Mrs. Slob Has A One-On-One Coaching Session Soon...Question 4 U Folks

[30 cal slob]

My wife has her CCW (thank God) but doesn't have much experience shooting.

I signed her up for an individual one hour coaching / refresher course with a well-regarded female instructor (NRA certified, etc). SAFETY, lawful use of deadly force, shooting technique, perhaps weapons selection will be covered. A mini-refresher, really. I want to get her technique down, which will be the foundation for future practice (once a month).

Remember, this is Mrs. Slob - she's not a gunny like me but is open to defending herself and her family at home.

We'll probably be the only ones at the (indoor) pistol range at the time.

Question: Should I be present in the range?

I want to shoot with a can (I need practice too), so noise won't be an issue, but I don't want to distract my wife with my presence if it means she won't be free to ask the instructor questions, etc. This is time reserved exclusively for her.

Thank you for your input in advance.

-slob

 

[1911 guy]

My limited experience with teaching family.

In my opinion, no. This lies strictly with your wifes' "comfort zone", not your ability or inability to stay out of the way. She'll know you're there and will be distracted. I taught my own wife how to use a handgun, but when I hand her off to instructors more skilled in teaching than I, I make like a scalded dog and go away. She will concentrate solely on the instructor (you're paying, get the moneys' worth) and will actually be more open to you for discussion afterward. If you're present, you may get the "well, you were right there..." as an answer to any querry. This discussion afterward will cement things in her mind, usually, as most women tend to consolidate things verbally. Just a bit of phychobabble there, but it's (usually) true.

 

[SteveS]

Ask her if she'd like you to be there.

 

[SDC]

If she's got the basics down, there's no reason to be there; in fact, I'd make a little contest out of it (give her some decent odds), with the winner getting a little prize, like breakfast in bed.

 

[1911 guy]

Quote:
in fact, I'd make a little contest out of it

Bad idea. She's there to learn, not compete with her husband.

 

[SDC]

I've found that a little competition is usually an INCENTIVE; if she can fire a qualifying score, why shouldn't she be rewarded for a job well done?

 

[hso]

If there's no way that she'll be distracted by your presence it would be fine, but it is very rare that someone isn't distracted by another family member being present while training is taking place. To many dynamics in trying to perform before the audience and all.

It's best to just not be there.

 

[porterdog]

If you're the only ones there take a station 6 or 7 lanes away and ignore them completely. It'll be just like you weren't there.

 

[ZeSpectre]

Personal experience (Mrs. Ze isn't a gunny either).
Find something else to do that day and let her concentrate on the training.

 

[ranger335v]

SDC, MEN tend to respond to the competetive urge. Women rarely do. She only wants to learn how to shoot safely, I'm sure she knows she's not on the same level as you and accepts that. If she is motivated enough to take the course that's all you can ask of her at this point.

Let her take the instruction without competitive pressure or even your intimitadating presence. Even if she says she wants you there, don't go. Letting her stand on her own now will be a confidence builder later and you both want that. Friendly competition should come only after she has plenty of self confidence, and then you should make sure she wins a few to build more self confidence. I recommend you don't use the term "slob" in her hearing, ever, it just won't be helpful.

If she ever does have to face danger alone you want her to believe she's well qualified amd equipped to handle it. What you do now, or don't do, and how you do it will greatly impact the defensive confidence she gains.

 

[230RN]

Seems to me leaving her alone would be a good idea. Builds self-confidence, sense of independence.

But ask with a demurral, "If you want me to be there, OK, but maybe it should stay as a one-on-one."

 

[springmom]

You go off and shop or get a haircut or something. Leave her to it. She needs to learn from the instructor. What are you planning to do if you are there? You can't interrupt. All you could do is distract.

Go do something else, then take her out to dinner later and celebrate.

Springmom

 

[st_albert]

It seems to me, no one has suggested the obvious:

Ask your wife.

Can you trust her to give you an honest answer? If not, begone! If so, do as she desires.

Remember, this is fundamentally about HER and HER ATTITUDE. You have very little leverage to influence these things. Nor should you want to (IMHO).

Do you trust her to make sound decisions? Do you trust the instructor?

Albert

 

[FLORIDA KEVIN]

Why don't you ask her what she thinks ? Our opinions don't really matter ! with regard to "friendly competition with the wife " What are you going to do when she starts beating you ?

 

[Harry Paget Flashman]

No.

I say "No" because I tried to teach my wife how to drive. Three driving schools later and lessons from a female cousin of her's while I was deployed to the Far East for 6 months...my own lesson learned is: No. Let her be.

 

[Trebor]

I'm an instructor and I say, "No," don't be at the range.

Your wife will get more out of the time if you aren't there as a distraction. Even if she is nervous or unsure, she doesn't need you to "hold her hand." Just let her and the instructor work together.

Btw, an hour is not enough time to work on her shooting skils *and* cover the use of deadly force, etc, except for the very simple idea "Only shoot if you honestly believe your life is in danger." I'd focuse on the shooting skills and leave the rest for another time.

 

[ShackleMeNot]

Stay away.

 

[30 cal slob]

allrighty then.

thanks for confirming my gut feeling on this.

i'll just go get my nostrils waxed while she does her thing.

 

[41magsnub]

I'm not a firearms instructor (god knows I need some lessons), but I am a ski instructor and there are some parallels. Both are activities that can be quite stressful and intimidating at first.

The hands down worst lessons I have EVER been involved in are where the husband/boy friend/father are present for a female student. And by worst I don't mean for me (though they are less fun), but for the student. The student is always looking at their relative for reassurance and are afraid to bring things up. I have a speech all worked out now where I can usually convince the other person to take a hike during the lesson.

 

[Brad Johnson]

Just echoing all the above - don't be there.

I recently took some friends out with the express purpose of introducing Mrs. Friend to handguns. The husband, in trying to be helpful, stood right next to her and issued constant verbal corrections. He even corrected me when I was trying to help Mrs Friend find a comforable stance, giving some tired line about how his choice of stance was the best.

In the end it was too much for Mrs. Friend. She quietly packed up her stuff and said she was ready to leave. She later sent me an e-mail thanking me and apologizing for her overbearing hubby. Thankfully it didn't turn her off completely. Just the two of us went back later (with the blessing of Mr. Friend) and finished up the familiarization.

Brad