Sincerest thanks for all the great suggestions! I'll be sifting through them carefully for a while.
As for felt recoil in a blowback operated pistol, perhaps a better comparison would be with a 9mm Glock 19 or Springfield XD9 4" instead of a 5" Government Model. I have experience with both of those, and they are readily available for my wife to rent at local ranges, unlike 380 single stack pistols. Such double stack guns probably wouldn't work, given her child-sized hands, but I am thinking it would at least be educational from a felt recoil perspective. What do you think? If she doesn't like the recoil of a Glock 19, might that rule out a blowback operated pistol from the start?
Felt recoil is highly subjective, of course. She may well prefer the quick, sharp snap of a 380 Bersa to the slow, heavy push of the 1911. For example, there was a young woman at the range beside me this weekend who was shooting both a 5" 1911 45 ACP and a Walther PPK in 380. I asked her which felt better recoil-wise, and she responded the PPK without hesitation. Her father answered the same.
At this point, when and if she decides she is ready (again, she is content with the 1911 for the time being), I am thinking the best bet after reading all the great suggestions may be to go to a gunshow up in Raleigh to let her handle a bunch of the guns you all have pointed us towards to see what she thinks.
A shotgun is a possibility, a 20 ga 18.5" barrel perhaps. She does have more experience with long guns, after all. We'll see ... I'm not going to push her, she'd probably resent that.