordering me to stop, and because of that I have time to further assess the situation and make my tactical decisions.
Whether you would have been justified in shooting in this case is something that can be argued forever. To me it boils down to shooting only those folks we absolutely have to shoot, not simply shooting everyone the law says we are justified to shoot. Strange as it sounds, there is a difference. It would take a large room to hold all the people I've been legally justified to shoot but ultimately didn't have to, throughout my career.
You would definitely have been within your rights to question her actions then and there. Unfortunately, since she wasn't handling herself in a professional manner to begin with, it would probably have been counter-productive to expect her to be receptive to criticism. An escalation of the situation at the scene would likely not have produced a positive outcome. Here, you handled yourself well again.
Your wife had the right idea. File a complaint. I love, respect and revere my brothers and sister in Blue, but I won't ever make excuses for reckless, stupid and unprofessional or criminal behavior. This runs counter to everything we swear our Oath to do. I've brought administrative charges against bad cops, fired bad cops. arrested bad cops, and investigated and prosecuted bad cops (and once even punched out a bad cop). I did those things out of DUTY. That's part of the "protect and serve".
My advice is to take TAB's advice and don't let them get away with their actions. Based on TABs post, I sense that he is no fan of the police, but I can't blame him when I read or hear about incidents like this. Good Citizens see the actions (good or bad) of very few police as they go about their daily lives and so they base their judgments on those limited observations. Unfortunately, we all get blamed when the bad ones act up. That's why it is so important to report this behavior to the Sheriff. The department can't address what it doesn't know about.
If this had happened to me I'd go in person to the highest ranking law enforcement officer with whom I can personally get an appointment (Sheriff, if possible in your case). Using the calm and cool manner that got (you) through the original incident, I'd outline what happened and every concern I have. I'd ask them to see a copy of the departmental use of force policy and ask them how the officers actions fit that model. I'd tell them that this is an official complaint and I expect action to be taken. I'd ask them to explain to me how the complaint will be investigated and tell them I expect to be made aware of the outcome of the investigation. If they blow you off, which I don't think they will, I think I'd call a lawyer.
Will it do any good? It would have on my department. Most Chiefs and Sheriffs don't want or need officers in the field conducting themselves as you've described. They know that they can be held liable for the actions of those under their command.
I thank God for every good cop out there. I pray that I was one of them. But, at the end of the day... we are here for the public, not the other way around.
I hope this works out for the best for all concerned.
Respectfully,
DarkSoldier