Need a CCW for a single mother on a budget

[BullfrogKen]

I'm not convinced Protective Orders do anything constructive. But they will make someone already emotionally involved in the circumstances, like an ex-spouse, even more pissed off.


How close are you to this young lady? Not geographically, but how personally involved are you in her life?

The reason I ask is women who leave abusive relationships are used to living that role. And women who enter them often go into them, and stay in them, because they chose to. She's going to have to take independence in areas of her life she never had to before. This particular decision is a very personal one, and she's going to have to take the lead in it.


Normally I recommend folks let their girlfriends, wives, sisters, whoever pick out their own handgun based off of their preferences, after having handled many different makes and models. That takes time.

You're telling us she doesn't have that time.


OK. But she has to be willing to take the lead on this process.


Without knowing you my preference would be to encourage you to steer this lady friend to a neutral, uninvolved, informed third party to help feel her out and guide her through this process. There are reasons why rescue-type organizations are more successful in getting women to break free of abusive relationships than friends and family.

But if this is an arms-length friendship, you might be able to help her.

Visit Kathy's site. Ask her to visit Kathy's site. If she comes to you with the right attitude, help her along the path. A 3" barrel steel J-frame is an easy, cheap, effective system to learn.


Steve and Xavier have some good thoughts here.

But you, yourself need to be aware of the risks of involving yourself in this lady's life, too.

 

[James T Thomas]

used bargain

Occasionally you will encounter a used Ruger SP101; the three inch barrel, in 38 spl. I suppose someone wanted to go up to the 357 and sold it; great gun that they are.

Any way, that is what I would recommend.

Oh yea, and give her some advise: that she can confirm from most any police officer.
The men who are afflicted with this "disorder," I will call it, only escalate the confrontation and violence level until they reach a climax. They never call and end to it, but will lie in wait until the right moment.

She will not be able to use the "continueum of force" scenario that police training gives, for her antagonist will do just that. He will love to respond to such an invitation.

Advise her not to threaten him with a firearm, as most of these fellows percieve that as just a challenge to their already damaged egos, and will respond with some seething and surprise retribution that no handgun will be able to save her from. Or he may force her to shoot him then and there.

She may need a gun for protection, but she needs more to dissappear from his hunting grounds. Vanish. Child, posessions and all. No forwarding address.

He will with time, find some other poor soul that is the cause for all his troubles.

 

[DarkSoldier]

Value of petitions and protective orders...

I'm no expert on human behavior. But, based on three decades in the trenches dealing with the victims and perpetrators of domestic violence, I can only tell you what I've observed:

Humans will do, and continue to do whatever they want to do, as long as they think they can get away with it, and live with it later. He's intimidating her and threatening her because he can and because he enjoys it. It's all positive for him until something turns the tables and forces him to face serious consequences for his actions.

Petitions and protective orders will not guarantee her safety. What they will do is force the perpetrator to face legal consequences for his actions far beyond anything she alone can bring. This includes going to jail. The cops can (and believe me, they will) arrest him on-sight for violations of those orders even when not committed in their presence. As to "pissing him off"? He's already "pissed off". Pepper spraying him is going to "piss him off". Just about anything the victim does other than submit will "piss him off".

My thought would be to tell her to file the reports with the cops and seek every form of petition or order the law will allow her. She should ask to speak to an LE domestic violence officer for guidance. Most departments have one now. If nothing else, it will legally establish for the record that she is legitimately in fear and had asked the court system and law enforcement for all the help she could get before she had to act in her own defense.

Lastly, I would pay very, very careful attention to BullFrogKen's last post in reference to how personally involved in this woman's situation you want to allow yourself to become. Understand the risks.

Not legal advice, just my thoughts based on what I've seen.

Respectfully,

DarkSoldier