Have you measured the Cylinder to Forcing Cone gaps on your Revolvers?
There really should not be any such mess as you describe, if those are correct.
I do not even have any mess shooting Black Powder .38 Specials ( and, of course, Lead Bullets).
If you really wish to shoot .355 or so Plated Bullets in .38 Special or .357...one way to do it with good results is to take a .358 Sizing Die, and, make a Top Punch suited to the Bullet Nose shape...set the Sizing Die on an Anvil, put a Bullet in to it, and, then set the Top Punch on to that, and give it a really hard wack or two or three, with a four pound Sledge Hammer, so the Bullet will then be .358-ish.
That or get a Hydraulic Swaging set up, and, swage the .355 Bullets to be .358 so they may fit correctly.